Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #24November 2, 2010
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.
A random conversation between two people who did not know each other on Halo Reach:
Xbox live player 1: Hey didn't you T-bag me earlier today?
Xbox live player 2: I don't know.
Xbox live player 1: Do you T-bag a lot?
Xbox live player 2: I did T-bag a guy in Spire.
Xbox live player 1: Yup, that was me.
Xbox live player 2: Oh . sorry dude.
"Have you ever masturbated with buttered popcorn?"
-Bryan B. playing team deathmatch in MW2
Playing Red Dead Redemption the other day I got embroiled in a massive land grab in Armadillo.Â A few of the guys in my posse had Southern accents, and the rest of us had, normal-ish voices (not Southern). Suddenly the posse leader pipes up with "Y'know I like y'all. You talk like British people but, I like you cause you're not British."Â WTF?
I was playing Modern Warfare 2 the other day and this guy was getting yelled at by what I assume was his girlfriend or wife. Â Finally he said, "I had told you if you slammed the door one more time I was gunna smack that sandwich right out your hand. Â Didn't I say that?"
Article Sidekick WoesNovember 1, 2010
Alright, we're ready for this, a new Sonic and Tails game-
Wait, Sonic and Tails? Like, Sonic first?
Yup. You're a great sidekick kid.
Oh, okay. I don't know, I just figured, you know, I was in charge.
Yeah. You know, a flying fox. That's pretty bad ass.
Well, yeah, but-
Also I'm immortal. Every time I die I fly back in like, what, five seconds? That's awesome!
I don't think you get it. Sonic is really fast.
We're aware I am equally fast, right? I can spin-dash too. Oh, and hey, I also, fly. That's pretty cool. So maybe I should be first
Article Pwn My Life: Issue #41October 28, 2010
Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.
Back in 1997 I was in 7th grade and president of the Star Trek club at school. Then the Star Wars special edition was released and I founded the Star Wars club. I was and still am huge fans of both Star Wars and Star Trek. After that, people started making fun of me for loving Star Trek. Following three weeks of torment, I began seeing a therapist. I ended up having an emotional breakdown in his office. It wasn't because I was being made fun of at school. It was because I couldn't decide what I liked more: Wars or Trek.
There has not been a single moral or otherwise challenging decision I've made since finishing Dragonball and Dragonball Z where I didn't ask myself, "What would Goku do?"
When I was 12, I wrote to Marvel because I thought I found a flaw in a Fantastic Four comic and wanted a "No Prize," which is an empty envelope rewarded to people who find continuity flaws. I told them not to publish my address at the end of the letter. Not only did they publish my letter, dig in to me for being wrong, and include my address, they must have thought I was a loser who needed someone to write to, so they also signed me up for their pen-pal program.
When I was little my parents gave my N64 to my cousin and got me a PS2. I recently learned that my aunt THREW OUT Ocarina Of Time and gave the N64 to my cousin's friend, who broke it in two weeks. When I found out, I tied up my cousin and made him listen to the Battletoads pause music for two hours.
Long before the Internet fell in love with them, zombies have been a fixture in videogames. And though they all fall under the general zombie game umbrella, the games themselves couldn't be more different. From the silly "Braiiiins"-chanting zombies to the ones who wipe out entire cities, here's our tribute to the virtual undead.
10. House of the Dead
There's a lot to be said in favor of the survival horror genre, but sometimes it's fun to just grab your gun and blow away some undead. And for all its mindless fun, House of the Dead actually has some complexity to it: The game re-writes the story based on how well you're playing. Failing to save a civilian from getting thrown off the bridge means you have to go through the sewer instead of the front door. Progressing through the game with a low rating means your fiancee dies. I've spent so many quarters beating the arcade version over and over that I probably should have saved that money for something more important.
Like my own House of the Dead arcade cabinet.
9. Plants vs. Zombies
Not every zombie game has humans fending for their lives and being forced to put an end to their undead loved ones. Some games are more adorable. Plants vs. Zombies is a tower-defense game featuring (occasionally) disco-dancing zombies battling peashooters, potatomines, and sunflowers among other plants and food stuffs. But don't let the cuteness fool you: Plants vs. Zombies is just as fun for hardcore gamers as it is for casual ones. You might scoff at it at first, but you'll change your tune when an army of flesh-hungry zombies eats through your walnut defense shields.
Article Smash Bros. Isn't FairOctober 27, 2010
Okay, everyone ready?
- Captain Falcon
Let's do this.
Wait, wait, hold up. This is a-absurd!
Stutter or accent?
A-screw you. You have a sword!
Oh, this? Yeah, but don't worry. I'm not very good.
How can you not be good? You have a sword!
All I can do is punch people!
- Captain Falcon
Oh, me too.
- Captain Falcon
Except a giant falcon made of fire hits them and it's totally lethal. Those kind of punches.
And-also, we're fighting a mouse and a kid! How can I hit a kid?