Things look a little different when you're a nerd
Article Nerd-o-Vision: BathroomJune 21, 2010
Things look a little different when you're a nerd
Article The Mod Squad: Issue #3June 18, 2010
Do you have an awesome gaming set-up or system mod? Send a picture to dorklymod at gmail.
Article 5 Awkward Moments From E3 2010June 17, 2010
1. Konami's WTF Press Conference
I've got to give them credit, it takes a lot of guts to give a press conference in anything but your native language. Still, that doesn't make it any easier to watch. Konami Producer Tak Fuji stumbles through an extremely hard to understand intro, only to pass it off to Thomas Nagano and Naoki Maeda for an awkward slam dunk. Worst. Alley-oop. Ever.
2. Controller Issues During Miyamoto's Zelda Demo
I get it, an entire room full of active mobile devices probably isn't the best thing for a wireless gaming demonstration. And in Nintendo's defense, the Wii was mostly responsive during the first half of their "Skyward Sword" demo. But the second half, particularly any moment involving Link's bow and arrow, was tough to sit through. There are few things stranger than watching someone pitch their "revolutionary" product, only to have it fail in front of a huge live audience.
Plot: A rag tag group of Missourans set off on a light-hearted adventure in search of gold in "The Oregon Trail." Along the way they'll encounter all sorts of wacky situations, from a hilarious case of fatal diarrhea to a pratfall-filled river fording attempt, to a squirrel hunting expedition that's sure to tickle your funny bone!
Cast: Adam Sandler as "The Pharmacist", Kevin James as "The Wainwright", Rob Schneider as "The Surveyor", David Spade as "The Saddlemaker"
Inevitable Sequel: Oregon Trail 2: We Thought Of A Few More Diarrhea Jokes
Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #4June 17, 2010
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.
I was playing CoDMW2 and a kid, (I'm assuming about 13-14) announced after a 12 kill streak "I AM THE BRINGER OF DEATH AND DOOM! BOW BEFORE ME. NONE CAN STOP MY MIGHT", closely followed by "Honey, if you don't take out the trash I'm going to take you off your silly game." The reply from the kid was mostly warbled moans, pleads and cries.-Dave
I got rickroll'd over Xbox live.- Hunter K.
"I'm gonna cut your d*ck off and tape it to my d*ck! Then I'll have a super-d*ck!"- Brian D.
My friends and I were playing Call of Duty 4 and one of my friends is notorious for making fun of girls and little kids. This one match there happened to be a very annoying girl playing, and my one friend started picking on her trying to get her worked up. Halfway through the match, a little kid spoke up and told my friend to quit harassing her. Immediately after the kid said this, my friend told the kid that if he didn't shut the F*** up, he was going to spread the kids nut sack around his dick and use the skin to jerk off. The girl that the kid was defending laughed at the kid, who left moments later. - M0RM0NxMURDERER
Article Sims Make The Worst NeighborsJune 16, 2010
Oh hey neighbor. I see you're painting outside at 3 am again. And it's the same picture you've painted three times before.
ROSEBUD. ROSEBUD. ROSEBUD.
Ah ha. Just wondering if you've seen my pool ladders or my wife WHOA. You reek, man.
(sobbing uncontrollably) I NEED TO SHOWER AND/OR WASH MY HANDS!
Yes, you definitely do. You should probably go to bed too. You look exhausted.
(yawns) I AM VERY SLEEPY!
Frank collapses and falls asleep.
Oh come on, this again? Go to your bed, Frank. It's literally four feet away in the house.
Carpool pulls up.
FRANK WE ARE THE CARPOOL AND WE ARE HERE TO TAKE YOU TO YOUR PLACE OF WORK.
Frank! GET UP! Your carpool is here!
(wakes up instantly) TIME TO GO TO WORK.
What It Means: Holing up in a reasonably secure location, waiting for the hapless n00bs to approach, and serving them a nice tasty lead salad.
Why You Hate It: Unless you go all the way around the map, there's only one way to get at the super death ray, and it's right past this path; but that guy on the other team simply insists on gunning down anyone trying to use it. Why the hell hasn't he run out of ammo yet?
Why You Do It Anyway: Because it works, not to put too fine a point on it. Sure, in your heart of hearts you know it's not really fair, but this is war. If you can kill the other guy without him being able to kill you, then the hell with a sporting chance. Your K/D ratio is much more important than his.
Besides, you'll be damned if you're gonna let the other team have the super death ray.
What It Means: Really? Okay, for those of you who go out of your way not to know things, sniping is using a long-range weapon against some poor bastard way over there, and dropping him without him ever being the wiser.
Why You Hate It: Half the fun of playing this game is getting to watch the guy who thought he was a badass crumple at your feet. Face-to-face, when you're the crumpler, you can see the crumplee. When the roles are reversed, at least you know you lost a fair fight to a superior opponent.
Getting sniped changes everything. You don't even know why you're dead there's no one anywhere near you and no grenades went off. It's pretty damn hard to defend yourself against an enemy you can't even see.
Why You Do It Anyway: It's quick, easy, effective, and involves almost no danger for you. Basically you become the hand of God, smiting the lesser beings who dare to challenge your supremacy from a place of complete safety.
Article Pwn My Life: Issue #4June 15, 2010
Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it?Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.
In high school, I got picked on by the guys who brought in BeyBlade tops.-Devin
I had an interview for a promotion at work. My manager told me that the position required patience and the ability to follow through. I told him that wouldn't be a problem, because I've collected all 251 Pokemon in Pokemon Gold. -Chuck
I always play as female characters. If I have to stare at someone's digital ass for 5 hours, it's going to be a female.-Ben
My friend once did the Chidori from Naruto to impress a girl: sound effects, hand signs, and all. She couldn't stop laughing at him. -Damien
I'm 20 years old. I recently spent nearly 36 hours organizing all 4,568 of my Yu-Gi-Oh cards, then made the best deck I could possibly conceive. It was a glorious day. I was filled with confidence. I entered a tournament and was ready to kick ass. My first opponent was an 8-year-old girl. It ended quickly with me screaming "HOW COULD I LOSE TO A CHILD AT A CHILDREN'S CARD GAME?"-Cormel