Article Pwn My Life: Issue #37October 14, 2010
Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.
I just had a sexy dream where I cheated on my girlfriend with another girl I know in real life. The nerdy part is that the other girl and I were Spartans finishing a fight with the Elites in the Countdown map in Halo Reach multiplayer. My girlfriend was the last Elite we had to kill for the win and I even did a slow-mo assassination.-Zach
My girlfriend of two-and-a-half years recently broke up with me. The thing I'm most concerned about is how it's going to affect our D&D campaign. She's a cleric, so if someone has to quit it'll be me, the lowly bard.-Anonymous
At the beginning of every semester, I decide which textbooks to buy by first listing all the good videogames coming out in the next five months and how much they'll cost. This year it was Fallout: New Vegas, Pokemon Black, and The Force Unleashed 2. I'm not going to buy my Psych textbook because I can get all three of those games for less money than the book.-Anonymous
When people over-complicate problems, I tell them "Why are you making the Deku Tree into the Water Temple?"-Anonymous
Accidents happen. Sometimes important accidents happen, like Christopher Colombus discovering America, or the inventor of the popsicle leaving soda out overnight with a stick in it. Videogames are no exception, and sometimes the biggest contributions to games have been entirely unintentional.
Though many of you could not even imagine what life would be like without being able to experience a 1:1 backswing in Wii Sports Resort, golf wasn't supposed to be part of the sequel in the first place. During 2008's E3, Nintendo Superproducer Shigeru Miyamoto talked up how much better Wii golf was going to be in the new game, due to the WiiMotionPlus adapter. The development team had no choice but to put golf in, since he mentioned it in an interview. This was a maneuver that Miyamoto actually referred to as "blocking off the escape route," because that's what happens when you're the Steve Jobs of Japan.
We all live in fear of the frightening sound of Sonic's drowning theme, but it might have never happened. According to an interview with Sonic creator Yuki Naka, the reason that Sonic can't swim in water levels is because he at the time thought hedgehogs couldn't swim. It makes Labyrinth Zone even more disappointing, not just because it was really really hard, but also because it sullies what was once a realistic portrayal of the way hedgehogs curl up in a ball, run really fast, and defeat evil scientists.
Article Bad Dudes FlowchartOctober 13, 2010
Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #21October 12, 2010
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.
(While playing Halo 3)Guy 1: "Halo 3 is alright BUT Halo 2 was THEE game."Guy 2: "But Halo 3 is still good."Guy 1: "But Halo 2 was better."Guy 2: "But Halo 3 is still good."Guy 1: "But Halo 2 was better.."Guy 2: "But Halo 3 is still good."Guy 1: "But Halo 2 was better."(This went on for a good 10 minutes longer, neither of them ever raised their voices.)-Jeff B.
Shortly after the care package glitch (which allowed you to get unlimited care packages by climbing over a barrier) was fixed in MW2, my friends and I came up with a brilliant plan. So our whole team slapped on care packages, sentry guns, and emergency air drops for our kill streaks, went into some hardcore HQ and saved them up until the end of the match. When there was five minutes or so left in the game, we pretended to do the care package glitch, dropping everything at once. Needless to say, we got some little kid to ask how we managed to do that and we told him that we just care package glitched. He proceeded to tell us that they had patched it at which point I responded that all you had to do was lift your Xbox up and give it "one good shake" as you were going over the barrier because it would read from your disc then and not from the patch on your hard drive. He was hesitant at first, but several days later he contacted me to try to figure out how to do it, so I went into a private match, invited him to party chat, and let him kill me four times. As he's going over the barrier, I hear him say "It says the disc is unreadable." By switching my mic off and on for burst of laughter, I was able to make it sound like he was the one who messed up instead of me just getting him to scratch his disc. To this day, he still thinks he just shook his Xbox too hard.-JC
I was playing MW2 and started talking with this dad who was playing with his son. Here's a sample of the gold they were spewing the whole time we played together:Kid: Are you from Texas?Me: No. Texas sucks.Kid: No it doesn't! I'm going to go to college in Texas!Dad: You need to worry about passing the sixth f*cking grade dipsh*t.After the kid died, he cussed at the guy who killed him. The dad replies, "He's just a product of bad parenting. Mostly his mother."-Danton
Article Ash Discovers New PokemonOctober 11, 2010
Professor Oak! Check out the new Pokemon I caught
- Prof. Oak
Excellent news Ash! I'm always excited to update my Pokedex, let me see them.
I think this one might be a normal-type Pokemon.
- Prof. Oak
Uhh Ash, that's a dog.
Cool, a Dog!
- Prof. Oak
No, that's not a Pokemon, it's just a common dog. Looks like a yellow-lab.
I don't understand.
- Prof. Oak
Dogs are animals, they don't have special abilities like Pokemon.
You just haven't seen them yet. Dog! Use speak-attack!
- Prof. Oak
He's just barking.
He knows growl and bite too. Dog! Go!
The dog bites Prof. Oak.
- Prof. Oak
What the hell Ash! Dogs aren't supposed to attack people.