Article Crazy Taxi Hires Terrible People
Hey, I need to get to Union and Packard.
Where is that? Oh wait, the giant blinking green square-thing? No problem.
What? No, nothing is blinking. Are you okay?
Yup, the good old 'giant blinking square'. I'll just follow this giant green arrow hovering in the air as fast as possible.
Flash games exist in a strange world. Anyone can make them. They're not bound by big budgets or proven formulas like their console cousins. Any motivated programmer or 14-year-old kid can make a game and get it featured on Newgrounds if it's good enough. Any time someone has a novel gameplay idea, everyone else wants to put their spin on it. As a result, some weird genres emerged. XBox games come in clear, simple genres like "sports" and "shooters," but flash genres are more along the lines of "games where you fling things with your mouse." These are the most popular game genres you can play in your Web browser.
9. Motorcycle Physics
All motorcycle physics games can be traced back to the old PC game Action Supercross (later Elastomania). It was a motocross game where you drove an elastic motorcycle through twisty levels, collecting apples and trying to reach the goal. Flash developers decided that elastic motorcycles and collecting apples were too much for the fickle Internet audience. They stripped it down to the basics. As a result there are around a thousand games where you reach the goal by pressing back to lean back, forward to lean forward, up to drive, and down to brake. Originality aside, there are a surprising amount of good motorcycle physics games. They're all exactly the same, but if you pretend each new game is a level pack you can play forever. They're not specific to motorcycles, either. Monster trucks, skateboards, bicycles and Mars rovers have all proven that they can lean, accelerate and brake.
Article Issue #7June 7, 2011
Have a nerdy horror story you want to share with the Internet? Send your submissions to firstname.lastname@example.org!
I am the wimpiest gamer in existence. A few years back I was playing Wind Waker when I came across a room that freaked me out. After an hour, my mother came downstairs to see where all the pathetic whimpering was coming from. She found me in the bathroom, shaking from fear and bracing myself to vomit. That's right. I almost puked from getting huge adrenaline rushes. Darknuts are scary. -Stacie
When I was in 4th or 5th grade, my brother and I played the "Are You Afraid of the Dark?: Tale of Orpheo's Curse" on my grandfather's computer. I was convinced that Orpheo escaped from the game and was haunting the downstairs of my grandfather's house. I wouldn't go downstairs by myself until about the 8th grade.-Whitney
To this day I am scared of the dark because I'm afraid a Grue will get me.-Daniella
Article Pwn My Life: Issue #78
Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.
I work at a popular national home improvement store. I'm sometimes tasked with watering the plants in the garden center. This is a monotonous and boring job. To make things fun, I often take the hose and put it over my shoulder and pretend to be a blastoise. Not pretend pretend, just it makes me think "This is what it feels like to be a blastoise." I've been asked what I was doing. I say it makes the job easier. I was lying. It makes the job twice as hard.-Bill
When "Macho Man" Randy Savage died, I honored him by making a create-a-wrestler of him in WWF No Mercy for N64. Then I challenged HHH for the World Heavyweight Championship. I put the difficulty on expert and fought HHH for a full hour before I pinned him from an elbow drop off the top turnbuckle. RIP Macho Man.-Anonymous
A few weeks ago my mother gave birth to my little brother. My parents named him Damian. My name is Tim and my two older brothers are Richard and Jason. It took me a couple of days to discover we are named after each of the Robins from Batman. Shouldn't have been much of a surprise considering my father's name is Bruce.-Tim
Summer's here, and that can only mean one thing: sand, surf, and beaches galore. Well, for most people it means that. For us, it means the sun is blasting at temperatures that would make Ragnaros the Firelord faint, and our pale nerd skin offers about as much UV protection as a magnifying glass. So take our advice: lock the doors, crank the AC, and comfort yourself with the best virtual beaches videogames have to offer.
8. The Silent Cartographer (Halo: Combat Evolved)
For an artificial ringworld built to house the galaxy's biggest bomb, Halo had some pretty nice scenery. In the game's fourth level, your dropship kindly sets you down on a lovely little island and gives you, joy of joys, a shiny new warthog to tool around in. On a normal map you'd set about feeding aliens the business end of your four-wheeled bullet factory, but on Silent Cartographer you have more important business: immediate, unending joyrides into the ocean, with whatever suicidal space marine has enough viking blood to brave your passenger seat.
Plus, the island has plenty of ancient tunnels and underground facilities to explore, some of them even wide enough to pilot a dropship through. Not to mention the entire goal of the mission is to locate what amounts to Halo's visitor's center, containing your handy-dandy computerized guide to every tourist hotspot on the entire orbital weapon-world.