Articles

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Article Mortal Kombat Is Confusing

By Lev Novak / May 4, 2011
  1. Scorpion

    …So I told her, "get over here!"

  2. Raiden

    Classic Scorpion…did she get over there?

  3. Scorpion

    No…

  4. Raiden

    Maybe you should stop yelling it like a murderer.

  5. Sub-Zero

    Scorpion! I have come to slay you!

  6. Scorpion

    Impossible! I have already slain you!

  7. Raiden

    …Don't you guys, like, kill each other all the time?

Filed Under   mortal kombat   conversations

Article The Dorklyst: 6 Games That Wish They Were Pokemon

By Brian Murphy and Owen Parsons / May 4, 2011


Pokemon is one of the most recognized, most-adored video game franchises in the world. Its addictive "catch 'em all" formula is so potent it's basically a mandatory $35 tax on having a child. But dozens of competitors have also tried to create their own collectible monster empires; some have done well, some haven't. But every game's subtext is clear: "I wish I was Pokemon. I want to be Pokemon so bad." Here are six of the jealous types:

6) Dragon Warrior Monsters:


If Japanese RPG's were a high school, Dragon Warrior/Quest would be a decade-reigning-super-senior with a legal drinking ID and the popularity of 12 condensed Fonzies. Let the other franchises come and go… Dragon Quest will still be sitting here on his truckbed, pounding beers with his buddy Final Fantasy for as long as the genre exists. Until, (record scratch), that Pokemon kid from across town showed up and upset the pecking order. That's when DQ lowered his sunglasses and muttered "I gots to learn me those moves."

So we get Dragon Warrior Monsters and the "privilege" of catching monsters instead of just swording them to death. Charmed, thank you. But there is some awesome news: when filling out their bestiary, DWM dipped into six RPG's worth of old enemies, meaning we could command mummies, robots, and ghost dragons of our very own. But while post-capture Pokemon unconditionally love you as if you weren't the same wandering jackass who beat them into unconsciousness, these guys had to be watched, or they'd go wild again. Plus, getting a monster you wanted was a lot more complicated than tossing a Pokeball. You could lure the basic ones with meat, but if you wanted an Ultra-rare Godspawn of your very own, you had to hatch it. And that meant generation after generation of monster breeding. But hey, if watching two mummies pork was your goal, then maybe this is the game for you.

Filed Under   pokemon   the dorklyst

Article Issue #2

May 3, 2011

Have a nerdy horror story you want to share with the Internet? Send your submissions to areyouafraidofthedork@gmail.com!

Freshman year of High School my friends and I got super into WoW. I was a warlock. My friends and I would joke around by doing imitations of my voidwalker. While it was funny at first it really got to me. So much so that after a while I started to have nightmares about a voidwalker chasing me. To top it all off, I thought I saw a voidwalker in my room one night and punched this hallucination, which in reality was the shadow of my night stand. My dad made me pay for the damages to the wall and fix it myself using dry wall and a paint brush. -Tyler

My brother and his friend were playing a game on the old Sega Master System, which had a toggle button on the front to turn it off and on. While they were playing, I accidentally hit the power button down, but hadn't released it yet which kept it from turning off. My brother made me sit there holding the button down until they were done playing hours later.-Ivan P.

My dad has always been a bit of a casual gamer. He was unusually fond of Star Fox. So when I got a PS2, my dad was a little disappointed when he found out there was no Star Fox for it. Back when the PS2 was thriving in all it's glory, I had quite the collection. Then I went away to my mom's for the summer. During that time, my father decided he should trade in my system with all my games for a Gamecube so he could play Star Fox Adventures. I never cried so much in my life.-Sonny C.

Article What Your Choice Of Civ Says About You

By Alex Schmidt / May 2, 2011

Filed Under   civ

Article IRL Pokemon: HM Cut Has Its Drawbacks

By Caldwell Tanner / April 29, 2011


Article Pwn My Life: Issue #73

By Kevin Corrigan / April 29, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

Because the Playstation Network has been down these last couple days, I managed to write my thesis paper, study, do well on my exams and get back my girlfriend. Otherwise I would have played Black Ops.-Crispy

Shortly after I joined the Army, my unit was doing land navigation. It involves finding plotted points on foot with a compass, a map and a protractor. It isn't extremely difficult, but most people find it challenging the first time. I finished the course way ahead of the rest of my squad and got all of my points. They were impressed and asked me if I used to be an Eagle Scout or something. I told them that I had actually learned how to keep myself oriented by playing hours upon hours of Zelda. I immediately lost their respect.-Patrick

Growing up, my great aunt was a religious nut. When I was 6, she gave me $20 and told me to buy something to put in my room to remind me of my lord and savior. I bought a poster of Goku.-Kieran

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article The Dorklyst: The 10 Craziest Japanese Titles in Videogame History

By Caldwell Tanner / April 28, 2011


As a rule of thumb, if a game was made in Japan, it's going to be at least a little weird. But some games go above and beyond when it comes to that legendary J-Factor, and as such I've compiled what I believe to be the 10 most insanely Japanese titles ever slapped on a videogame.

10. "Fly Mr. Science: Great Expedition of the Earth! Challenge the Mysterious and Strange Creatures"


Let's start this list off right. Fly Mr. Science is a game that takes the bridge of cultural understanding we share with Japan and carpet bombs it out of existence. The strangest thing about this game, however, isn't that the main character is an unlicensed scientist without skin, but the fact that it's based on an educational Japanese children's television show. This game is their SchoolHouse Rock, and that explains so much about so many things.

Article The Weekly IRL: Cosplaying Couples And Nerd Love (6 Pictures)

By Staff / April 28, 2011


Filed Under   cosplay   the weekly irl   love

Article 8 Real & Fictional Addresses of Superheroes in New York City

April 27, 2011


1. The Avengers



Filed Under   marvel   comics   spiderman   superheroes   maps

Article Terrans Are Inefficient

By Lev Novak / April 27, 2011
  1. Marine

    Okay, Zerglings and Mutalisks coming. With me, Siege tanks, and Missile Turrets? This should be pretty easy.

  2. Siege Tank

    Okay, I'll handle the Zerglings.

  3. Missile Turret

    And I'll handle the Mutalisks!

  4. Marine

    Cool! And I'll…I'll shoot at both.

  5. Siege Tank

    Great. Good deal.

  6. Marine

    Wait. Can't you guys also shoot at both?

Filed Under   starcraft   conversations