Articles

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Article 6 Valentine's Day Cards From Videogame Characters

February 14, 2011


Filed Under   bad dudes   zelda   duke nukem

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #63

February 11, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at CollegeHumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I just finished Peggle, including all the challenges, on my ipod touch. That's not the nerdy part. The nerdy part is that my iPod Touch never leaves my car, and I only play Peggle while waiting in line at the KFC drive-thru.-Anonymous

My workout playlist is entirely Weird Al polka medleys.-Anonymous

Growing up, we never had a lot of money. I was a Final Fantasy addict. I had to save for months to buy a used copy of FFVIII. A few days later, I went to a friend's house and lost my memory card on the way. It was summer. I didn't have a lot to do, so for three weeks I played FFVIII for 14 hours a day without saving. Then I'd turn it off, got o bed, wake up and play the same 14 hours again until I finally got enough cash to buy a new memory card.-Anonymous

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article The Weekly IRL: 7 Pictures of Street Fighter Invading Real Life

February 10, 2011

Filed Under   the weekly irl   street fighter

Article Valentine's Dorklyst: The 8 Dumbest Romances in Videogame History

February 11, 2011



Romance in video games: It makes us laugh, it makes us cry, it makes us scratch our heads and sort of sit back and look confusedly at the screen. Mostly the last one. There have been a lot of horrible romance subplots in video games, but here's our tribute to the worst.


8. Ryu Hayabusa and Irene Lew (Ninja Gaiden)



Ninja Gaiden for NES is a ludicrously hard side scroller with a ninja protagonist named Ryu whose romance starts when he sees a young girl and says, "Just a girl. Get out of here!" Ninja Gaiden comes from the era of dialogue that could only be produced by Koreans translating Japanese games into English without understanding either language. Not only does Irene shoot Ryu at one point, but they only end up together because Ryu proclaims that he'll be taking her as his payment for saving the world. Luckily, she's inexplicably aroused by this, so they kiss and sort of hold each other while they conclusively watch the sun rise. Even though she still probably wants to kill him.


7. Altaïr ibn-La'Ahad and Maria (Assassin's Creed 2)



The unfolding of this relationship can barely even be called a romantic subplot — it's more like an afterthought. It's like Ubisoft realized two weeks before the game shipped out that the concept of DNA memory (and therefore the entire franchise) depends on Altaïr reproducing, even though he's a combination between ninjas and monks, the two most celibate professions in the ancient world. So they threw in a level where Altaïr chases a mysterious cloaked figure to the top of a tower, finds out it's a beautiful woman, and then has sex with her. On a tower, without a single word of foreplay or even warning, and with both of them wearing all their clothes. Then Altaïr uses his assassin skills to promptly get the hell out of there, because assassins make terrible dads.

Article Link Visits His Mother

February 8, 2011

Filed Under   zelda   link

Article Overheard on Xbox Issue #37

February 8, 2011

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

While playing Ghost Recon on the original Xbox, over the mic we heard this guy's young daughter run in crying proclaiming "Steven bit me on my head!" Concerned, but obviously irritated by the distraction he asked "he did what?", to which she repeated still crying "he bit me on my head." His advice? "Well then bite him back!" The rest of the match the kids fought and screamed in the background, presumably gnawing each other. Regardless, thanks to this father's dedication, our team won.-Neil
Recently I was playing Borderlands on Xbox live. I am new to the game, so I didn't mind when a young kid was giving me items and showing me how to play. He seemed nice enough, and there hadn't been any racial slurs, so I figured why not? I'll keep playing. Shortly after we decided to be friends, he tried to get me to pretend to be his dad.  It was awkward, and I felt bad for the kid, but I couldn't help pressing the power button, backing away from the tv, and curling up in the fetal position.-Nick
Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article Flowchart: Which Sidekick is Right For You?

By Alyssa Alecci and Brian Murphy / February 7, 2011

Filed Under   flowchart   awful good   sidekicks

Article A True Pokemon Master

February 7, 2011
  1. Ash

    I did it! I have all the badges and I caught them all. I'm the Pokemaster!

  2. Brock

    You did it! Now, on to the elite-

  3. Ash

    Silence! Build me a palace of solid gold!

  4. Pause.

  5. Brock

    Uh…what?

  6. Ash

    I am your god now.

  7. Misty

    No, you just caught some Pokemon.

Filed Under   conversations   pokemon

Article 7 Terrible Ideas for Videogames

February 4, 2011

Filed Under   water levels

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #62

February 4, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at CollegeHumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I went to see the new Harry Potter movie with my girlfriend the day it came out. I got SUPER pumped during the Green Lantern trailer. In the end of the trailer, Ryan Reynolds says "In brightest day, in blackest night.." aka the first part of the Hal Jordan Green Lantern oath. I was saying it along with him and thought he was going to finish it. Instead, the entire theater heard me yell "no evil shall escape my sight. Let those who worship evil's might, beware my power Green Lantern's light!"-Lee

I knit during cutscenes. So far I've made mittens while replaying Twilight Princess and a scarf during Black Ops.-Anonymous

A couple weeks ago my girlfriend realized I wash my hands every time I'm about to touch a comic book, but not every time I put in my contact lenses.-Seth

Filed Under   pwn my life