Article Pwn My Life: Issue #39October 21, 2010
Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.
I've never been a physically strong person, especially since I don't exercise. My main problem was arm strength, so I decided that I would do five push-ups any time I die in Team Fortress 2. That was two months ago. Now, not only do I have some upper body strength, but I've also become better at playing Team Fortress 2 when my arms are tired.-Andy
My friends and I invented our own Defense of the Ancients version of Pictionary. It ranges from heros and items, to full on scenarios like "Crixalis using burrowstrike on Lina," or "Noob trying to stack two orbs."-Jeremy
When it's cold out at rugby practice, I pretend the steam coming off me is energy, and I am about to go Super Saiyan.-Colin
When I was younger and a Pokemon fanatic, I was obsessed with Seel and Dewgong. I had one of those card binders, and I used to place moist paper towels over their cards so they'd be comfortable. I also stored their figurines in a plastic container filled with water.-Andrew
Article Pokemon: The Later YearsOctober 20, 2010
Article More Than Mario Bargained ForOctober 20, 2010
Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle!
Well, okay-wait, what?
Another castle? You mean there's more than one castle?
Because a castle is a pretty big deal. I was all "well, here's the castle! And a boss battle! Game over". Seemed pretty final.
We have a lot of castles.
What kind of housing market exclusively has castles? And I have to return Princess Peach to her castle
Everyone has a castle!
Not me. I live in Brooklyn. Luigi sometimes goes hungry.
Article Mario's WeaknessOctober 19, 2010
Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #22October 19, 2010
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.
Heard in lobby of Cod MW2"That's right Chris.Â You can just curl up inside me like a tauntaun."-Andy C.
My friend and I were playing Halo when some random kid sent out a mass message saying that he would sell his account for microsoft pointsÂ and included his cell number for urgent questions. We decided to call and once we confirmed that it was actually him proceeded to tell him that we worked for microsoft and what he was doingÂ is illegal. After telling him that we were going to ban his Xbox from ever going online againÂ he started crying. A lot.Â We tried to give him a fake number and name to call if he had any questions but once he started to actually write the number down (still sobbing)Â we lost it and both started laughing hysterically.-Ryan F.
The prospect of such a stoic figure getting a little tipsy is more than intriguing to us. We are willing to bet that when Gordon downs a few beers he starts telling everyone about all his crazy adventures. We want to know exactly what happened at Black Mesa. What better way than to get him wasted? Gordon also brings a little muscle to the table. You know if someone gets out of line (we're looking at you Donkey Kong) Gordon won't hesitate to bash them upside the head- or at least drop a few auto-turrets on them. And of course, the most important reason we want Gordon Freeman at our party: The gravity gun. Can you imagine beer pong with a gravity gun?
Oh, just one warning: Don't let him do ecstasy; he'll see the G-man everywhere.
You're going to want girls at your party- preferably ones with physically impossible dimensions. You'll probably try to hit on her at some point- and if you're lucky maybe she'll talk to you. But unless you can hold a conversation about ancient artifacts, you shouldn't count on that happening. So what will Lara Croft do for your party? She'll make every other girl there jealous- which could help you "raid some wombs" later on. In case you were wondering, yes "Womb Raider" is a real film. Shockingly it only received 3.5 stars on IMDB.
Article Ryu's First DateOctober 18, 2010
And that's how I became a lawyer. And what did you say you did again?
Oh, I'm a street fighter.
I fight people on the street. Street fighter.
No. Well, sometimes. Okay, often. But sometimes I fight other super fighters. Like my best friend Ken.
You fight your best friend?
Yes. Also my enemies, though. That part makes more sense.
And you do this exclusively on streets.
Well, sometimes in arenas, or secret labs. But yeah, often we fight on streets. Like, definitely more than actual fighters should be.
Maybe you should do something more important. Than, like attacking hobos. Do you make anything from this?