Articles

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Article The Weekly IRL: WTF

December 2, 2010

Filed Under   the weekly irl

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #50

December 2, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at CollegeHumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

The other day I was walking down the stairs with my laptop when I fell and dropped it. I started crying because I thought I broke it. After putting the battery back in, I realized that it was fine, and that I had sprained my foot and was bleeding.-Giorgo

When I was in grade school, my friends and I would play "Final Fantasy" at recess every day. Picture the scene: four little girls, standing in a line on the pavement in the school parking lot, taking turns stepping forward and shouting "'Fire 2!" at nothing and then returning to the line to wait for an invisible bar to fill.-April O.

When I was a sophomore in high school, my mom took away my laptop every night because she thought I was staying up late to watch porn. In reality, I was up past 2 AM every night playing RuneScape.-Anonymous

At the midnight release of Black Ops, the Gamestop I pre-ordered at had the local Hooters girls come in for the event. While waiting in line for about 45 minutes, one of them was flirting with me and asked if I would like to go to a party afterward with her and the other girls. I told her I couldn't because I didn't want my friends leveling up faster than me.-Zak

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article 7 Family Members and Their Stats

December 1, 2010

Filed Under   stats

Article Link Needs Bottles

December 1, 2010
  1. Shopkeeper

    Alright, here we go. Four bottles of potion.

  2. Link

    Awesome. Hey, uh, stupid question: do you have any more bottles?

  3. Shopkeeper

    Huh?

  4. Link

    Like empty bottles. It's just, well, I seem to really need bottles. Like, I fought a lot for these bottles. One of them was in a treasure chest, and I was ecstatic. I desperately need bottles.

  5. Shopkeeper

    Can't really help you.

  6. Link

    I dunno, I figured maybe the magic potions were the valuable stuff, and bottles were just around.

  7. Shopkeeper

    Nope. There are magic fairies everywhere. But bottles! Wow. That's crazy.

Filed Under   zelda   conversations   link

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #28

November 30, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

I was playing Nazi zombies with some friends on black ops on kino der toten and it was about round 20. We were backing up a flight of stairs all grouped together and there were tons of zombies just down the stairs. One of my friends then proceeded to say "I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE CARRIED LIKE A ROCK STAR!" and he jumped down the flight of stairs on top of all the zombies. Everyone died that round from too much laughing.-Ryan K.
Me and a friend were playing COD4 and a little kid who was probably 10 on our team would say "you're a little bitch" every time he would die. Eventually my friend asked him where he heard that from and he replied with "That's what my dad says to my mom" in a little whiny voice. -Andy
I was playing MW2 with my friend when I called in an Attack Helicopter. Me: Attack Helicopter! I choose you!Friend: A wild helicopter appears.Me: Attack Helicopter, use Big Ass Machinegun!Friend: It's super effective!Then the enemy shot my helicopter down.Me: Attack Helicopter has fainted.-Corey
Playing MW2"This map is a piece of Gonorrhea." -Lauren
Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article 10 Ultimate Nerd Insults

November 30, 2010

Filed Under   warcraft   insults

Article Assassin's Creed Citizens

November 29, 2010
  1. Guy 1

    Did you just see that?

  2. Guy 2

    What?

  3. Guy 1

    That guy. He just climbed the building over there and dived into some hay.

  4. Guy 2

    Oh, that. Not really.

  5. Guy 1

    That's crazy!

  6. Guy 2

    Sometimes I yell "he must be drunk" or something, then continue moseying along aimlessly.

  7. Guy 1

    I love moseying around aimlessly! But I think he may be an assassin.

  8. Guy 2

    What?

  9. Guy 1

    Well, he kinda hustles around the streets in a weird mask and outfit in broad daylight jumping off of buildings. And he seems to have a lot of weapons.

  10. Guy 2

    So?

Filed Under   conversations   assassin's creed

Article The Dorklyst: The 15 Greatest Commercials in Videogame History

November 29, 2010


The holiday season is upon us, and everybody knows the best part of the holidays is all the new games. Remember repeatedly seeing the commercials for games you REALLY wanted? It was painful, but it was also kind of great. In a perfect world every commercial made before the year 2000 would be included on this list, as they're all glorious in their own way, but this site isn't made of unlimited space, so we had to opt for 15 instead of 15 thousand.

15.



Before we had Rock Band or Guitar Hero (or any music game for that matter), we had PaRappa the Rapper, the lovable dog who taught us all how to believe. This commercial really helped to convey the consummate weirdness of PaRappa the Rapper to the general public. To this day, people who have never played the game still know about the part where the weird stoner lizard sings about having to pee.

14.



Truthfully, this is a pretty standard commercial for the time period. I mean, I like it, but I don't love it. But what sets this apart from any other commercial of the era is a young Paul Rudd, blown away by the powerful graphics generated by the Super NES. It makes you wish that Paul Rudd would do another commercial for Nintendo today, charming us all by simply talking about Wii Sports Resort or the new Donkey Kong. Now that, I can get into.

Filed Under   retro   the dorklyst   commercials

Article Resident Safety

November 24, 2010
  1. Claire

    Run Leon! The zombies are coming!

  2. Leon

    Hold up, I'm gonna take these guys out.

  3. Claire

    Can't you shoot while running? The helicopter is coming!

  4. Leon

    Run and shoot? Are you joking?! Do you know how dangerous that is?

  5. Claire

    What?

  6. Leon

    Didn't Chris teach you anything? You have to shoot with a firm base.

  7. Claire

    But… zombies…

  8. Leon

    That's no excuse for ignoring proper technique.

  9. Claire

    Whatever, give me a hand moving this roadblock.

  10. Leon

    Sorry, need both hands for shooting.

  11. Claire

    It's a handgun…

  12. Leon

    Yep, got to make sure my shots are stabilized from the recoil. Don't want one of these slugs going rogue. Someone could get seriously hurt.

Filed Under   resident evil   conversations

Article 5 Videogame Character To-Do Lists

November 23, 2010

Filed Under   zelda   mario   link