Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.
From 5th to 6th grade, I had the biggest crush on a girl in my class and no social skills. This was bad news for her. She suffered a lot pseudo-stalking, odd behavior, and random, creepy notes filled with my best (awkward and terrifying) attempts to imitate Shakespeare. Somehow none of it was getting her to acknowledge my existance. As if I hadn't traumatized her enough, I did the most romantic thing I could think of. I serenaded her with the complete song and lyrics from the opera house scene in Final Fantasy 3. In our homeroom. In the middle of the day. On graduation day. I thought it was going great until she ran screaming and crying down the hall. I'd love the chance to get in touch with her to apologize, but to this day she hasn't joined a single social networking site. I wonder why.-Michael
I brought the Maximum Carnage trade paperback with me when I got a tattoo, so I would have something to read while they did it. The tattoo artist asked if I wanted a spiderman tattoo, and I had to stop for a moment because I couldn't decide if I wanted to get my original idea or Spiderman.-Anonymous
I work as a waitress in a small restaurant. Our boss let's us wear what we want as long as it's appropriate and we don't mind getting it dirty. I made myself a bartender's outfit with an apron, dyed my hair blonde, cut it short, and started wearing sunglasses. Every day I go to work cosplaying as Heiwajima Shizuo from the anime Durarara and no one else knows it.-NK
Before everyone had four consoles in their house and a phone that had more games than phone numbers, the only way to play the newest and coolest videogames was to steal $10 from your mom's fanny pack, hop on your bike, and head to the arcade. We honor the quarters that sacrificed their lives in the last decade of the 20th century with this tribute.
Mario, I am sick of your attitude.
Psh. Whatever. I'm a hero, okay? You're a side-kick.
Listen, I conquered a haunted mansion. Why does no one remember that? I saved your life from ghosts.
Hey bro, I was too busy exploring the galaxy, right? Am I right?
You can't even hurt Boos man. I've seen you, with fire-flowers, stars, nothing. I eradicated a haunted mansion while you were Super Mario Sunshine-ing.
Super Mario Sunshine? Come on. That sounds like an off-brand poorly translated detergent.
Woah, bro. Slow clap for that.
Okay, seriously man, you're just being a jerk. You always do that,
Jealous much, dweeb?
Keep pushing me, Mario. Keep going.
What are you gonna do? Oh, and even Wario's had some games, you know. And no one likes Wario.
Hey Mario, where do you think all the Koopa Kids come from?
Awww, they're nerds.
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.
Boss Music is a weekly column dedicated to classic videogame music. Have a game you want featured? Tell us at the Dorkly Facebook page.
Ah, Red, you're back. Did you study the mating habits of the Wigglytuff?
Professor, we have to talk.
About the Poke'dex-
What kind of professor are you?
You know that level five poke'mon are really, really low, right?
And three of them is not a lot of Poke'mon for a world famous professor to have. At first I was like, "oh, wow, a Poke'mon!". It turns out there are lots and lots of Poke'mon.
What, you never saw a Rattata? They're everywhere. Level eights. Here, I got you twelve.
Why, the Poke'dex must have helped-