Article A True Pokemon MasterFebruary 7, 2011
I did it! I have all the badges and I caught them all. I'm the Pokemaster!
You did it! Now, on to the elite-
Silence! Build me a palace of solid gold!
I am your god now.
No, you just caught some Pokemon.
Article 7 Terrible Ideas for VideogamesFebruary 4, 2011
Article Pwn My Life: Issue #62February 4, 2011
Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at CollegeHumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.
I went to see the new Harry Potter movie with my girlfriend the day it came out. I got SUPER pumped during the Green Lantern trailer. In the end of the trailer, Ryan Reynolds says "In brightest day, in blackest night.." aka the first part of the Hal Jordan Green Lantern oath. I was saying it along with him and thought he was going to finish it. Instead, the entire theater heard me yell "no evil shall escape my sight. Let those who worship evil's might, beware my power Green Lantern's light!"-Lee
I knit during cutscenes. So far I've made mittens while replaying Twilight Princess and a scarf during Black Ops.-Anonymous
A couple weeks ago my girlfriend realized I wash my hands every time I'm about to touch a comic book, but not every time I put in my contact lenses.-Seth
Nobody likes levels that automatically scroll or ice levels where you slip around but what if you combine the two? What if there was a level where you were automatically sliding to the bottom at all times, and there was nothing you could do to stop it? Let's find out with our tribute to the ten greatest slide levels of all time.
10. Super Mario Galaxy 2: Tall Trunks Galaxy's Tall Trunk Slide
Going all the way back to Super Mario Bros. 3, the Mario series has had a long-stranding and honorable tradition of having its protagonist slide down hills on his butt. Many unfortunate Koopa Troopas and Buzzy Beetles who have been on the wrong end of Mario's butt will tell you it's one his most deadly secret weapons. The game never really explained if this invincibility came from momentum or magic butt powers (I have theories), but for whatever reason Mario decided to get on his feet for the the Tall Trunk Slide of Mario Galaxy 2. This new posture and confidence lets Mario run on the ceiling when the slide fills out into a tube, a continuation of the Galaxy series' theme of playing with gravity.
9. Gunstar Heroes: The Pyramid
It's easy to describe cult-classic Gunstar Heroes as "anime Contra," but then you'd be leaving out the time-reversing bombs, Dice Palace boss/board game, and the epic 7-part battle with Seven Force. This is a relentlessly creative game that even features an exciting anti-gravity twist on the mine cart level. Their take on the slide level was simple just add guns. That's right, Gunstar Heroes is the only slide level on this list where you can actually shoot a gun while you slide. The Pyramid is one of videogaming's most satisfying slide levels because it's not about avoiding obstacles, it's about blowing right through them.
Article 5 Annoying Types of Gamers
Congratulations! Despite your penchant for reading articles about video games on the internet, you've managed to scrounge up enough friends to warrant buying some extra Xbox controllers and a few multiplayer-heavy button mashers. Social life: managed, right?
Who or what you choose to play as in games as juvenile as Mario Kart to as life-replacingly epic as Mass Effect say a lot about the character of any gamer (excuse the pun.) Allow me to provide a comprehensive guide on who you're dealing with based on player character selection, and how to deal with them. Happy hunting.
1. "I'm Really Good With Kirby" Guy
How to spot him: Your first thought when walking in the room and spotting him is "Oh, this douchebag." He plays the easiest character to win with in any game, but insists he "knows all the tricks" and isn't just button mashing like the rest of you. Get a few drinks in him and he'll challenge the entire room to play him in his video game of choice as that character, then blame every external factor possible ("The sun was in my eyes!" "It's two AM, dude." "There was glare!") on why you kicked his ass in under a minute with your obscure favorite character.
Best course of action: Don't bait this inevitable douchecube into a match on the off chance he's the 1% that is actually really good at playing Kirby or Link (Soul Calibur 2 Link, the dirty bastard with the bombs that took away half your health. Remember that sh*t?). If he's the one to challenge you, pull out your A game and stomp him, preferably in a public setting. It'll hopefully shut him up and save the rest of us from having to do the same.
2. "She's Just A Good Character!" Bro
How to spot him: He really likes the Dead Or Alive series, even the godawful volleyball games. He gets his ass kicked in every fighting game and RPG he plays because of his terrible choice in character or character build. He hasn't played the new Call Of Duty because he's in the middle of replaying an old Final Fantasy title. Why beat around the bush (again, excuse the pun)? This guy likes boobs, and he plays games and characters with the lowest clothing-to-digital-boob ratio.
Best course of action: Just let the guy be. Leave him, his vintage Capcom titles and his hentai porn alone. And ALWAYS knock before you walk into his dorm room, lest ye be scarred for eternity.
Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #36February 1, 2011
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.
While recently playing Team Fortress 2, some of the players got into a conversation about the new option to rename weapons and what names to use, some were genuinely funny, some where pop culture references, etc. Soon though one of the younger players stated he wanted a suggestion to for a weapon by asking "My flame thrower is good at blowing people, what should I call it?" which was immediately replied with "name it after your sister."-Michael B.