Article Sonic Loves NicknamesFebruary 28, 2011
Prower. Miles Prower.
Mister Prower, I'll review your information and let you know if you're my new sidekick.
Thank you very much.
Tails stands up to shake hands.
Whoa, you've got two tails?
Article Pwn My Life: Issue #65February 25, 2011
Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.
I am a huge fan of the MGS series. I don't own a PS3. When my friend offered me the chance to play MGS4 at his house, I was excited. He neglected to tell me his mom and step-dad were getting a divorce. For 16 hours, I played through crying, yelling, arguing and just general awkwardness until I finally beat it. It was worth it.-M
My roommates and I started what we call our annual Zeldoff. We set up three TVs with three N64s and three copies of Ocarina of Time in our living room. Then we race to see who can play through the game the fastest.-Tay
I just read every issue of Pwn My Life. I got frustrated and jealous any time anyone mentioned that they had a girlfriend.-Anonymous
Some people say, "if it's in the game, then it's fair." These people are jerks. Disregarding manners or sportsmanship, they take what should be an enjoyable game and turn it into a never-ending source of frustration. Here's our tribute to the seven cheapest moves you can pull.
Multiplayer games often require a degree of stealth, which is sometimes difficult when your opponents are literally in the same room as you. Imagine lining up a target in your sniper crosshairs when he suddenly has a psychic premonition and dives behind cover. Or having the entire enemy team throw you a surprise bullet party because they knew the location of that burnt-out jeep you happened to be looking at. Screen-peekers might as well be taking the game out of the system and stomping on it. Imagine if Nazis had been able to stare through the eyes of our boys back in WWII to deduce their location? We'd all be gaming in lederhosen right now. Do you like wearing comfortable pants? Yes? THEN WHY ARE YOU STARING AT MY SCREEN!?
Rushing is one of the most frustrating strategies out there. Popular in RTS games, the objective of "rushing" is to throw everything at your opponent right away, killing them with your pathetic low-level minions before they can build a defense. The obvious pro-rush argument is that both players could easily exploit the same strategy. But what's the point of an RTS game that's decided in the first 5 minutes? We buy these game to fill up the social lives we don't have. Slow down, man, the popular kids will still be partying in two hours, and they probably won't notice you staring longingly in through their window anyway. Spawn a few more zerglings and stay a while.
Article Zealots Need WorkFebruary 23, 2011
Alright, let's do it! For Auir!
Yeah, let's-wait, are those swords?
Beam swords! Yeah!
Back up. Aren't we super advanced aliens?
Why do we have sword?. Even the humans have guns. Not swords. Guns. You'd think we'd get that figured out by now
Article 7 Tips on Proper Nerd EtiquetteFebruary 22, 2011
Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #38February 22, 2011
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.
Me, post-game lobby in Halo Reach after getting a triple kill with the sword:"Why did you guys just line up for me to kill you like that?"Other team member: "It's an old French tactic."-Rory
One night my friend and I were playing Black Ops Nazi Zombies, we didn't have enough people to start a private match so we searched for people to play with online. We were both in a party so we couldn't hear the two guys in gamechat talking, so of course we wanted to communicate with them so we didn't die, thus going to game chat. One guy was apparently just blowing wind in his mic and the other was quiet. My friend and I start talking and after about ten minutes into the game we heard from the quiet guy's mic, "I swear to God Sharleen if you sh*t on my shoulder blade one more time, I'll beat you with the broom again!" We proceeded to laugh so hard I kicked my modem, disconnecting me from Xbox Live.-Dave