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Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

We were playing Halo against this really nerdy kid that was talking sh*t and my friend comes out of nowhere and says "I bet you own a lot of ironic t-shirts don't you?" The kid left.
-Joshua

When Modern Warfare 2 came out, half of my co-workers got it and we all would always party up until 5 am. Every night things would be going good but after 3 am hit, one of my buds would always just go nuts. His most infamous quote "If this guy kills me again I'm going to quit my job and hang myself".
-Keith

It's always rough being a girl who likes to play COD. I was near the end of a match once, and some guy (as usual) asks if there were any girls. I spoke up, and they proceeded to call me a liar, and asked why I sounded, instead, like a twelve year old boy. I had no witty comebacks, other than, "yes I'm really a girl". But the coup de grace was some guy with a heavy southern accent saying "Son, why don't ya just go wank yer willy?" just as the match ended. I'm not sure my friends will ever let me live that one down.
-Nicole

A English guy on MW2 destroyed everyone in the game, he was unbelievably amazing and didn't say a word the whole time. The game was full of red necks who began shouting stereotypical English slurs and shouting references to the Revolutionary War. All this shouting was interrupted by a slurping noise that lasted a good 10 seconds followed by "WTF was that!!!" The English guy then replied: "That was a Victory Sip, bitch."
-Alex

1. Duke Nukem

When the world decided it didn't need Mr. Nukem's chauvinistic, bullet-spitting ways, it cast him aside like a spent shell casing. Disgruntled and disillusioned, Duke sought an outlet for his machismo-fueled rage. He entered himself in a series of mixed martial arts competitions- but was quickly thrown out of the league due to a liberal use of brass knuckles and lit cigars. After a few years of unemployment he finally landed a job as an umpire for little league t-ball games. He has been known to instigate fights among the childrens' parents- simply so he can throw a few punches. For entertainment he frequents the Detroit area "Chubby's," a topless bar with more "ample" employees.

2. Doctor Eggman

Ever since protests by PETA and allegations of animal cruelty got his doctorate taken away, Dr. Eggman has been attempting to stage a return to the scientific community. Unfortunately, there is no immediate need for devices that "suck up rings" and large, levitating demolition contraptions. These setbacks have forced Eggman to change the direction of his comeback. Using his odd physique, Dr. Eggman is currently developing a line of clothes for pregnant women and obese mad scientists, aptly titled "Bigger-Einstein's".

1. King of Red Lions

   You beckoned Link? Where shall the winds carry us today?

2. Link

   Actually, I was meaning to talk to you about that…

3. King of Red Lions

   Holy Shit! You can talk?!

4. Link

   Of course I can talk… I'm a boy. You're the possessed boat.

5. King of Red Lions

   KING boat, thank you very much.

6. Link

   You're still made of wood.

7. King of Red Lions

   At least I can jump.

8. Link

   Touché. Anyway… I was wondering how you always pop up right away when I play my flute.

9. King of Red Lions

   Oh, I just teleport over.

10. Link

    TELEPORT!?

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

It annoyed me that that Dan guy said "Megaball" instead of "Master Ball," and "MewToo" instead of "Mewtwo" in the last issue.
-Everyone. Get over it.

A few years ago I decided to start playing Maplestory again, but my friend had taken my account and changed the password. When I contacted the GM's, they refused to give me my password so I wrote to them, "You won't give me my password. I'm so depressed that I cannot go on living. I'm going to kill myself." Never thought much of it, until three weeks later when the cops and an ambulance showed up at my door asking if I was alive or depressed.
-Cory

Some guy in the 7-11 parking lot just yelled at me for looking at his girlfriend's chest. I wasn't. I was so upset that 7-11 was out of WWE Slurpee cups that checking out women was the least of my concerns.
-Sean

My GF and I decided it would be good to take a step backwards and move out after living together for a while. After living apart for two and half months, we both decided it would be better if I moved back in. We tell people that we have learned how to appreciate one another by living apart. The real reason is that I don't have a computer that runs WoW, and her back up computer works great. She and I decided that living together would be better for our WoW characters.
-Jan

You can only play through the main story of a game so many times, and with each replay, the experience becomes less and less enjoyable. From warp whistles to programming glitches, game secrets can refresh a stale gaming experience. Here's a tribute to our favorite ways to cheat in videogames.

1. Legend of Zelda, Ocarina of Time: The Biggoron Sword

In Hyrule, the good stuff was hard to get. REALLY hard to get. Even after braving all the temples, Link's Master Sword was only second second fiddle to the Biggoron Sword. To get it, Link had to facilitate the Hyrulian black market between all of the shadiest characters, deal in Odd Mushrooms and Pocket Eggs, wait three days, dodge rolling boulders, and cross the country several times; all for a sword he wasn't even man enough to hold with one hand.

2. Pokemon: Missingno

This was a secret that many attempted, but few carried out to the end. After sailing around on your Lapras for a few hours (in those days, gamers still had attention spans of steel), a jumble of tiny pictures named Missigno would try to fight you. Even better, if you ran away, Missigno rewarded your cowardice by duplicating one of the items in your backpack. If only the mutant fish in the polluted river near my house did the same.

1. Marine

   Finally, I can get out of this chicken-sh*t outfit.

2. Marauder

   Good job waxin' those critters today. Too bad those noob Zealots had to show up and ruin our fun.

3. Marine

   Yeah, they were all like "honor guide me" and "it shall be done."

4. Reaper

   More like, "your mom shall be done."

5. Marine

   Get some! But seriously, I'm amazed they end up reproducing with how ugly the Protoss women are.

6. Marauder

   Well, at least they aren't as slimy as the Zerg.

7. Reaper

   I don't know man. Kerrigan is kind of hot.

8. Marine

   What are you talking about? She's an evil monster.

9. Reaper

   Yeah, but imagine what she could do with those tentacles, and that outfit!

10. Marine

    She's the Queen of Blades, those limbs would unfurl your entrails boy, and that outfit is her exoskeleton. Plus I'm pretty sure she is infested bro.