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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #54

December 16, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

After playing for six years, I finally won a caption contest on the Neopets site. I took a screen shot of my winning post and the virtual trophy. I keep it in a secret file on my desktop and I look at it when I'm feeling down. I'm 18 years old and the thing that cheers me up is reminiscing about the time I beat out a bunch of 7-year-olds in a children's humor contest.-C

I am a female comic book artist. One day I was messing around with my brother-in-law's copy of Scribblenauts and decided to summon "cartoonist." She looks exactly like me.-SubbyP

Last year, when CoD: MW 2 came out, my long-term crush had decided he wanted to pay me a visit because we hadn't seen each other in a while. I was hesitant, but he showed up anyway. He started kissing me while I was playing the game, and finally we got to fooling around. Mid-way through I stopped and told him, "I'm sorry. I just can't do this, I keep thinking about Call of Duty. I need to beat the campaign." Then I kicked him out and finished the campaign. He's still the number two man in my life, but number one will always be videogames.-Sarah

I got a nosebleed last night while playing Black Ops. My mom had to turn off my Xbox to get me to go clean myself up.-Hawkar

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article 7 People You'll See at a Party and Their Left 4 Dead Equivalents

December 15, 2010

Boomer = The Guy Who Drank Too Much

The faintest of belches resonating from down the hall are the first indication that a Boomer is near and he's about to blow. Use his heavy footsteps to identify him as quickly as possible and get out of his way, because when he spews (and he will), the results can be devastating.

The Tank = The Cockblock

She's the only thing standing between your friends and a group of seemingly interested females. Unfortunately she drove and she's tired, so there's no way you're getting past her by yourself. Enlisting the help of several willing and able wingmen is the only way to render her overpowering snark ineffective.

Filed Under   left 4 dead

Article More Minerals

December 15, 2010
  1. Commander

    Okay guys. The Zerg rush is coming faster than we thought. I'm going to need four guys-quick!

  2. Pause.

  3. Commander

    Hello? Guys in the barracks?

  4. Marine

    I won't shoot anyone until I get some minerals.

  5. Commander


  6. Marauder

    Me too! And I want gas.

  7. Commander

    Why do you want-

  8. Marauder

    I require more vespene gas.

  9. Commander

    That makes no sense. And how do you want me to deliver you gas? And why?

Filed Under   starcraft   conversations

Article 7 Videogame Memoirs

December 14, 2010

Filed Under   punch out   warcraft   zelda

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #30

December 14, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

One of my best friends hates campers, so we called him the Park Ranger. He didn't like it, and thought it was really dumb. One day while playing with him on MW2 on team Deathmatch, he started killing all the campers, one guy was being a particular douche about it, and so on the game winning kill he gets the camper and says over the mic, "The Park Ranger says no camping." Everyone laughed their asses off.-Michael
While playing a sixteen-man game of HALO: Reach, one of my friends asked who "Respawn" was and how/why he kept killing her.-Oscar
So there I am being an idiot on the Wii version of black ops using the headbanger headset and singing Justin Bieber songs very badly and this kid is all like "shut up! You can't even sing!" throughout the entire four matches he put up with me. Fortunately the Wii didn't have headsets before so all these six year olds don't know about the muting option. Now I can sing Justin Bieber all day and these six year olds have to put up with it.-Joe Momma
I was playing a free-for-all wager match on Black Ops, and after discovering he wasn't the only one with a mic, a guy spoke up and said, "Hey, is it strange that I'm playing Call of Duty naked?" I responded: "Not if you win."-Dan
Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article Xbox Live Player Alignment Chart

December 13, 2010

In case you're unfamiliar with alignment charts.

Filed Under   xbox live   xbox   d&d   alignment chart   awful good

Article Dr. Mario Isn't a Real Doctor

December 13, 2010
  1. Dr. Mario

    I'm sorry, but your wife has a virus. Well three viruses actually.

  2. Mr. Holdings

    Three viruses?! How is that even possible? What are they?

  3. Dr. Mario

    After much research though it seems she has a red, blue, and yellow virus.

  4. Mr. Holdings

    I'm sorry, what?

  5. Dr. Mario

    We've decided to name the blue virus 'Chill', the red virus 'Fever', and the yellow virus 'Weird'.

  6. Mr. Holdings

    So she has a fever and a chill?

  7. Dr. Mario

    No, no. Those are the names I've given the viruses. The names really have nothing to do with the symptoms that they are causing.

  8. Mr. Holdings

    …Is there another doctor here I can speak to?

Filed Under   conversations   dr. mario

Article IRL RPG: Asking Someone Out

December 10, 2010


Filed Under   RPG   irl   irl rpg

Article Gamebook: "Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back" as Told Through a Facebook Thread

December 10, 2010

Filed Under   star wars   gamebook

Article The Weekly IRL: 5 Awesome Tetris Videos

December 9, 2010

Filed Under   tetris   the weekly irl