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Article 15 Fun Facts About Mario & Friends

April 8, 2011

Filed Under   mario

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #70

April 8, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I finally caved today and drank my last bottle of Mountain Dew Game Fuel. It was 5 years past the expiration date.-Anonymous

This year I had a short Christmas list. One of the few things I asked my parents for was the Scott Pilgrim graphic novel set. When my mom went to the bookstore to get it for me, the clerk commended her purchase. He told her that graphic novels are a great way to get young kids into reading. They shared a good laugh when she informed him that I'm a 23-year-old college graduate still living at home.-Anonymous

I've played Nascar videogames so much that one of my controllers only turns left. Now I have an oval controller and a road course controller.-Anonymous

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article The Dorklyst: The 6 Worst Attempts At Realism In Videogame History

April 7, 2011

For much of gaming history, publishers tossed around the word "realistic" as if it were a synonym for "quality." Some developers seemed to believe games would only be perfect once they had replicated every bowel movement, popped zit, and sweaty handshake found in real life. As you may imagine, hilariously awful missteps ensued. Here are six of the worst offenses committed in the name of "videogame realism."

6.) Dragonheart: Fire & Steel – The Stamina Bar

A licensed game with broken features? Shocking, I know. Conceptually, the stamina bar is actually a solid gaming concept. It's a special power (like speed) that the player can dole out at their leisure. In Dragonheart, however, you didn't lose stamina when you sprinted or used a special attack, but literally every time you swung your sword. Taking on more than few opponents left you either panting and out of breath, or hiding behind your shield, hoping nobody saw you. Add embarrassingly visible erections, and it was seventh grade gym all over again!

Filed Under   the dorklyst

Article The Weekly IRL: 7 More Pictures of Pokemon Invading Real Life

April 7, 2011

Filed Under   the weekly irl   pokemon

Article 7 Quotes That Could Have Saved The Star Wars Prequels

April 6, 2011

Filed Under   star wars

Article The Dorklyst: 6 Videogame Villains Who Fought For Good

By Brian Murphy and Owen Parsons / April 5, 2011

Most videogame antagonists are pretty one-dimensional: they're content to twirl their mustaches, tie the hero's girlfriend to the tracks and drink milk straight from the carton. But every now and then a villain comes along whose motives run a little bit deeper. Maybe these "evil" characters are just misunderstood heroes with bad PR. Or even a true-blue villain who repents and hitches his wagon to the good guy caravan late in the game. We love these guys especially, because villain-turned-heroes are awesome: They dress better, they don't take any crap, and they still have that aura of lingering badassery that a Mario or a Crono is never going to achieve. In honor of our one-time enemies that fought alongside us, here are our candidates for the prestigious Vegeta Award For Excellence In Being Less Evil Than You Used To Be.

6) Knuckles

The jury's still out on what exactly an echidna is, but if they're at all like Knuckles in Sonic 3, we can assume they're a race of pointy-fisted animals that occasionally flip switches that make you fall off waterfalls. Then laugh about it. A lot.

As it turns out, Knuckles isn't actually that much of a dick. He had been tricked by Robotnik into thinking that Sonic was trying to steal the Master Emerald. And as the last surviving Echidna on Angel Island (thank you, Wikipedia), it was his sworn duty to protect it. Eventually he grew wise to Robotnik's evil ways (the army of robot slaves didn't tip him off initially) and joined up with Sonic. Nowadays, Knuckles is one of Sonic's greatest allies, even earning a title credit in the follow-up game, "Sonic & Knuckles," after only one appearance. See, this is why Tails drinks.

Filed Under   the dorklyst

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #44

April 5, 2011

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

I have found that playing in the nude improves my KD. The whipped cream doesnt hurt, either.-Zach
I just overheard my younger brother telling his friend over Xbox to "Watch out, they're taking us from behind!" while playing CoD Zombie. -Tild
I was playing in a COD: BO Team Deathmatch and a little kid was repeating what everyone saying ex., 'You're an ass' 'No, YOU'RE an ass'. Until one point someone said 'Yeah that's funny, If I wanted my own come back I would've wiped it off of you're mothers chin.' The kid raged-quit a few moments later.-Matt
Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article 6 Bioshock Anti-Drug Posters

April 4, 2011

Filed Under   bioshock

Article 5 Bioshock Audio Diaries If Andrew Ryan Was a Furry

By Brian Murphy and Kevin Corrigan / April 1, 2011

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #69

April 1, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I only like going to the mall because I can sit on the massage chairs in Brookstone and pretend Majin Bu is absorbing me.-Memo

I recently bought a big mirror and hung it on the wall above my bed. My wife thinks I did it to spice things up. The truth is, I did it so I can see the TV and play my old Virtual Console games while I crap.-Anonymous

I just spent the night looking up which traits of the Weasley and Potter families are dominant and recessive. I'm trying to predict what Harry's children will look like. I plan to compare it to the actors they use in the final movie.-Gary

Filed Under   pwn my life