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Article The Dorklyst: The 15 Greatest Arcade Games of the 90's

November 10, 2010

Before everyone had four consoles in their house and a phone that had more games than phone numbers, the only way to play the newest and coolest videogames was to steal $10 from your mom's fanny pack, hop on your bike, and head to the arcade. We honor the quarters that sacrificed their lives in the last decade of the 20th century with this tribute.

15. Gauntlet Legends

Gauntlet itself was always pretty fun – a hack 'n slash fantasy adventure with wizards and warriors and hordes of bad guys – but the big selling point here was the ability to level up and actually save your characters; giving you the feeling of real accomplishment with each token spent. It was like owning the game, except you were leasing it one quarter at a time. Then again, if you wanted to actually accomplish something, you could have been putting those tokens into that skeeball game to work your way to that glow-in-the-dark yo-yo that was going for a mere 150,000 tickets.

14. NFL Blitz

I don't think anyone would disagree with football having a lot less rules about late hits, excessive celebration, and pretty much doing whatever you want on the field (well, maybe actual players would). For all of us, NFL Blitz was a dream come true – brutally hitting players a good 10 seconds after the play was over, flinging opponents onto the ground, constant fake punts, pass interference that would send most refs into an epileptic frenzy – it had everything. This was what I think everyone expected the XFL to be, and if it had been, maybe it would still be around today (RIP Memphis Maniax).
Filed Under   the dorklyst   arcade games

Article Luigi Has Had Enough

November 10, 2010
  1. Mario

    Hey nerd.

  2. Luigi

    Mario, I am sick of your attitude.

  3. Mario

    Psh. Whatever. I'm a hero, okay? You're a side-kick.

  4. Luigi

    Listen, I conquered a haunted mansion. Why does no one remember that? I saved your life from ghosts.

  5. Mario

    Hey bro, I was too busy exploring the galaxy, right? Am I right?

  6. Luigi

    You can't even hurt Boos man. I've seen you, with fire-flowers, stars, nothing. I eradicated a haunted mansion while you were Super Mario Sunshine-ing.

  7. Mario

    Yeah, well-

  8. Luigi

    Super Mario Sunshine? Come on. That sounds like an off-brand poorly translated detergent.

  9. Mario

    Woah, bro. Slow clap for that.

  10. Luigi

    Okay, seriously man, you're just being a jerk. You always do that,

  11. Mario

    Jealous much, dweeb?

  12. Luigi

    Keep pushing me, Mario. Keep going.

  13. Mario

    What are you gonna do? Oh, and even Wario's had some games, you know. And no one likes Wario.

  14. Luigi

    Hey Mario, where do you think all the Koopa Kids come from?

Filed Under   conversations   mario   luigi

Article 7 Rejected Kong Family Members

November 9, 2010

Hipster Kong:

Digi Kong:

Filed Under   donkey kong

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #25

November 9, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

One thing my friend does to keep from playing with little kids is state as soon as he is in the game and hears high pitched voices, he 'notifies' everyone that he is a sexual offender with emphasis on children and that he is mandated to notify everyone. He's not, but he is a genius, 'cause it works everytime.-Tommy
"Baby, if you get in daddy's way again during his Modern Warfare time, I will squish your tiny head and make you retarded."-Marc
The other day I was playing MW2 and not having a very good round. Some guy comes on the mic and starts yelling at me that I'm bringing the team down and how much better he was (even though his score wasn't much better). Anyway, I figured I'd mess with him so I told him I wasn't doing very well because I was playing on my iPad. The guy proceeded to tell the friends he was with and began asking me how that was possible. Being a computer engineer I made up some fancy jargon to get him to believe I actually was. I never told him I was joking so he may still be looking for a way to do that.-Andy W.
I was watching my brother play some Forza Motorsport 3, when all of a sudden (he has voice chat set to play through his speakers), someone blurts out "HOLY F*CKING SH*T" and their car just moves forward, decelerating, until it hits a wall. He comes back about 2 minutes later, and just blurts out, "MY F*CKING SOFA WAS JUST ON FIRE"-Liam
Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article Cheat Codes I Figured Out All On My Own

November 8, 2010

Filed Under   cheat codes

Article Boss Music: 5 Classics From Final Fantasy VII

November 8, 2010

Boss Music is a weekly column dedicated to classic videogame music. Have a game you want featured? Tell us at the Dorkly Facebook page.

Filed Under   final fantasy   boss music

Article Professor Oak Isn't a Good Professor

November 8, 2010
  1. Professor Oak

    Ah, Red, you're back. Did you study the mating habits of the Wigglytuff?

  2. Red

    Professor, we have to talk.

  3. Professor Oak

    About the Poke'dex-

  4. Red

    What kind of professor are you?

  5. Professor Oak

    Excuse me?

  6. Red

    You know that level five poke'mon are really, really low, right?

  7. Professor Oak


  8. Red

    And three of them is not a lot of Poke'mon for a world famous professor to have. At first I was like, "oh, wow, a Poke'mon!". It turns out there are lots and lots of Poke'mon.

  9. Professor Oak

    Yeah, well-

  10. Red

    What, you never saw a Rattata? They're everywhere. Level eights. Here, I got you twelve.

  11. Professor Oak

    Why, the Poke'dex must have helped-

Filed Under   conversations   pokemon

Article 7 Pages Out of a Sims World History Textbook

November 5, 2010

Filed Under   the sims   history

Article Gamebook: 6 Fallout Status Updates

November 4, 2010

Have a game you want to see in a Gamebook? Let us know at the Dorkly Facebook page!

Filed Under   facebook   fallout   gamebook