Article Videogame Protagonists Team UpSeptember 27, 2010
Okay everyone, let's-a sit down. Now we all know-a why we're here. We're-a getting sick of fighting like a thousand enemies apiece with-a no help.
He's right, it sucks. It's even worse for those of us who can only be hit one time. We need to group together and sweep through everything, one world at a time.
But Sonic, you already have help-
(angry whisper) Dammit Tails, how many times to I have to tell you, you speak when spoken to.
Okay, each of us has-a skills that will come in handy for the group.
- Master Chief
I can get behind the wheel of literally any vehicle and pilot it with ease. You need a wheelman, I'm your guy.
I can run really fast. I could scout for the group.
- Mega Man
I'm a pretty good tinkerer. I can make something useful out of what's basically scraps from destroyed robots, so I could do gadgets.
- Sam Fisher
I have a knack for getting into places unnoticed. I could gather intel, or sabotage a place.
Article Pwn My Life: Issue #31September 23, 2010
Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.
Back in sixth grade I wasn't exactly a social butterfly, so I used to pretend my school was the Jedi academy and the other kids wouldn't talk to me because they were jealous of my extremely high Midichlorian count.
I was on a spring break road trip to California with a bunch of friends the day Pokemon SoulSilver was released. I made them stop halfway through the desert to find the nearest Gamestop so I could be first in the line of 12-year-olds at the store to get it.
I broke up with my first college girlfriend because she refused to see Star Wars and it made conversations difficult.
When the girl I had a crush on asked me to go to the midnight release of Halo Reach with her I fell in love. When the night came I picked her up and we made a bet that if I beat her she would give me a kiss. Everything was perfect until midnight came. I got so excited when I bought Halo that I puked in front of everyone in line. Needless to say she never kissed me, or called me again.
Article Sonic The Hedgehog: OriginsSeptember 22, 2010
Great news, Tails! I just got off the phone with Sega: they're offering a three-game deal!
Wow, this is incredible. We're going to be famous!
Yup, and get this: They're naming the game "The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog"
Wow! wait, what?
Man, I'm going to be rolling in rings when this thing blows up
No wait, hold on, Sonic. Why did they name the game after you?
Because I'm the main character. I'm a hedgehog with lightning speed and a bad attitude.
It's just have you seen hedgehogs? They're not very cool. They kind of just sit there.
Yeah, but how many hedgehogs have a sick blue mowhawk?
Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #18September 21, 2010
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.
So me and a bunch of my friends were playing Gears of War 2 on the weekend for the 25 times XP weekend. We hosted a game of Social Guardian and all of these random people started joining instantly. We played throughout the whole game and we destroyed the other team every round. At the end of the game one of the guys on there team started whining about how "it took two COG soldiers to take down one locust soldier". After he said that the room went quite and I said "you should be use to having two guys double team you" everyone in the room started laughing and the whole entire Locust team quit right after that.
I was playingÂ HaloÂ reach with one of my friends on Xbox live and we got to a part where a warthog was optional. We really don't like the vehicles much so we decided not to use it. I proceeded to destroy the warthog and my friend asked me why. I replied, "So the covenant don't use it." He continued by stating from his immense halo knowledge (all from halopedia might I say) that the covenant would never be caught dead in a warthog. Needless to say a warthog with 2 elites, one at the wheel the other at the turret come barreling around the corner and splatter my friend. I then heard his girlfriend say over the mic, "Wow you got owned, maybe I should be sleeping with your friend instead."