Article Pwn My Life: Issue #67March 11, 2011
Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail. This week only we're taking video submissions for possible inclusion in the new CollegeHumor series Nerd Alert. Look right in your camera, record your confession, send it over, and if we use it we'll send you a t-shirt. Keep sending in written submissions too.
Last week I passed my Nutrition exam without studying for it, solely based on "Sensei Facts" from Fruit Ninja.-A_Q
I went to stop at a craft store for felt so I could create and sew a felt spoink onto my backpack on my way home from college one day. On the way, I walked past a Best Buy and noticed through the window that they had a large Pokemon display near the entrance. I'd forgotten Pokemon Black and White came out that day. I turned to walk into the store, but the automatic doors wouldn't open. I tried twice. Nothing. I stopped and waved my hands in front of the door to try and engage the sensor, but it wouldn't budge. Then a lady walked in the door next to me. It was then that I realized I had been so fixated on the Pokemon display that I was trying to walk in the exit door.-Nick
I never realized how nerdy I was until I was getting my EB Games membership and the manager asked for my email, which is a character from Diablo II.-Eddie
It's impressive when a game can become popular as Angry Birds has without any real negative publicity. At the same time, it can be frustrating for fans who know that there are more (and sometimes angrier) birds out there in videogames. In the name of fairness, here are some of the angriest videogame birds who aren't Angry Birds.
8. Blathers (Animal Crossing)
I never play Animal Crossing at night, so I can't really imagine what Blathers does when he's awake, and frankly, I don't want to know. This is an owl who has dedicated his life to working in a museum, in solitary confinement, during an hour when no one in the town is even awake. I'm sure there's something boiling under that aloof surface, and I don't want to be out planting money trees when he finally snaps.
7. Kazooie (Banjo-Kazooie)
Kazooie, confined to a life in Banjo's backpack, typifies a more sassy type of anger. Whether running really fast on her skinny legs or rattling off blistering insults in her gibberish "walla walla" talk, Kazooie is a sassy gal, through and through. These days, she's probably more angry about the state of the Banjo-Kazooie franchise, but then again, who isn't?
Oh, hey. Sorry, couldn't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am. It's no contest. First, I'm the fire guy. Fire is the coolest. Your other option is water, which is the element fish crap in. And grass? Get real. You want a fire-breathing KO machine, not a chia pet. Second, I'm f**king adorable. I look like Babe got hot and heavy with a flamethrower and made one cute, kickass pokemon baby. Meanwhile Oshawott looks like a snowcone that gets picked last for kickball and Snivy is some stuck-up plant lizard. Do you want to stare at those disgusting faces for the next 12 levels? Stick with the best, my friend, and burn down the rest.
I know I look like a messed up clown badger, but hear me out: Your friends are going to pick Tepig. He's adorable AND he shoots fire. But you know what's better than being cute? Being victorious. If you want to win, you're going to need to extinguish the flame pig. So unless they create a stop, drop, and roll pokemon, I'm your best bet. And Snivy? Honestly, if you're thinking of choosing him I'm not going to try to reason with you. He's a smug houseplant. Just draw a sh*tty smile on a fern.
Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #40March 8, 2011
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.
So I walk into my brother's room to ask him something. He'd just joined a Black Ops lobby when we heard some guy say, "Dude! She's fugly!" and the reply was "I think my mother is pretty fit, actually." Oli
Article Halo Firefight: A Hero's DeathMarch 7, 2011
Uh, Mrs. Gunki77er?
There's no easy way to say this. Your son died in a Halo firefight last night-
Ten times, ending his game.
That that is a lot of times.