Articles

1. Marine

   Alright, here we go!

2. Command Center

   Good luck, marine.

3. Marine

   Yeah! These other marines don't know what they're up against.

4. Command Center

   Ooh…about that…

5. Marine

   What? Do they have Firebats? Vultures? We have some too, so-

6. Command Center

   We're fighting alien monsters.

7. Marine

   What?

8. Command Center

   An evil swarming hive-mind of monsters. They hatch from eggs. A lot of them shoot spikes or acid, or something. I figured someone would have told you.

9. Marine

   Wow, uh, nope. They never mentioned the horrible, horrible monsters. In fact, they barely mentioned me being a marine. I'm an astronaut. That's why I'm in freaking space.

10. Command Center

    Yeah, you should have thought about that before you accepted those 50 minerals, science boy.

11. Marine

    Okay, so space monsters. Wow. I guess we, we can out smart them, right?

12. Command Center

    Well in theory. They tend to just rush and kill things. And there's also a race of alien robot geniuses. We have to fight them too.

13. Marine

    Can't we work with them?

1. Atari headquarters, 1983. A group of bored game designers sit around a table.

2. Carl

   All right, guys, I know it's been a slow day, but let's finish on a high note, okay? We just need to come up with something that kids will find fun. We were all kids once. What did you guys think was fun when you were kids? How about you, Jonathan?

3. Jonathan

   Hmm… I had a paper route for a while. That was pretty good.

4. Carl

   Okay, good. What sort of stuff did you do?

5. Jonathan

   Let's see… I delivered papers. That was important.

6. Dave

   Sure. What else?

7. Jonathan

   Well, I delivered the papers while riding a bike.

8. Russell

   Okay! Bike riding! Now we're getting somewhere!

9. Jonathan

   I don't know. The whole biking around thing wasn't really that fun. I remember having to spend a lot mental energy just avoiding obstacles. Lots of fire hydrants and lawnmowers and bees. Also a lot of breakdancers for some reason.

10. Dave

    Hmm. Maybe we should focus on the act of delivering the papers. You had to throw the papers at the houses, right?

11. Jonathan

    Oh, yeah.

12. Dave

    And throwing stuff's pretty fun, right?

Do you have an awesome gaming set-up or system mod? Send a picture to dorklymod at gmail.

Have a submission for next week's issue? Send pictures to weeklyirl at gmail. Next Issue: Animals Playing Videogames.

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I keep a paused DS next to me to play during load screens on console and PC games. Nerdy, yes, but I bet you just thought, "why didn't I ever think of that?"-Michael

I was checking out stuff on Dorkly when I saw a picture of a gamer wedding cake. The bride was dragging the groom away from a gaming session. My first thought wasn't how cool the cake was. It was, "How the hell is he playing Gears of War on a PS3?"-Dan K.

One of my goals in life is to get published by the Black Library, the people responsible for publishing Warhammer fiction.-Seth

I call my portable hard drive "The Death Star Plans," because they're not in the main computer.-Amber

When I suffered a stroke, I had my brother make one call for me. I had him tell the Dungeon Master that I wasn't likely to make it to D&D that weekend.-Juwl

Final Fantasy games are story-driven with many hours of gameplay, meaning you really get to know the characters. Sometimes that's a good thing. Other times? Not so much. Here's our tribute to the 13 characters that made us want to jump off a Mako Reactor.

1. Yuffie Kisaragi (Final Fantasy VII)

No Final Fantasy party is complete without an annoying, hyperactive teenager. But unlike your other spunky companions, Yuffie isn't content with merely giggling and offering up the occasional idiotic quip: She'd rather steal all of your material, leaving you without magic for an entire section of the game. The worst part? Yuffie's a secret character, so you have to do extra work just to have her screw you over. Sephiroth himself probably did less damage to the party, and he straight up murdered one of the main characters.

2. Gau (Final Fantasy VI)

Inside the Square Offices:-"Mr. Kitase! I created a new character for FFVI. He's a wild boy who adds nothing the game's central plot, speaks like Tarzan with a developmental disability, can't equip weapons, and doesn't have an "attack" command. In fact, his only real option in battle is "Rage," which makes him use the same move over and over again no matter what the player wants him to do."-"You're fired."-"Yeah, I kind of realized that halfway through."