Hey you, kid!
Oh man. What are you, some kind of beard-type Pokemon?
No. I'm God. And I need you to build an Ark, and put within it two of every Pokemon.
Because I must flood the Earth for some reason. Maybe to kill all sinners? Yeah. That's it.
But you're God. Why don't you just specifically kill all of the bad people and not drown everyone? Wouldn't that make more sense?
No. That would take forever to figure out. This is way simpler.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to capture ONE of every Pokemon, let alone two? I mean, I don't think there even are two Mewtwo's.
C'mon, kid. How hard could it be?
151 pairs of Pokemon later
Okay it took forever, and I technically had to cut Articuno in half, but I think I caught 'em all.
Oh. Just 151 pairs?
Yes that's all there are.
So .I'm guessing you didn't get my memo
Article Ash's ArkJuly 21, 2010
Article Mario Can't Go LeftJuly 20, 2010
Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #9July 20, 2010
Was playing MW2 when I heard a guy in the background of another games mic saying "Dude, hurry the f*ck up! Your wedding's in 30 mins. So about 25 mins later, I was curious and added his gamer tag, he accepted, and I joined his game. Apparently the wedding was delayed due to some weird claim, and he's now on a killing streak, with every kill he says, "with how many kills I make today is how many chicks I'm going to bang a month, since my bitch wife isn't going to game with me. One of the reasons I married her too."-Arv S.
While playing COD 4 there was this really annoying little kid who was really pissing everyone off. He began to talk about how he was going to rape everyone and their mothers. Everyone was trying to get the kid angry but nothing seemed to work. I then asked the kid if he even knew what rape was. The line was then silent for a few moments until the kid then said "SHUT UP I HATE YOU!' and then left the game. -Kris S.
After he found out I'm from South Africa, a British teenager asked mewhether District 9 was real.-Hadlee
During a game of Search and Destroy on MW2 I was cussed out by an angry 12 year old child. This was followed by the kid talking to his mom with his mike still on. "Mom! I don't want crust on my pb&j!"-Chris B.
Article Smash Bros. CounselingJuly 19, 2010
I'd like to thank you all for coming to this group counseling today.
That's not constructive Ness. Ok so the first order of business is
Shut up Ness!
Metal Mario enters.
- Metal Mario
Ah you started without me!
We waited an extra twenty minutes.
- Metal Mario
You know it takes be a long time to get places.
Hey man, you're not even a playable character.
- Metal Mario
If you beat the game in single player mode in less than twenty minutes on really hard without losing a life. . .
For the last time, that's not true.
- Captain Falcon
There's a single player mode to this game?
1) Shock and Denial
Now you've processed it, but you're still a little confused. And that makes you frustrated. And when that affects your kill-spread? Now you're angry. You can't deal with it; you may lash out, demanding she make you a sandwich. It's normal to start swearing, just like you always do, really. The game becomes a battleground for your anger. You may use your headset, for evil, as opposed to good (mocking n00bz). You'll keep dropping in headshots and teabagging her corpse. That's what she gets! You're not psychotic; it's only virtual!
Article The Mod Squad: Issue #6July 16, 2010
Do you have an awesome gaming set-up or system mod? Send a picture to dorklymod at gmail.
Article Polite Street FighterJuly 15, 2010
Have a submission for next week's issue? Send pictures to weeklyirl at gmail. Next Issue: Gamer Wedding Cakes.
Article Pwn My Life: Issue #12July 15, 2010
Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.
I quit World of Warcraft on April 22nd (shortly after I got Monster Hunter Tri) by putting an authenticator on my account and smashing the shit out of it so it wouldn't generate a code anymore, therefor rendering the account useless. I had eight level 80 characters, four of which were quite well geared for raiding. I was done for good, until I made a new account on June 24th, and leveled a warrior to 80 in under a week.-Paul
A couple years ago I was over at my girlfriend's house, she told me she was going to take a shower and dropped some not-so-subtle hints that she wanted me to join. I passed on that opportunity to watch an episode of the original Voltron series. It was a good one. After the show was over, she came back into the living room quite upset after a long, long shower.-DW
After being shot and killed during an all night marathon of pwning noobs online in Socom II: US Navy Seals, I got so mad that I smashed my hand down on the arm of my chair. There was a searing pain in my wrist and a doctor visit later revealed that I had fractured the bone. I spent the next week telling everyone at school that I broke my arm skateboarding.-Matt
I was so mad at M. Night Shyamalan over his Avatar movie that I wrote him two letters. One about how much I hated that he changed Aangs name, and another about why firebenders don't need a source of fire to firebend.-Alec