I don't know what any of that Japanese caligraphy says, but I'm gonna have it tattooed on my shoulder blade just in case.
Have your birthday party on Survival Mode.
All you need is some paper (made from nearby sugarcane). (download the template here)
Notice they didn't base this on the 8-bit era Simpsons games, which were worse than jagged metal Krusty-O's.
Picture GTA SpringfieldOctober 21, 2013
Throw in Professor Frink as Lester, and you've got yourself a crew.