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Article 5 Reasons The Non-Superpowered Superhero Thing Is Bullshit

By Jason Iannone / April 18, 2014

Some of our most popular superheroes aren't super at all: they weren't born with special powers, never gained powers via some freak accident, and must rely completely on ingenuity and hard work to succeed. They're just like us!

Except...they absolutely aren't. The "superhero without superpowers" deal sounds nice, until you realize that every single one of them is naturally leveled up to the point where they become superpowered by default. No actual human could possess or accomplish what these people do, so the implication that these people are powerless, yet still super somehow, is pure bullshit.

So what amazing powers does your favorite non-powered hero possess? 100% of the time, they'll boast one or more of the following ...

 

1. Endless, Obscene Wealth

 

5 Reasons The NonSuperpowered Superhero Thing Is Bullshit

 

It's generally accepted that non-powered heroes need oodles of cash to make their violent hobby work. But even the richest of the rich have limits to their wealth; only about a hundred people on Earth have more than $10 billion in the piggy bank, after all. If anyone else were to spend money recklessly on some super-secret hero lifestyle, they'd be broke before they knew it. Even the super-rich would have trouble balancing their checkbook after a while, and once they start having to gather dimes to buy a Big Mac, they'd probably reconsider blowing another $15,000,000 on a camouflaging fighter jet.

But people like Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark do not have this problem. Not only are they ludicrously rich, but they stay ludicrously rich, and actually get ludicrously richer despite blowing untold amounts of cash on everything-proof armor, vehicles more powerful than every military tank on the planet combined, elaborate hideaways that are more difficult to access than Disney's Club 33, high-tech weapons, computers that can do literally anything, and sky-high medical bills.

Are they ever even hurting for money one teensy tiny bit? Of course not! Their businesses never fail (and if they do, they quickly come bck and their fortunes remain as mysteriously limitless as ever.) They have the power to piss money away and, as anyone who has struggled to keep the lights on or put food on the table can tell you, that might be the greatest superpower of all.

Filed Under   batman   iron man   superheroes   powers   green arrow

Article Well, These Videogame Consoles All Look Legit

By Staff / April 17, 2014

Step 1: Pick the worst movie of the year

Step 2: Forget how to spell "Batman"

Step 3: Re-evaluate your life choices

 

Well, These Videogame Products All Look Legit

 

via Technabob

 

 

 

If you're gonna knock off a console, maybe at least choose one of the successful ones.

 

Well, These Videogame Products All Look Legit

 

via My Treamcast

 

Filed Under   fake   internerd

Article Incredibly Satisfying Pokemon GIFs

By Staff / April 16, 2014

  

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via carororo

 

Incredibly Satisfying Pokemon GIFs

via TheDuskDragon

 

Filed Under   pokemon   gifs   internerd   satisfying

Article This Is What's Been Going On in the Miiverse

By Staff / April 15, 2014

It's time for us all to accept the facts about Sonic, a fictional videogame character

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via Yaraalsaleem 

 

DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE FACE OF MERCY??

Terrible Miiverse Posts

via KamikazeKane719

Filed Under   wtf   wii u   miiverse

Article ALERT: We Recommend You Change Your Password, Burn Your Computer, and Also Get A Whole New Face

By Andrew Bridgman / April 15, 2014

ALERT: We Recommend You Change Your Password, Burn Your Computer, and Also Get A Whole New Face

Hey guys!

So - you may have heard of the so-called "Heartbleed vulnerability" - essentially, it's a security bug in open-source OpenSSL. Many sites that were thought to be secure were anything but - and while updates have fixed the problem, the exploit was wide open for quite a long time.

As a result, we recommend you take the following actions:

 

1. Change your passwords.

All of your passwords. Email, Facebook, banks, secret knocks to get into the neighborhood clubhouse, safe words you've worked out with your sexual partner for when things go a little "too far", Twitter, etc. All of them may have been compromised.

 

2. Smash and burn your computer.

Unfortunately, the odds that your entire system has been corrupted is too great at this point. The only solution is to destroy the hardware and sever your connection to this technology. Some major shit is about to go down, and the suits were too late in catching it. We're talking that Johnny Cage 'Transcendence' movie type shit here.

 

3. Scatter the ashes of your computer across the four corners of the earth.

Keep the cursed remains of your computer as far away from each other as possible. It's only delaying the inevitable, but every second counts.

Filed Under   internet   heartbleed   security

Article What 'Game of Thrones' Actors Looked Like In Their Younger Days

By Staff / April 14, 2014

 

Young Tywin Lannister (in Pascali's Island)

Game of Thrones Actors In the Wayback Machine

Yep, that's Lannister patriarch Charles Dance - in total young stud mode - hanging out with young Helen Mirren. Old people! They used to be young!

 

Young Ned Stark (in The Bill)

Game of Thrones Actors In the Wayback Machine  

Old age is coming.

 

Article 7 Easy Steps To Making Your Own Darth Vader Cosplay!

By Staff / April 12, 2014

1. Gather Up All The Necessary Materials

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2. Succumb to the Tempting Nature of Power

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Filed Under   cosplay   fan art expo   c2e2   c2e2 weekends

Article The Best Cosplay in C2E2 History (Part 4)

By Staff / April 12, 2014

 The Chicago Comic & Entertainment Expo (C2E2)  is upon us - the biggest entertainment convention in the Windy City means one thing: cosplay. C2E2 has been home to some of the best cosplays in recent history, and this year they'll be honoring the costumed geeks from across the country with the C2E2 Crown Championships of Cosplay, a competition awarding cash and prizes to the best cosplayers around.

Excited? You should be. Here's a taste of some of the best cosplay from years past....

 

Too Many Gambits!

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via Collider

Filed Under   fan art expo   c2e2   c2e2 weekends

Article Share a Facebook Post and Win Two Free Tickets To C2E2! (Week 4)

By Staff / April 12, 2014
Share a Facebook Post and Win Two Free Tickets To C2E2 Week 4

Filed Under   fan art expo   c2e2   c2e2 weekends

Article 7 Times Graphical Limitations Helped Define Awesome Videogame Characters

By Karl Smallwood / April 11, 2014

Graphics are everything in the world of videogames - the capabilities of a graphics engine can completely change everything about what a game will ultimately be. The greater graphical abilities of the Playstation is what brought Square and Final Fantasy to Sony, the Mode 7 capabilities of the Super Nintendo allowed F-Zero and Super Mario Kart to exist at all, and the chunky graphics of the N64 captured James Bond's weird square hands for the first time ever.

But sometimes graphics can seemingly hold stuff back too. After all, each generation of videogames has their limits, and the developers are stuck working within those limits. But sometimes those limits can help define a character perfectly, in a way that more advanced graphics would have messed up. These are a few of those.

 

1. Crash Bandicoot looks the way he does because they didn't have any more polygons to flesh him out.

 6 Times Graphical Limitations Helped Define Awesome Videogame Characters

 

You only need to take one look at Crash Bandicoot to know why the wumpa fruit loving marsupial was a huge hit with fans from the start. His goofy grin, ungainly gait and big dumb shoes all combine into an instantly endearing character you can't help but want to go on an adventure/twirling backhand island natives with.

However, almost everything that makes Crash, well, Crash, is the result of the creators of the game simply not having enough polygons to work with. For starters, Crash's face was intentionally made as large and goofy as possible so that we could actually see it, this resulted in the character being designed with no neck, which resulted in his signature way of moving and turning to the camera. Speaking of movement, Crash's shoes are a result of the poor resolution of the screen making it difficult to make out his limbs when he was moving. Hell, the only reason that Crash Bandicoot is orange is because that was literally the only color that didn't make him look like shit in contrast to the stages he appeared on. It's also the reason no stages containing lava appear in the original game.

So maybe "graphics got too good" is the reason we haven't seen a new Crash game in so long. Yeah, that's probably it.