Articles

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Article IRL Pokemon: Learning is Dangerous

By Brian Murphy / April 15, 2011


Filed Under   irl   pokemon

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #71

By Kevin Corrigan / April 15, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

Last year I was a manager at a pool. I discovered that one of my friends/employees had never played a Zelda game nor seen a single Star Wars movie. I let him borrow the original trilogy and my copy of Ocarina of Time. Then I refused to give him any hours until he'd finished A New Hope and gotten past the Jabu-Jabu's belly level.-GM

Before Guitar Hero World Tour came out, I was in awe of the new drum controller. I was so excited. A month before it came out, I started using my high school's drum set and practice room so I'd be ready. At the end of the month, the band director complimented me on how good I'd become and asked me to play in a show. Apparently I'd become one of the best percussionists at school.-Chris

I realized Santa Claus doesn't exist when I noticed that my parents didn't want me to play videogames and Santa wouldn't bring me any I asked for.-Tut

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article The Dorklyst: 6 Minigames More Fun than the Actual Games They Were In

By Kevin Corrigan / April 14, 2011


Somewhere down the line, game developers decided they weren't satisfied with just making games. They wanted to put games in their games. Miniature games. Some of them break up the single player experience, some of them add multiplayer and some of them are just something to do when you're bored (but not so bored that you want to turn the system off, go outside and meet other people). On rare occasions, minigames can be even more fun than the games they were packaged in. This is a tribute to the minigames that shamed their macrogames.

6) Original Pitfall (Pitfall: The Mayan Adventures)


I was alive in 1994, so I remember when there was only one videogame genre: platformer. Back then it wasn't a videogame if you weren't jumping over death pits to move the screen right. Pitfall: The Mayan Adventures didn't bring anything new to the table. It was full of cliches like jungles, vine swinging and runaway mine carts. While not a bad game by any means, you'd pretty much seen everything there was to see by the third level. The developers must have realized this because that's where they snuck in a secret portal to the '80s, one that stripped away all your bits and let you play the classic Atari version of Pitfall. It's still got the cliche vines and pits, but that's only because it invented them. Pitfall was the game that defined the genre. For better or worse, every platformer that came afterwards owes a lot to the original Pitfall, none more so Pitfall: The Mayan Adventures.

Filed Under   the dorklyst

Article The Weekly IRL: Girls Cosplayin' Guys (7 Pictures)

By Staff / April 14, 2011


Filed Under   the weekly irl

Article 7 More Videogame Cocktail Recipes From The Drunken Moogle

By The Drunken Moogle / April 13, 2011

See more videogame recipes at The Drunken Moogle. And submit your own drink recipe to the Dorkly Facebook page for consideration!

Phoenix Down (Final Fantasy Cocktail)
Ingredients:1/2 shot Absinthe1/2 shot Zwack (Jagermeister will work too)2 tsp. Simple Syrup1 Splash GrenadineFill rest of the glass with Club Soda
Directions: Mix the absinthe, syrup, and soda water in a smaller glass (a perigord absinthe glass is used in the picture) until the drink becomes opalescent. Add ice if you prefer the drink really cold. Before serving, add the Zwack and grenadine. Both will settle nicely, leaving a nice orange on the top and a deep crimson below.
Unfortunately, Phoenix Downs may not be 100% effective when raising the dead, as I'm sure some spiky-headed ex-SOLDIERs know.
Filed Under   the drunken moogle

Article The Dorklyst: 7 Minor Characters Nerds Made Famous

By Staff / April 12, 2011


Writers, directors, and artists all put a lot of work into designing awesome characters that nerds will obsess over. Sometimes this works and you make a cool space wizard like Darth Vader, other times you screw up and make a whiny emo teen like Anakin Skywalker. Fans are fickle like that: sometimes there's no explaining what makes a character worth talking about. For example: here are 7 extremely minor characters that nerds deemed obsession-worthy.

7) Youngster Joey (Pokemon)



Youngster Joey is the first trainer you battle in Pokemon Gold/Silver/Crystal after your Rival. In case you haven't heard, he's got a Rattata. Did you know that his super cool Rattata is in the top percentage of Rattatas? Yes? Doesn't matter, he'll keep phoning you and feeding you the same line of BS about how special his Rattata is again and again for the rest of the game, no matter how many times you and your team of elemental murder-beasts pound his dumb little rat into pudding.

Listen kid, your Rattata's not special. And since you never bothered to catch another Pokemon to back it up in battle, I'm pretty sure it hates you, too. After countless players were subjected to Youngster Joey's inane, semi-grammatical prattling, "My Rattata is in the top percentage of Rattatas" became a widespread meme online, proving that the internet loves mentally-handicapped pokemon trainers, or that it just hates itself. Maybe both.

6) Joseph Frost (Resident Evil)



Joseph has the dubious honor of being the first person you see die in the original Resident Evil. Your helicopter lands in the forest outside the Spencer Mansion, everyone walks around for a little bit, then Joseph gets eaten by a dog. The guy doesn't even make it through the opening cutscene. In a game full of zombie-fodder teammates, Joseph is arguably the suckiest.

But that doesn't stop people from inexplicably falling in love with him. While not as famous as the others on our list, Joseph is notable for just how far his fans had to reach to come up with any info about the guy. A quick YouTube search for "Joseph Frost" shows about a page of tributes featuring terrible pop songs over poorly drawn caricatures. Since we learn literally nothing about him in the 5 seconds he's alive during Resident Evil, we can assume that people think he's cool because he wears a bandana. To be fair, it is a sweet bandana.

Filed Under   the dorklyst

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #45

April 12, 2011

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

I once knew a guy who made his GT "like seven midgets", so when playing online with him you'd get messages like "You killed like seven midgets" or "You were beaten down by like seven midgets".-Kristen
I was playing COD:MW2 and I walked into a lobby and into the middle of a conversation between some people and this girl.Girl: "Yes. I'm a girl" Boy 1: "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?"Boy 2 "Yea, you should be making me a sandwich with you left hand cause girls don't have rights." (Get it?)The room: (laughing)Girl: "OMG, that's racist!!"The room: (slient)
Not that it really matters, but her avatar was blond…-Phil
Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article Venn Diagram: Things Liked By Nerds, Goths, And Jocks

April 11, 2011

Filed Under   nerds   awful good

Article 15 Fun Facts About Mario & Friends

April 8, 2011

Filed Under   mario

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #70

April 8, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I finally caved today and drank my last bottle of Mountain Dew Game Fuel. It was 5 years past the expiration date.-Anonymous

This year I had a short Christmas list. One of the few things I asked my parents for was the Scott Pilgrim graphic novel set. When my mom went to the bookstore to get it for me, the clerk commended her purchase. He told her that graphic novels are a great way to get young kids into reading. They shared a good laugh when she informed him that I'm a 23-year-old college graduate still living at home.-Anonymous

I've played Nascar videogames so much that one of my controllers only turns left. Now I have an oval controller and a road course controller.-Anonymous

Filed Under   pwn my life