Articles

1. The egg bursts open- the larvae is now a terrifying zergling, ready to do the bidding of the Hivemind.

2. Zergling 1

   Oh God that was gross.

3. Zergling 2

   Yea… By the way, some things happened back in the egg-

4. Zergling 1

   Lets just forget about it, k?

5. Zergling 2

   Yea… but it was good for you right?

6. Zergling 1

   Gary, I thought we said-

7. An ancient voice from an unseen presence reaches the 6 zerglings.

8. Hivemind

   Ok, that's enough. Too long have we waited in the shadows- plotting our return has taken millennia and now we are ready. Now we will sweep over this planet in an awesome pestilence. The evolution is complete and now we can- where's the sixth of you?

9. Zergling 3

   He said he "required more vespene gas" and then he just kind of ran off.

10. Zergling 6 stumbles in and collapses on the creep- muttering about Robot-Chicken, peanut butter and Pringles.

11. Hivemind

    Christ… Ok just attack.

12. Zergling 2

    Ok, I can get behind that-

13. Hivemind

    Now.

14. Zergling 1

    Right, now?

15. Hivemind

    Are you questioning the Hivemind?

16. Zergling 6

    Don't you question that Hivemind!

17. Zergling 1

    Why do you always pretend to be Tyler Perry's Madea when you get high?

18. Hivemind

    I don't see any rushing… this is a 'zerg-rush' you know.

19. Zergling 2

    No, we just thought… well sir-

Have a submission for next week's issue? Send pictures to weeklyirl at gmail. Next Issue: Terrible Translations.

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

A good friend of mine just got married. He had Song of Storms from Ocarina of Time playing when the bride's maids and the groomsmen entered. It was incredible.
-Magnus

I told my niece the plot of Final Fantasy VII as a fairy tale, split into 14 nights. She cried when Sephi killed Aerith.
-Dave (who also cried when Sephi killed Aerith)

I used to play EverQuest and was pretty good. I was in a top guild and considered to be among the best of my class. One night I ordered a pizza, and the delivery guy noticed my computer screen. He played too, and started asking me about EQ and my character. I told him who my character was expecting a good reaction, or at least some recognition. Instead, his face stayed blank and he started telling me about his character. I got fairly upset.
-Anonymous

When I was 13, I had a Super Mario Bros. 3 emulator from which I print-screened every single character, object, and background into MS Paint. Then, I'd spend my time pasting together my own carefully designed kick-ass dream levels.
-Tony

1. Spectator #1

   So, who's playing today?

2. Spectator #2

   Looks like a pair of identical twins against a different pair of identical twins.

3. Spectator #1

   Huh. What are the odds, right?

4. Spectator #2

   Pretty high, actually. I've been watching these matches for years, and it's mostly twins playing against twins.

5. Spectator #1

   Whoa! Did you see that?

6. Spectator #2

   What?

7. Spectator #1

   Each set of twins is swinging in unison! It's… kind of creepy.

8. Spectator #2

   Well, you know. Tennis is a creepy sport, right?

9. Spectator #1

   …Maybe. Jeez, these guys aren't very good.

10. The balls flies into the stands.

11. Spectator #1

    I mean, what was that?

12. Spectator #2

    Oh, that's this team's signature play. When the ball's headed to their side, they both swing at the same time, but the front guy misses, so when it gets to the back guy he's still recovering from that first swing and he just kind of flails around wildly. He generally either hits the ball into the stands or misses completely.

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

During a Halo 3 session with my buddies we had gotten the mythic map packs before it was released for the USA. These group of 7-12 year-olds were begging us how you get them. We told them if you join recent players custom games and SCREAM AS LOUD AS YOU CAN you will receive the map packs from us. We got a party of around 10 of these kids. We join some random kids game and out of nowhere the recent player is freaking out because there is 10 little kids screaming their asses off!!
-Danceder0961

"I put up with so much crap from my ex-wife. When she asked if her boyfriend could move in with us, that's when I'd had it."
-Tim R.

Me and my friend were playing CoD MW2, and some kid with the gamertag "CalibratedLemur" was annoying everyone, yelling "GET SOME!" after every kill and generally being an ass. Then, about halfway through the game we hear: "Hey, CalibratedLemur. That rhymes with lubricated wiener, which is what you want, in your FACE." This followed with a weak "Nuh uh…", and then LubricatedWiener shut up. I think someone's due for a new gamertag.
-Sam W.

1. Marine

   Alright, here we go!

2. Command Center

   Good luck, marine.

3. Marine

   Yeah! These other marines don't know what they're up against.

4. Command Center

   Ooh…about that…

5. Marine

   What? Do they have Firebats? Vultures? We have some too, so-

6. Command Center

   We're fighting alien monsters.

7. Marine

   What?

8. Command Center

   An evil swarming hive-mind of monsters. They hatch from eggs. A lot of them shoot spikes or acid, or something. I figured someone would have told you.

9. Marine

   Wow, uh, nope. They never mentioned the horrible, horrible monsters. In fact, they barely mentioned me being a marine. I'm an astronaut. That's why I'm in freaking space.

10. Command Center

    Yeah, you should have thought about that before you accepted those 50 minerals, science boy.

11. Marine

    Okay, so space monsters. Wow. I guess we, we can out smart them, right?

12. Command Center

    Well in theory. They tend to just rush and kill things. And there's also a race of alien robot geniuses. We have to fight them too.

13. Marine

    Can't we work with them?