Articles

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Article Pwn Up: Homestuck

By Andrew Bridgman / February 1, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

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When I was 10, I bought my first GameBoy game – Pokemon: Blue Version. After I turned it on and started playing it, I got stuck: in my character's house. I didn't realize that the mat in front of the door was the way to exit a building. I spent about an hour pressing "A" on everything in that freaking house and gave up. I didn't touch the game or the GameBoy again until about 2 weeks later when a friend's sister showed me what to do after I told her I was "stuck" on one part in the game.
-Claire

I was late to work one day last week, and there is a long, clear, straight stretch of road I have to take to get there. The speed limit is 20 mph, though (because it's adjacent to a school parking lot and a residence hall), which makes it a great place for policemen to hang out and catch anyone going more than 5 over the speed limit. As I turned onto this road, my index finger began twitching – I was thinking of hitting F5 to quicksave in case I get caught speeding. I've been playing too much Skyrim.
-Natalie

I have a daughter on the way. I'm trying to convince my wife to name her Tali. I'm thinking of letting her name our daughter, so if we ever have a son, it'll be my decision and we can name him Garrus.
-Anonymous

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article The Dorklyst: The 10 Greatest Videogames Based On TV Shows

By Alex Schmidt / February 1, 2013
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When it comes to turning videogame ideas into TV shows, or turning TV ideas into videogames, that weird alchemy only works going in one direction. Television shows adapted from videogames are mostly goofy crap. But these ten television shows got adapted into videogames that are worth playing again and again. They prove that more TV should live on in playable pixelated form (even if it's only in our imaginations).

10. Animaniacs

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There's a lot of ways you could go with an Animaniacs videogame adaptation, and I'm still holding out for a Goodfeathers shoot-em-up. With so many options, Konami ended up making two different games based on the show, and got it right the first time with their earlier 1994 version for Sega Genesis. You get to bound through a movie studio lot with Blazing Saddles-like glee, alternating between Yakko (special attack: a paddleball), Wakko (special attack: a mallet), and Dot (special attack: blowing kisses), with a battle at the end against Pinky and the Brain. All in all, this game's as fun as a Wheel of Morality segment with Sonic-esque playability.

Filed Under   TV   the dorklyst

Article Pwn Up: The Triforce of Nacho Cheese

By Andrew Bridgman / January 25, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

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I was playing Skyrim while I had a friend over, and we were talking while I played and he watched. At one point he looks over at me and asks me why I was talking so softly. I was crouched, hidden, and looting a house at the time – I was taking things a little too far.
-Isaac


When I was about six years old, my dad bought us a Playstation with two games: Spyro (for me) and Aliens (for him). One day my dad walked in my room while I was playing Spyro, and he noticed I was still on the first level. I looked to him as serious as I could and told him that I loved the game and I never ever wanted to get to the end of it, so I never saved. Recently I found my old Playstation and I decided that it was time to finally get to the end of Spyro. I cried when I saw the ending credits.
-Dorien


I always cook Hot Pocket Snackers the same way.
-G

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Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article George Lucas Welcomes J.J. Abrams To Star Wars

By Andrew Bridgman / January 25, 2013
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Filed Under   facebook   star wars   gamebook   george lucas   jj abrams

Article Why 'StarCraft II: Heart of the Swarm' Was Delayed So Long

By Andrew Bridgman / January 25, 2013

StarCraft 2: Heart of the Swarm was originally expected to be released in 2011, or early 2012 at the latest. However, during development, it was continually delayed, until it was announced that it would be released on March 12, 2013. This announcement was soon followed by an gorgeously-rendered opening cinematic from the game:

Dorkly has discovered that this incredible cinematic was the reason for the delay. Here is a full transcript of the cinematic's director, presenting his original rough draft to the executives at Blizzard:


Okay. Wow. Something…something just occurred to me.

Hmmm. Hear me out.

That game you guys are working on – Starsomething 2? Craft? Ah, that's it. StarCraft 2. Right. Anyways, StarCraft 2 – you know how you asked me and the rest of the cinematic team to create an elaborate, gorgeously-rendered 3 minute opening cinematic for the next chapter of StarCraft 2, Heart of the Swarm? Well…there's a slight snag. We did produce an elaborate, gorgeously-rendered 3 minute opening cinematic. The scale of the thing is unbelievable – staggering, even. The effects are mind-blowingly realistic. Truly, this is our masterpiece. It's really a thing of beauty. We screwed up just one minor detail, though.

We made it for Shrek Fairy Tale Bowling 2013, not StarCraft 2.

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Article The 25 Greatest Videogame Sidekicks of All-Time

By Staff / January 25, 2013
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Dorkly readers / people who hate reading but come here anyway / people who aren't that into videogames but just like to engage in any kind of internet democratic process, your voices have been heard. Almost 1.5 million votes were tallied (you can check out the results here), and we have below the best sidekicks videogames have to offer. So sit back, relax, and prepare to get angry as hell when you realize your favorite Mass Effect squad mate was left off the list. These are the 25 greatest videogame sidekicks of all-time (according to you).

25. Rush (Mega Man series)

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Dog has always been man's best friend – but Rush is so much more than that (also, in his case it's "Robot Boy's Best Friend"). Not only is Rush a lovable, loyal canine, he's also an everchanging array of transportation tools for Mega Man to get over wide canyons, atop high ledges, and across seas of metal spikes – without any promise of Beggin Strips (or whatever fake bacon treat dogs like to chew on these days). Sure, he only sticks around for short bursts, but when he's there, you don't know how you ever got by without him. Plus, he never poops on the rug or needs to be walked. That's the mark of a great sidekick.

Filed Under   sidekicks   toplist   results

Article Videogames Are To Blame For Every Bad Thing That Has Ever Happened

By Andrew Bridgman / January 21, 2013
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Filed Under   thanks videogames

Article 8 Middle Earth PSAs

By Julia Lepetit, Andrew Bridgman and Caldwell Tanner / January 21, 2013

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Filed Under   lord of the rings   the hobbit   psa   middle earth

Article Pwn Up: Elegy of Nerdiness

By Andrew Bridgman / January 18, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

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When my brother and I were little, our parents would send us to bed early and interrupt our gaming sessions. We did not approve of this, so often we would wait until our parents went to sleep at the other end of the house before we got up and played again. I have fond memories of things such as beating Sonic Adventure: DX on the Gamecube right around dawn. And always with the sound off. I missed out on some great music just to ensure my parents never woke up.
-Mitchell

I was taking the SAT and on one of the questions asked me to define the word "elegy." I guessed the answer was "a mournful song or poem, usually relating to death", thanks to the Elegy of Emptiness. Thanks for getting me into college, Majora's Mask.
-Jason

After Pokemon X & Y were announced, I got so excited that I decided to go out and buy a used copy of Pokemon Diamond, the only generation I still hadn't played yet. When I booted up the game, the old save file showed a playtime of 115 hours, and a Pokedex count of 493. That's every single Pokemon in the game up to that generation. And to top it off, the person named their character Dawn, keeping it true to the original.

I sat there for ten minutes, unable to bring myself to erase such a magnificent save file. The thought of it made me feel so guilty, I even contemplated returning the cartridge to the store and getting a different one. But I finally pulled the plug. I erased the old data and started a new game, and as a memorial to the old owner, I named my character Dawn.
-Kevin

Filed Under   pwn my life   sonic   pwn up

Article The Pros and Cons of 6 Places To Play Mobile Games

By Andrew Bridgman / January 16, 2013
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Filed Under   mobile gaming   pros and cons