Articles

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Article The Weekly IRL: 5 Awesome Tetris Videos

December 9, 2010





Filed Under   tetris   the weekly irl

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #52

December 9, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

This Valentine's Day, my girlfriend and I hung out in my parents' basement, watched anime and ate Wendy's. It was the best Valentine's Day I've ever had.-Jonathan

The other day I was playing Fallout 3 and came upon a room with an iron. I picked it up, not quite remembering what quest I needed an iron for, but I remembered needing an iron for some reason. After looking through my quest log, I realized it had nothing to do with Fallout and that I needed to iron my pants for work the next day-Brian

Around third grade, my brother and I would go to a weekly Pokemon day at a local park. All the kids would bring their cards and straight battle and trade for hours. Being young and foolish, I traded my rare Kabutops for a lame Chansey I thought was cool. After my brother realized what I had done, he talked some sense into me, pointing out that that Kabutops was my best card and Chansey was awful. I begged him to get my card back. He had to give up his prized Charizard in exchange. I'm a sophomore in high school now and I still have that Kabutops on my desk. I keep it there to remind me how much my brother loves me.-Anonymous

I frequently have to turn cheat when typing papers for class with length requirements. I decrease both the font size and margins, and manipulate the sentence spacing so that it will be short enough.-Anonymous

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article The Dorklyst: The 13 Greatest Snow Levels in Videogame History

December 8, 2010


Winter's here, and that means one thing: snow. Well, snow and Kevin McCallister's annual abandonment by his neglectful, emotionally-abusive parents. Luckily, we all have videogames to entertain us during the horrible weather (fact: 99% of winter deaths occur while not playing videogames). Weirdly though, sometimes the best escape from the frozen tundra of the outside world is the digital frozen tundra of a videogame. Here's our tribute to the 13 greatest snow levels of all-time.

13.



After a few levels of blasting through endless hordes of asteroids, enemy ships, and Slippy's pleas for help, Fortuna was a welcome relief. Finally you could engage in dog fights with some worthy opponents: The lazily-named Star Wolf (since all space teams in this universe are composed of 4 random animals led by some sort of canine). As if Star Wolf relentlessly hunting down your teammates (who all have no idea how to turn around or defend themselves in any way) wasn't enough, there's a bomb that will blow if you don't defeat the enemies in time. Not that it's too big a deal either way, since apparently no one else in the entire universe is at all concerned about that evil monkey head but you.


12.



As anyone who remembers this game will attest, completing this level was a badge of honor. Missile-shooting snowmen? Check. Random holes to fall into? Check. Meteor-tossing rat-dude final boss? So check it isn't even funny. Also not funny – this level wasn't even in the original arcade version: They added it at Nintendo's request, so more kids would break their controllers in frustration and have to buy new ones. If you had any less than two busted controllers and no sudden desire for Pizza Hut, you are clearly some sort of robot.
Filed Under   the dorklyst   snow levels

Article NBA Jam Rookie

December 8, 2010
  1. Rookie

    Oh wow! The NBA!

  2. Veteran

    Yup. This is the big time.

  3. Rookie

    Wow. Maybe one day I can be the new Michael Jordan.

  4. Veteran

    Who?

  5. Rookie

    Michael Jordan. Best basketball player of all time. Ring a bell?

  6. Veteran

    Never heard of him. I think you're thinking of Scottie Pippen.

  7. Rookie

    So, anything I need to know?

  8. Veteran

    Just your typical 2 on 2.

  9. Rookie

    I'm pretty sure that's not how pro basketball works.

  10. Veteran

    And how are your 30-foot high backwards dunks?

Filed Under   conversations   nba jam

Article 5 Pages From Sims Magazine

December 7, 2010

Filed Under   sims

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #29

December 7, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

Once, a buddy and myself were playing Halo 2 on Live and my friend thought it would be funny to start killing everyone on his team. After somehow not getting booted, the game ended with everyone furious and screaming at my friend for making us have such a low score. His response was he thought they were playing golf rules.- Connor "Balls-Out" B.
"Stop grunting and screaming lad, that's your mother's job." - Jon
While playing Black Ops a guy in the lobby who went 4-12 said, "I'm trying to teach my daughter about fractions. See Honey this is 1/3."- Jonathan
I went into a lobby the other day and came in mid-conversation between 10-year olds.Kid 1: So, how many kids do you want when you get older?Kid 2: I don't know, 5? Yeah, 5.Kid 1: Cool, I want 3, one for each gender!long pauseKid 1: Boy, Girl, and abortion!- Brody
Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article Ryu is Terrible With Women

December 6, 2010
Filed Under   street fighter   frittatas

Article Kratos Finds a Sidekick

December 6, 2010
  1. Kratos

    Show yourself Ares so I can tear you limb from limb!

  2. Hercules

    There you are bro. I've been looking everywhere for you.

  3. Kratos

    Who are you? Is Ares not brave enough to fight me himself?

  4. Hercules

    What? No, I'm Hercules, son of Zeus. I came to help you out.

  5. Kratos

    Leave me, I don't need help from the Gods.

  6. Hercules

    Haha right, and what about all those cool moves Poseidon, Hades, and our dad taught you? Eww, are you carrying around Medusa's head?!

Filed Under   conversations   god of war   kratos

Article 7 Videogame Characters Deal with the TSA

December 3, 2010

Filed Under   tsa

Article Gamebook: Liberty City Police Troubles

December 2, 2010

Filed Under   gta   gamebook