Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #42March 22, 2011
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.
After several matches of a black guy and a redneck yelling at each other in Black Ops, the black guy called the redneck a racist, to which the redneck replied: "I'm not racist, I have colored television."-Michael
My friend and I were playing a game of Modern Warfare 2 and this little kid told my friend he was going to bang the crap out his mom. My friend responded with, "I have two dads."-Tyler
I honestly don't blame them for not including me. They really needed the extra space for the gaggle of Resident Evil chumps. It's a pretty great move, so long as you ignore the fact that survival horror characters bring nothing to the fighting game table. But if they happen to come upon any puzzles mid-combo, they'll totally be prepared! Besides, the Mega Man void has been filled by the all-powerful Zero. I mean, the guy has a ponytail! How cool is that?
Seriously, though: Get a haircut you f**king robot hippie. I'd rather play as Servbot.
I used to be the face of this series. The cover of "X-Men vs. Street Fighter" had me shaking hands with Ryu. Now the guy won't even return my calls. Why does Capcom hate me? I shoot lasers out of my eyes. I am the leader of the X-Men and they include a f**king Sentinel over me! That'd be like making a Ninja Turtles fighting game and replacing Leonardo with a foot soldier. Though I'll bet they would have had the decency to give Leonardo a severance package. I had to sell my microwave to pay rent this month. Do you have any idea how degrading it is to heat up a Hot Pocket with an optic blast?
Article Pokemon: The N00b FourMarch 21, 2011
Finally, I've reached the Elite 4!
Wow, you really plowed through the game fast.
Yep. Pulled an all-nighter.
OK, cool. You sure you don't want to go back and make sure you didn't miss anything?
Nah, not really.
Article 10 More Lazy Pokemon DesignsMarch 18, 2011
Article Pwn My Life: Issue #68March 18, 2011
Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.
One day I was hella bored and watching cartoons when I stumbled upon an old DBZ episode. It awakened all my childhood memories. I became obsessed with it again. Any free time I had I would watch DBZ episodes online. I'm 24 and my wife is 22. She doesn't understand. She's caught me jacking off plenty of times, but I was more embarrassed when she caught me in our living room trying to go super saiyan.-maT
I bred (for natures and IVs), EV trained and raised 3 poketeams to lvl 100 while delivering pizzas. And no, I don't mean at red lights.-Anonymous
Since the beta of Starcraft 2, I've been watching matches from different people on youtube. First was Husky, HD, Day9, TotalBiscuit, then Psy and some others. I discuss the games in the comments below, everything from strategy debates to build orders. What's sad is that I don't even own Starcraft.-Anonymous
Article 6 Star Fox Advice AnimalsMarch 17, 2011
Videogamers and conspiracy nuts share a lot of common ground: both spend most of their time indoors, both post long, meandering tirades on internet message boards, and both stare at flickering screens all day. The only difference is that one group is playing Xbox, and the other is flipping frame-by-frame through Obama's inauguration speech trying to spot his lizardman tail. But sometimes the groups overlap, and we end up with some crazy theories about our favorite games. Strap on your tinfoil hats, sheeple: here are six of the weirdest videogame fan-theories out there.
6) Pokemon: You Killed Gary's Raticate
Gary Oak (or "Blue" or "Douche", as you probably called him), pops up every now and then in the first generation of Pokemon games, battling you whenever it's least convenient and generally being a snarky pain in the ass. Sympathy for this jerk was pretty low until early last year, when someone spread this story around the net. In short, Gary has a Rattata / Raticate that is a staple of his lineup all the way to the S.S. Anne. After you pummel his team onboard the ocean liner, the next time you see him he's visiting Lavender Town, the final resting place for dead Pokemon. His Raticate is nowhere to be seen. Did the brutal onslaught of your Poke-skills lay his stalwart companion to rest? Are... are you the real "Douche" in this game? Man, I need to go sit down.
Remember soldiers, you get more points for more creative kills.
- Soldier 1
That's right, it's called skillshots. If you kill anyone really cool, you get more points for more upgrades.
- Soldier 1
Maybe you could just give us those upgrades now. You know, so we can do our job?
No. The system works.