Articles

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #59

January 14, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I was playing Heavy Rain late one night. I got into a really intense quicktime sequence and forgot that my controller wasn't wireless. I jerked the controller too hard and it disconnected. Inputs were still flying across the screen as I frantically tried to plug it back in. I thought I'd lost the scenario but managed to come back and finish it. I was so excited that I started screaming at the top of my lungs. Just when I finished, my dad burst into my room holding his gun. My parents thought I was being attacked.-Brandon

I taught my dog to hide under a table when I yell, "Zombies! The zombies are coming!" Next I'm going to train him to stand in front of me and growl when I say, "Covenant dropship, inbound!"-Xana

In kindergarten, we were learning about opposites and the teacher used "go" and "stop" as an example. This really bothered me, since I was fairly certain that the opposite of "go" was "go backwards." In retrospect, I guess she could have meant acceleration and deceleration as opposed to velocity. I still hold that she should have used less mathematically ambiguous examples.-Anonymous

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Gamebook: 5 Sonic Status Updates

January 13, 2011

Filed Under   facebook   sonic   gamebook   tails

Article The Weekly IRL: 7 More Awesomely Nerdy Cakes

January 13, 2011

Filed Under   food   cake   the weekly irl

Article The Dorklyst: 10 Western Games and Trends That Never Caught on in Japan

January 12, 2011


In the olden days of gaming, everything worthwhile came out of Japan, as did all of the console manufacturers. Now, with the game market being much more globalized, American developers have as strong of a foothold in our culture as ever. That is, everywhere but in Japan. There are a lot of facets of our gaming culture that the U.S. holds dear that the Japanese have never even given a second thought to. Here's a list of some of the most surprising (and maybe least surprising, in some cases).

10. Lara Croft


If you imagine a Japanese video game, you're probably going to imagine something with a female protagonist (or an androgynous male protagonist), which makes it all the more odd that the former first lady of gaming never really meant anything to Japan. The developers of the game have said that one of the biggest hurdles for Japanese gamers to cross was that they didn't want to control a character who would keep dying grisly deaths due to "dishonorable" violence. Perhaps if Lara Croft had been a CEO who caused her business to fail, thereby disgracing her family, gamers would have been more comfortable with her demise.


9. Madden


Truthfully, this isn't that surprising, as the Japanese probably aren't very big football fans, but the real surprise is that sports games in general, except for the occasional soccer game (not counting horse racing) don't have a market in Japan, especially compared to how exceptionally popular they are here. It's a shame, too, because the Japanese will never know the beautiful yet familiar sting of having to pay EA for all the DLC that should very clearly be free.
Filed Under   the dorklyst

Article Arkham Asylum's Guard Trouble

January 12, 2011
  1. Guard

    Mr. Sharp? Can I come in?

  2. Quincy Sharp

    As long as it's quick, we're having a hell of a day here on the Island.

  3. Guard

    That's partly why I'm here. I've been thinking about how we're running the facility, and it just seems kind of dangerous.

  4. Quincy Sharp

    Dangerous? Of course it is. We have the most dangerous criminals in the world on this island. You knew that when you signed up.

  5. Guard

    Well I knew there were some of the most dangerous criminals in the world, but we literally have all of them. Every single dangerous criminal in the world. I was just thinking we could spread them out a little.

  6. Quincy Sharp

    Spread them out?

Filed Under   conversations   batman

Article Flowchart: What Gaming Platform is Right For You?

January 14, 2011

Filed Under   gamers   flowchart

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #33

January 11, 2011

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

One day I was playing black ops with my friends and generally acting like an ass. After the match, some guy on my team sent me a message calling me retarded. Later, before stopping playing, I took a look at his gamercard and noticed that he was watching the usual suspects on netflix. Having seen that movie, I replied to his message by telling him who Keyser Soze was.-JCH
A while ago I was playing Halo 3 and there were two players called Obama(…) and America(…). And I guess they were playing like anyone else, when Obama betrayed America, and so there stood: Obama(…) betrayed America(…). I was playing with a bunch of friends, so we laughed our ass off.-Cpkiller1
I was playing black ops one night and heard in the lobby a few people talking. During their conversation one of them blurted out "Cody's sister pissed in the fridge dude." -Schaffe
Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article Awful Good: South Park Alignment Chart

January 10, 2011
Filed Under   alignment chart   awful good

Article On the Phone with Xbox Live Customer Support

January 10, 2011
  1. Me

    Hello?

  2. LIVE Support

    'Sup n00b?

  3. Me

    Uh, nothing, I guess. I just wanted to cancel my XBOX Live –

  4. LIVE Support

    GAAAYYYYYY

  5. Me

    What? I…I just wanted to cancel my XBOX Live subscription…

  6. LIVE Support

    QUITTING F*G

  7. Me

    What? That's crazy offensive, man. Can I talk to your boss?

  8. LIVE Support

    I dunno, can I talk to your MOM? Jay kay, don't want that. I'd rather bang her instead. OHHHHH!!!

Filed Under   conversations   xbox live

Article Videogame Commenters

January 7, 2011
Filed Under   internet