Articles

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Article Resident Obstruction

August 25, 2010
  1. Leon

    Looks like we need to walk down this alleyway…Sh*t, it's blocked. There has to be a way around it.

  2. Claire

    But it's just an abandoned car and some trashcans, I'm sure we can climb over…

  3. Leon

    Dammit Claire! We don't have time! I found this letter that says there is a key hidden in the cemetery that will unlock the red door where we can find parts to the fire hydrant so we can put out the fire blocking city hall.

  4. Claire

    But seriously, this pile is made out of cardboard boxes. I guarantee that I can slip between those stacks.

  5. Leon

    It's too high to climb!

  6. Claire

    It's literally four feet high, and there's a ladder leaning against that wall.

  7. Leon

    Oh. I guess I didn't see that before.

  8. Claire

    You didn't see the twelve-foot ladder right in front of your face, but you were going to search a graveyard, at night, infested with zombies, to find a tiny key?

  9. Leon

    Well I guess when you put it like…

Filed Under   resident evil   conversations

Article How to Play WoW and Maintain a Healthy Relationship

August 24, 2010

Filed Under   girls   world of warcraft

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue 14

August 24, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

We were playing Halo against this really nerdy kid that was talking sh*t and my friend comes out of nowhere and says "I bet you own a lot of ironic t-shirts don't you?" The kid left.-Joshua
When Modern Warfare 2 came out, half of my co-workers got it and we all would always party up until 5 am. Every night things would be going good but after 3 am hit, one of my buds would always just go nuts. His most infamous quote "If this guy kills me again I'm going to quit my job and hang myself".-Keith
It's always rough being a girl who likes to play COD. I was near the end of a match once, and some guy (as usual) asks if there were any girls. I spoke up, and they proceeded to call me a liar, and asked why I sounded, instead, like a twelve year old boy. I had no witty comebacks, other than, "yes I'm really a girl". But the coup de grace was some guy with a heavy southern accent saying "Son, why don't ya just go wank yer willy?" just as the match ended. I'm not sure my friends will ever let me live that one down.-Nicole
A English guy on MW2 destroyed everyone in the game, he was unbelievably amazing and didn't say a word the whole time. The game was full of red necks who began shouting stereotypical English slurs and shouting references to the Revolutionary War. All this shouting was interrupted by a slurping noise that lasted a good 10 seconds followed by "WTF was that!!!" The English guy then replied: "That was a Victory Sip, bitch." -Alex
Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article 7 Videogame Characters And Where They Are Now

August 23, 2010

1. Duke Nukem

When the world decided it didn't need Mr. Nukem's chauvinistic, bullet-spitting ways, it cast him aside like a spent shell casing. Disgruntled and disillusioned, Duke sought an outlet for his machismo-fueled rage. He entered himself in a series of mixed martial arts competitions- but was quickly thrown out of the league due to a liberal use of brass knuckles and lit cigars. After a few years of unemployment he finally landed a job as an umpire for little league t-ball games. He has been known to instigate fights among the childrens' parents- simply so he can throw a few punches. For entertainment he frequents the Detroit area "Chubby's," a topless bar with more "ample" employees.

2. Doctor Eggman

Ever since protests by PETA and allegations of animal cruelty got his doctorate taken away, Dr. Eggman has been attempting to stage a return to the scientific community. Unfortunately, there is no immediate need for devices that "suck up rings" and large, levitating demolition contraptions. These setbacks have forced Eggman to change the direction of his comeback. Using his odd physique, Dr. Eggman is currently developing a line of clothes for pregnant women and obese mad scientists, aptly titled "Bigger-Einstein's".
Filed Under   retro   lists

Article Teleport Waker

August 23, 2010
  1. King of Red Lions

    You beckoned Link? Where shall the winds carry us today?

  2. Link

    Actually, I was meaning to talk to you about that…

  3. King of Red Lions

    Holy Shit! You can talk?!

  4. Link

    Of course I can talk… I'm a boy. You're the possessed boat.

  5. King of Red Lions

    KING boat, thank you very much.

  6. Link

    You're still made of wood.

  7. King of Red Lions

    At least I can jump.

  8. Link

    Touché. Anyway… I was wondering how you always pop up right away when I play my flute.

  9. King of Red Lions

    Oh, I just teleport over.

  10. Link

    TELEPORT!?

Filed Under   zelda   conversations   link

Article 10 Tips on Xbox Live Etiquette

August 20, 2010
Filed Under   xbox live   xbox

Article 5 Pokemon Facebook Updates

August 19, 2010

Filed Under   facebook   pokemon

Article The Weekly IRL: Post-it Art

August 19, 2010

Filed Under   post-it   the weekly irl

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #22

August 19, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

It annoyed me that that Dan guy said "Megaball" instead of "Master Ball," and "MewToo" instead of "Mewtwo" in the last issue.-Everyone. Get over it.

A few years ago I decided to start playing Maplestory again, but my friend had taken my account and changed the password. When I contacted the GM's, they refused to give me my password so I wrote to them, "You won't give me my password. I'm so depressed that I cannot go on living. I'm going to kill myself." Never thought much of it, until three weeks later when the cops and an ambulance showed up at my door asking if I was alive or depressed. -Cory

Some guy in the 7-11 parking lot just yelled at me for looking at his girlfriend's chest. I wasn't. I was so upset that 7-11 was out of WWE Slurpee cups that checking out women was the least of my concerns.-Sean

My GF and I decided it would be good to take a step backwards and move out after living together for a while. After living apart for two and half months, we both decided it would be better if I moved back in. We tell people that we have learned how to appreciate one another by living apart. The real reason is that I don't have a computer that runs WoW, and her back up computer works great. She and I decided that living together would be better for our WoW characters.-Jan

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article The Dorklyst: The 15 Most Famous Secrets and Glitches in Videogame History

August 18, 2010


You can only play through the main story of a game so many times, and with each replay, the experience becomes less and less enjoyable. From warp whistles to programming glitches, game secrets can refresh a stale gaming experience. Here's a tribute to our favorite ways to cheat in videogames.

1. Legend of Zelda, Ocarina of Time: The Biggoron Sword



In Hyrule, the good stuff was hard to get. REALLY hard to get. Even after braving all the temples, Link's Master Sword was only second second fiddle to the Biggoron Sword. To get it, Link had to facilitate the Hyrulian black market between all of the shadiest characters, deal in Odd Mushrooms and Pocket Eggs, wait three days, dodge rolling boulders, and cross the country several times; all for a sword he wasn't even man enough to hold with one hand.

2. Pokemon: Missingno



This was a secret that many attempted, but few carried out to the end. After sailing around on your Lapras for a few hours (in those days, gamers still had attention spans of steel), a jumble of tiny pictures named Missigno would try to fight you. Even better, if you ran away, Missigno rewarded your cowardice by duplicating one of the items in your backpack. If only the mutant fish in the polluted river near my house did the same.

Filed Under   lists   the dorklyst   glitches   secrets