Article The Mod Squad: Issue #7July 23, 2010
Do you have an awesome gaming set-up or system mod? Send a picture to dorklymod at gmail.
Have a submission for next week's issue? Send pictures to weeklyirl at gmail. Next Issue: Animals Playing Videogames.
Article Pwn My Life: Issue #14July 22, 2010
Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.
I keep a paused DS next to me to play during load screens on console and PC games. Nerdy, yes, but I bet you just thought, "why didn't I ever think of that?"-Michael
I was checking out stuff on Dorkly when I saw a picture of a gamer wedding cake. The bride was dragging the groom away from a gaming session. My first thought wasn't how cool the cake was. It was, "How the hell is he playing Gears of War on a PS3?"-Dan K.
One of my goals in life is to get published by the Black Library, the people responsible for publishing Warhammer fiction.-Seth
I call my portable hard drive "The Death Star Plans," because they're not in the main computer.-Amber
When I suffered a stroke, I had my brother make one call for me. I had him tell the Dungeon Master that I wasn't likely to make it to D&D that weekend.-Juwl
Final Fantasy games are story-driven with many hours of gameplay, meaning you really get to know the characters. Sometimes that's a good thing. Other times? Not so much. Here's our tribute to the 13 characters that made us want to jump off a Mako Reactor.
1. Yuffie Kisaragi (Final Fantasy VII)
No Final Fantasy party is complete without an annoying, hyperactive teenager. But unlike your other spunky companions, Yuffie isn't content with merely giggling and offering up the occasional idiotic quip: She'd rather steal all of your material, leaving you without magic for an entire section of the game. The worst part? Yuffie's a secret character, so you have to do extra work just to have her screw you over. Sephiroth himself probably did less damage to the party, and he straight up murdered one of the main characters.
2. Gau (Final Fantasy VI)
Inside the Square Offices:-"Mr. Kitase! I created a new character for FFVI. He's a wild boy who adds nothing the game's central plot, speaks like Tarzan with a developmental disability, can't equip weapons, and doesn't have an "attack" command. In fact, his only real option in battle is "Rage," which makes him use the same move over and over again no matter what the player wants him to do."-"You're fired."-"Yeah, I kind of realized that halfway through."
Article Ash's ArkJuly 21, 2010
Hey you, kid!
Oh man. What are you, some kind of beard-type Pokemon?
No. I'm God. And I need you to build an Ark, and put within it two of every Pokemon.
Because I must flood the Earth for some reason. Maybe to kill all sinners? Yeah. That's it.
But you're God. Why don't you just specifically kill all of the bad people and not drown everyone? Wouldn't that make more sense?
No. That would take forever to figure out. This is way simpler.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to capture ONE of every Pokemon, let alone two? I mean, I don't think there even are two Mewtwo's.
C'mon, kid. How hard could it be?
151 pairs of Pokemon later
Okay it took forever, and I technically had to cut Articuno in half, but I think I caught 'em all.
Oh. Just 151 pairs?
Yes that's all there are.
So .I'm guessing you didn't get my memo
Article Mario Can't Go LeftJuly 20, 2010
Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #9July 20, 2010
Was playing MW2 when I heard a guy in the background of another games mic saying "Dude, hurry the f*ck up! Your wedding's in 30 mins. So about 25 mins later, I was curious and added his gamer tag, he accepted, and I joined his game. Apparently the wedding was delayed due to some weird claim, and he's now on a killing streak, with every kill he says, "with how many kills I make today is how many chicks I'm going to bang a month, since my bitch wife isn't going to game with me. One of the reasons I married her too."-Arv S.
While playing COD 4 there was this really annoying little kid who was really pissing everyone off. He began to talk about how he was going to rape everyone and their mothers. Everyone was trying to get the kid angry but nothing seemed to work. I then asked the kid if he even knew what rape was. The line was then silent for a few moments until the kid then said "SHUT UP I HATE YOU!' and then left the game. -Kris S.
After he found out I'm from South Africa, a British teenager asked mewhether District 9 was real.-Hadlee
During a game of Search and Destroy on MW2 I was cussed out by an angry 12 year old child. This was followed by the kid talking to his mom with his mike still on. "Mom! I don't want crust on my pb&j!"-Chris B.