Article Pwn My Life: Issue #63February 11, 2011
Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at CollegeHumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.
I just finished Peggle, including all the challenges, on my ipod touch. That's not the nerdy part. The nerdy part is that my iPod Touch never leaves my car, and I only play Peggle while waiting in line at the KFC drive-thru.-Anonymous
My workout playlist is entirely Weird Al polka medleys.-Anonymous
Growing up, we never had a lot of money. I was a Final Fantasy addict. I had to save for months to buy a used copy of FFVIII. A few days later, I went to a friend's house and lost my memory card on the way. It was summer. I didn't have a lot to do, so for three weeks I played FFVIII for 14 hours a day without saving. Then I'd turn it off, got o bed, wake up and play the same 14 hours again until I finally got enough cash to buy a new memory card.-Anonymous
Romance in video games: It makes us laugh, it makes us cry, it makes us scratch our heads and sort of sit back and look confusedly at the screen. Mostly the last one. There have been a lot of horrible romance subplots in video games, but here's our tribute to the worst.
8. Ryu Hayabusa and Irene Lew (Ninja Gaiden)
Ninja Gaiden for NES is a ludicrously hard side scroller with a ninja protagonist named Ryu whose romance starts when he sees a young girl and says, "Just a girl. Get out of here!" Ninja Gaiden comes from the era of dialogue that could only be produced by Koreans translating Japanese games into English without understanding either language. Not only does Irene shoot Ryu at one point, but they only end up together because Ryu proclaims that he'll be taking her as his payment for saving the world. Luckily, she's inexplicably aroused by this, so they kiss and sort of hold each other while they conclusively watch the sun rise. Even though she still probably wants to kill him.
7. AltaÃ¯r ibn-La'Ahad and Maria (Assassin's Creed 2)
The unfolding of this relationship can barely even be called a romantic subplot it's more like an afterthought. It's like Ubisoft realized two weeks before the game shipped out that the concept of DNA memory (and therefore the entire franchise) depends on AltaÃ¯r reproducing, even though he's a combination between ninjas and monks, the two most celibate professions in the ancient world. So they threw in a level where AltaÃ¯r chases a mysterious cloaked figure to the top of a tower, finds out it's a beautiful woman, and then has sex with her. On a tower, without a single word of foreplay or even warning, and with both of them wearing all their clothes. Then AltaÃ¯r uses his assassin skills to promptly get the hell out of there, because assassins make terrible dads.
Article Link Visits His MotherFebruary 8, 2011
Article Overheard on Xbox Issue #37February 8, 2011
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.
Recently I was playing Borderlands on Xbox live. I am new to the game, so I didn't mind when a young kid was giving me items and showing me how to play. He seemed nice enough, and there hadn't been any racial slurs, so I figured why not? I'll keep playing. Shortly after we decided to be friends, he tried to get me to pretend to be his dad.Â It was awkward, and I felt bad for the kid, but I couldn't help pressing the power button, backing away from the tv, and curling up in the fetal position.-Nick
Article A True Pokemon MasterFebruary 7, 2011
I did it! I have all the badges and I caught them all. I'm the Pokemaster!
You did it! Now, on to the elite-
Silence! Build me a palace of solid gold!
I am your god now.
No, you just caught some Pokemon.