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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #8

July 1, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet?Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

Tattoo picture submitted by Marc.

I dislocated my kneecap and tore my meniscus playing MLB 2K9 on the Wii. When I told everyone how I got my injury, they mocked me, saying I broke my knee playing Wii baseball. It irked me that they didn't call it MLB 2K9 like I had said.-Frank

I was dating this girl for about two years in high school when she broke up with me. It was almost out of nowhere and she started dating some random guy she met a month before right after. Now at the time I had been playing Final Fantasy 9, and I had named the lead female character, Dagger, after her, Ashley. When we broke up, I used a re-name card and changed the name from Ashley to Slut and took her out of my main party. I'm almost embarrassed to admit how much better that made me feel. Almost.-Lilian

I took a week off work for the death of Batman.-Karl

I asked my boyfriend to marry me by getting down on one knee and putting a Nintendo Power Glove on his hand.-Suela

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article From Splinter Cell to Desk Job

June 30, 2010

Filed Under   sam fisher   splinter cell

Article What Other Pokemon Trainers Think Of Ash

June 30, 2010
  1. Trainer 1

    Hey, whatsup?

  2. Trainer 2

    Not much. Just chilling.

  3. Trainer 1

    Cool, cool. Yeah, that makes sense. It's a beautiful day to stand in one spot staring forward and approach anyone who passes by.

  4. Trainer 2

    Exactly. But want to know something weird?

  5. Trainer 1

    Yeah. That's literally point of asking "what is up".

  6. Trainer 2

    Some other guy challenged me to have my pet fight his pet.

  7. Trainer 1


  8. Trainer 2

    Yeah, it was weird. He yelled at a mouse to shoot lightning.

  9. Trainer 1

    That's messed up-

  10. Trainer 2

    And it did! And he made me pay him!

  11. Trainer 1

    What did you do?

  12. Trainer 2

    I made a pithy punning comment about him defeating me.

  13. Trainer 1

    Makes sense.

  14. Trainer 2

    And get this; he had badges.

  15. Trainer 1

    Like a boy-scout?

  16. Trainer 2

    Exactly. And he said he had to "catch them all"

Filed Under   conversations

Article 11 Videogame Drinking Games

June 29, 2010

Filed Under   n64   nes   xbox

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #6

June 29, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

I was in Halo Reach and doing well when a younger kid started shouting at me "Stop it you poopy-head!" I replied for the first time on mic in a hurt voice "Do you really think that of me?" I think he was stunned because he muttered an apology and left the game shortly after.-Lynn

A guy on our team playing MW2 was unleashing a fury of swears across the mic, due to his constantly getting spawn killed. He yells "GOD DAMN IT." To which another member of our team says "God doesn't need a dam, he can walk on water."-Alex

We were searching for a MLG Halo game for a few minutes and when we finally got matched up, one of our teammates (not a random guy) said "My horses cut loose. I got to go!". We were really annoyed, thinking that was just some stupid excuse for something. 20 Minutes later he came back and his story really was true: His f*cking horses ran away.-Shady IIV

Once, when playing Halo 3, one of the guys on my team had his mic open while his girlfriend broke up with him. He didn't stop playing. -Thomas 

Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article 6 Videogame Sequels That Are Nothing Like The Original

June 28, 2010

1. Zelda II: The Adventure of Link

Everyone loved The Legend of Zelda's then unique top-down, action-adventure style, which defined the genre for years to come. Naturally, Nintendo wanted the follow-up to be something completely unrecognizable. If internet acronyms existed back in 1987, there would have been a lot of WTFing going on.

How It's Different From The Original: I don't think anyone expected the sequel to The Legend of Zelda to be a side-scroller RPG with magic spells, extra lives and a world map. Not to mention a final boss that is literally your shadow. And just in case people weren't confused enough, it was the only game in the series to proactively avoid name recognition by eliminating "The Legend of Zelda" from its title. Also, the graphics were a lot uglier in a number of instances. Such as the instance of "the whole thing."

Fact: An NPC's first line of dialogue is "I am Error." This is a mistranslation of the Japanese word for "Jerry, don't forget to translate this."

Also: This is THE Adventure of Link? I'm pretty sure he had a bunch of adventures. Like, including the one right before this one and about a dozen after.

2. Super Mario Bros. 2

Okay – you just made the single best-selling game of all-time, launched what would be the most successful console ever, and made an overweight plumber one of the most beloved and recognized characters in the world. You can finally relax a little, right? No need to strain yourself too much with the sequel. Let's just stick Mario in someone else's game! Not like anyone would have bought "Doki Doki Panic" anyhow.

How It's Different From the Original: Suddenly you're not limited to playing as Mario or Luigi – you can play as Princess Peach or Toad as well, and everyone has different abilities and a life meter now. Also, jumping on enemies no longer does anything – you have to chuck beets at them. And Koopas? Long gone. Now you have to fight masked midgets and blowjob dinosaurs. And King Koopa? Psh, as if. Now you have to fight a burping frog. Much better. Oh, and it's all a psychedelic mushroom-induced dream anyway.

What?: Yeah, blowjob dinosaur. Excuse me, drag queen blowjob dinosaur.

Also: The Japanese version of Super Mario Bros. 2 was eventually released in America as The Lost Levels, where you found out everyone was dead. But at least they got to go to Best Friend Heaven in the end.

Article Immoral Kombat

June 28, 2010
  1. Shao Khan


  2. Sub-Zero turns Johnny Cage into a baby.

  3. Shao Khan


  4. Sub-Zero

    All right! Good match, Johnny. Had me on the ropes there for a sec.

  5. Johnny

    (crying) Guh…guhh…..WAAAAAHHHHHHHH…

  6. Sub-Zero

    Oh jeez, I think we have a Poopality over here!

  7. Shao Khan

    Okay, let's see what the next match is…uh, Johnny Cage vs. Scorpion.

  8. Scorpion

    Um. I don't mean to be a spoil-sport, but I don't think I'm comfortable with that…

  9. Shao Khan

    C'mon, Scorpion, you can't cancel right before the match.

  10. Scorpion

    This isn't fair, Mr. Khan. I didn't know I was going to be a fighting a baby.

  11. Shao Khan

    Frankly, I think it's way less fair for the baby than you. Why are you complaining?

  12. Scorpion

    I'm complaining because I don't feel like uppercutting a baby and tearing him limb from limb. Plus, this is a new outfit and I'd hate to get baby poo on it. Nothing gets baby poo out.

Filed Under   mortal kombat   conversations

Article Videogame PostSecret

June 25, 2010

Filed Under   postsecret

Article The Mod Squad: Issue #4

June 25, 2010

Do you have an awesome gaming set-up or system mod? Send a picture to dorklymod at gmail.

Filed Under   the mod squad

Article I Wish They Had Save Points in Real Life

June 24, 2010