Article Pwn Up: Enter the Faketrix

By Andrew Bridgman / June 17, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up:
12 year old me was pretty ignorant about technology (I had never seen the internet at that point). So when I got "Enter the Matrix" on PS2, I thought the hacking feature – the one used to unlock cheats – was real. I had almost no idea what a hacker was and the menu seemed pretty legitimate to me at the time. I simply thought the game gave me the option to go into the game's coding and modify it so that I could bend it to my will. The thing is, I was afraid to try it out for fear of ruining the game forever and making the game a waste of valuable money. One day, I caught my little brother messing around with the feature and I panicked. I ran up to him, screaming for him to stop, and yanked the controller out of his hand. I turned off the system and told him all the way's I'd make him pay if the game was messed up. After discovering that nothing was wrong, I sat him down and explained how serious hacking the game was and why he shouldn't mess with that feature of the game. It wasn't until about 3 years later that I learned how stupid of me it was to believe this.
-Mario

When I was very young (about 5 years old) and living in Argentina, my parents were determined that I learn English. O never really liked the language, so learning was very difficult. But when I was 8, I started eagerly studying English. I told my parents it was because it would help if I ever traveled to the United States.

But in reality it was because I got just gotten an N64 and a copy of Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. I got stuck before entering Hyrule Castle after the 1st dungeon, and I scouted the whole map trying to find the next thing to do.

At the time there were no internet walkthroughs or guides, and nobody here played N64. So I checked every sign in Hyrule and talked to every NPC I could find. Eventually I figured that if I learned English, I would be able to finish the game.

I did learn English and beat the game. I'm now a fluent speaker, all thanks to Link.
-Agustin

My grandma always knew I loved to play videogames, and one day back around 2008 she told me to come over to her house because she bought something for me and my brother. I went over there not really knowing what to expect. When I got there she had a PS2 that she had bought so we could play games when we came over there to visit. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I was well into the next console generation. After that I made a point of digging up my old PS2 games just to give myself a reason to go over and visit her.
-Cole B.

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article The Animal Crossing Villager Is Your Worst Nightmare

By Staff / June 14, 2013

At their Nintendo Direct conference at E3, Nintendo made a few announcements about Mario, Donkey Kong, and a number of other franchises. But none of that matters. The only thing that matters is that the Animal Crossing Villager will be a playable character in the newest Smash Bros. games. But there's something unsettling about his smiling, always content face that never changes, even as he's beating other mascots mercilessly…

All of his letters to his neighbors are written in the blood of his victims.

Article 7 Things From The Game of Thrones Books Even More Haunting Than The Red Wedding

By Andrew Bridgman / June 13, 2013

Daenerys is, like, 14 years old

Things From Game of Thrones Even More Haunting Than The Red Wedding

Daenerys is in a rough spot when Game of Thrones begins – she's the exiled daughter of a brutally-deposed king, her psychotic brother has arranged for her to be married to a nomadic warrior king who's really into horses, and just look at how that name is spelled. She probably has to correct people all the time. But the real messed up thing is that she starts off the books at the age of 14. That's when she's forced into having sex with her new Dothraki husband. So – remember that cool Khal Drogo guy? He's a child rapist. The show gets away with making this all seem not-creepy-as-hell because Emilia Clarke is in her 20's (she would be a great-grandmother by this point in the world of Game of Thrones).

So whenever you get excited to see Daenerys nude in Game of Thrones, remember that Chris Hansen is going to knock on your door at any moment.

Filed Under   game of thrones

Article Pwn Up: A Link to the North Pole

By Andrew Bridgman / June 10, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up:
Back in 2006, I was half asleep in my moms car listening to the radio, when they began a contest to win, at the time, the new Playstation 3. Having heard this, I jumped out of my seat and demanded my mom to call in. Fortunately I was one of the few people who actually made the call. A week later, they dropped it off at a Gamestop, where I was given a choice for any game I wanted. With strict parents, I couldn't choose any game with a gun in it (Resistance, Ratchet & Clank), so I had only one option: Sonic '06.

I did not touch my PS3 again for three years.
-Charlie

I remember buying the Metal Gear Solid HD Collection last year, and playing it all day. Later that day I realized I was out of snacks so I went to the supermarket, and when I arrived a cashier's cellphone started ringing. And his ringtone was the sound of a codec call. So what did I do? Without thinking I reached out my finger to press the select button (to answer the call). It took me about 10 seconds to understand why I couldn't answer it. That is how I found out that playing for 5 hours non-stop is bad for you.
-Gustavo

Saw this while driving home the other day. The license plate was "GNDLFWHT."
-Daniel

Pwn Up:

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Videogame Sprites In the Real World

By Staff / June 7, 2013

Filed Under   irl   internerd   sprites

Article The 8 Types of Sims Players

By Andrew Bridgman / June 7, 2013

There is a clear temptation when you begin playing The Sims to simply make yourself and recreate the world around you. After all, you know yourself, but wouldn't it be great to see how a virtual version of you would react to a world where you're your own god? You can make yourself, your one bedroom apartment, and see how Virtual You compares to Real You. Can Virtual You get a job in politics by babbling in front of a mirror and telling gibberish jokes to random passers-by? Because that didn't work out so well for Real You.

Filed Under   the sims   gamers

Article Pwn Up: I'll Never Forget You, Fisherman Ralph

By Andrew Bridgman / June 3, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Ill Never Forget You, Fisherman Ralph
I remember when Pokemon Gold and Silver came out, I played it to death. One part I remember is that trainers would call you up just to say hi or brag about their Pokemon. One such trainer called me once or twice and I decided he was my friend. His name was Fisherman Ralph. I would call him every time I turned my Gameboy on just to say hi and every time before I saved to say goodbye. I still think about him sometimes I wonder how hes doing.
-Kyle

Yesterday I spent 6 hours getting all of the music from Fallout 3 and New Vegas. Now I know that isn't all that amazing, but you see the normal soundtracks took not even an hour each to find and download. It was finding the complete Adventures of Herbert Daring Dashwood that took the other 4 hours. I was so happy that I cried a little and even went as far as to clear the entirety of my mp3 player so it only has these songs.
-Smiley

One time, I was walking along and saw someone dressed mainly in blue. I immediately looked to the bottom right of my vision to see which color I was before remembering that I was not playing Team Fortress 2.
-Daniel

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article 25 Incredible Pokemon Fusions

By Staff / June 3, 2013

Since anything you can imagine is already something that exists on the internet, there's a website called Pokemon Fusion, which allows you to fuse two Pokemon together into an entirely new Franken-mon. The result is usually something somewhat ridiculous-looking, if only because the pixels don't quite line up as they should. But artists from across the 'net decided to flesh out the combo-mons with full-fledged illustrations. These are some of the best.

Filed Under   pokemon   internerd   pokemon fusion

Article The Dorklyst: The 10 Most Corrupt Cops in Videogame History

By Bob Mackey / May 31, 2013

Real life couldn't have created an enemy more terrifying than your standard police officer; after all, what other civil servant has the state-sanctioned power to murder us, both with military-grade weaponry and egregious parking fines? True, most of your garden variety cops spend their shifts hassling non-violent drug offenders and telling rude teens to stop skateboarding on things, but a small minority employs the power of the badge to abuse their authority with criminal intent. Thankfully, the medium of video games allows us to seek vengeance against those who've fallen over to the icky side of the thin blue line — a more gratifying fate than seeing the traditional crooked cop punishment of extended paid vacation.

(WARNING: Some pretty significant spoilers lie within)

10. Officer Frank Tenpenny (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)

The 10 Most Corrupt Cops in Videogame History

Since 1994's Pulp Fiction, the casting of Samuel L. Jackson in any role serves as a sort of shorthand for the audience, as if to say "this expletive-shouting man may be dangerous and unstable." If he's on the protagonist's side, then victory's in the bag, and the creative vulgarities can fly freely without caution; unfortunately, the first five minutes Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas spell out the fact that Officer Frank Tenpenny is a very, very bad man. His behind-the-scenes string-pulling gives our hero CJ the mass-murderer status demanded by every Grand Theft Auto installment to date, and Tenpenny's own crimes eventually lead to a full-scale riot the aging hardware of the PlayStation 2 did its best to simulate. Close to ten years later, and Grand Theft Auto as a whole has yet to come up with a more enigmatic villain — or at least one voiced by a guy with some clearly defined snake boundaries.

Filed Under   police   the dorklyst   cops

Article Celebrity Pokedex Entries

By Nick Ross / May 24, 2013

Rollover to reveal the celebrity Pokedex doppelganger!


Filed Under   celebrities   pokemon   pokedex