Article Pwn Up: Enter the Faketrix
Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.
-Mario
When I was very young (about 5 years old) and living in Argentina, my parents were determined that I learn English. O never really liked the language, so learning was very difficult. But when I was 8, I started eagerly studying English. I told my parents it was because it would help if I ever traveled to the United States.
But in reality it was because I got just gotten an N64 and a copy of Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. I got stuck before entering Hyrule Castle after the 1st dungeon, and I scouted the whole map trying to find the next thing to do.
At the time there were no internet walkthroughs or guides, and nobody here played N64. So I checked every sign in Hyrule and talked to every NPC I could find. Eventually I figured that if I learned English, I would be able to finish the game.
I did learn English and beat the game. I'm now a fluent speaker, all thanks to Link.
-Agustin
My grandma always knew I loved to play videogames, and one day back around 2008 she told me to come over to her house because she bought something for me and my brother. I went over there not really knowing what to expect. When I got there she had a PS2 that she had bought so we could play games when we came over there to visit. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I was well into the next console generation. After that I made a point of digging up my old PS2 games just to give myself a reason to go over and visit her.
-Cole B.
Article The Animal Crossing Villager Is Your Worst Nightmare
At their Nintendo Direct conference at E3, Nintendo made a few announcements about Mario, Donkey Kong, and a number of other franchises. But none of that matters. The only thing that matters is that the Animal Crossing Villager will be a playable character in the newest Smash Bros. games. But there's something unsettling about his smiling, always content face that never changes, even as he's beating other mascots mercilessly
All of his letters to his neighbors are written in the blood of his victims.
Article 7 Things From The Game of Thrones Books Even More Haunting Than The Red Wedding
Daenerys is, like, 14 years old
Daenerys is in a rough spot when Game of Thrones begins she's the exiled daughter of a brutally-deposed king, her psychotic brother has arranged for her to be married to a nomadic warrior king who's really into horses, and just look at how that name is spelled. She probably has to correct people all the time. But the real messed up thing is that she starts off the books at the age of 14. That's when she's forced into having sex with her new Dothraki husband. So remember that cool Khal Drogo guy? He's a child rapist. The show gets away with making this all seem not-creepy-as-hell because Emilia Clarke is in her 20's (she would be a great-grandmother by this point in the world of Game of Thrones).
So whenever you get excited to see Daenerys nude in Game of Thrones, remember that Chris Hansen is going to knock on your door at any moment.
Article Pwn Up: A Link to the North Pole
Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.
I did not touch my PS3 again for three years.
-Charlie
I remember buying the Metal Gear Solid HD Collection last year, and playing it all day. Later that day I realized I was out of snacks so I went to the supermarket, and when I arrived a cashier's cellphone started ringing. And his ringtone was the sound of a codec call. So what did I do? Without thinking I reached out my finger to press the select button (to answer the call). It took me about 10 seconds to understand why I couldn't answer it. That is how I found out that playing for 5 hours non-stop is bad for you.
-Gustavo
Saw this while driving home the other day. The license plate was "GNDLFWHT."
-Daniel
Article The 8 Types of Sims Players
There is a clear temptation when you begin playing The Sims to simply make yourself and recreate the world around you. After all, you know yourself, but wouldn't it be great to see how a virtual version of you would react to a world where you're your own god? You can make yourself, your one bedroom apartment, and see how Virtual You compares to Real You. Can Virtual You get a job in politics by babbling in front of a mirror and telling gibberish jokes to random passers-by? Because that didn't work out so well for Real You.
Article Pwn Up: I'll Never Forget You, Fisherman Ralph
Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.
-Kyle
Yesterday I spent 6 hours getting all of the music from Fallout 3 and New Vegas. Now I know that isn't all that amazing, but you see the normal soundtracks took not even an hour each to find and download. It was finding the complete Adventures of Herbert Daring Dashwood that took the other 4 hours. I was so happy that I cried a little and even went as far as to clear the entirety of my mp3 player so it only has these songs.
-Smiley
One time, I was walking along and saw someone dressed mainly in blue. I immediately looked to the bottom right of my vision to see which color I was before remembering that I was not playing Team Fortress 2.
-Daniel
Article 25 Incredible Pokemon Fusions
Since anything you can imagine is already something that exists on the internet, there's a website called Pokemon Fusion, which allows you to fuse two Pokemon together into an entirely new Franken-mon. The result is usually something somewhat ridiculous-looking, if only because the pixels don't quite line up as they should. But artists from across the 'net decided to flesh out the combo-mons with full-fledged illustrations. These are some of the best.
Article The Dorklyst: The 10 Most Corrupt Cops in Videogame History
Real life couldn't have created an enemy more terrifying than your standard police officer; after all, what other civil servant has the state-sanctioned power to murder us, both with military-grade weaponry and egregious parking fines? True, most of your garden variety cops spend their shifts hassling non-violent drug offenders and telling rude teens to stop skateboarding on things, but a small minority employs the power of the badge to abuse their authority with criminal intent. Thankfully, the medium of video games allows us to seek vengeance against those who've fallen over to the icky side of the thin blue line a more gratifying fate than seeing the traditional crooked cop punishment of extended paid vacation.
(WARNING: Some pretty significant spoilers lie within)
10. Officer Frank Tenpenny (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)
Since 1994's Pulp Fiction, the casting of Samuel L. Jackson in any role serves as a sort of shorthand for the audience, as if to say "this expletive-shouting man may be dangerous and unstable." If he's on the protagonist's side, then victory's in the bag, and the creative vulgarities can fly freely without caution; unfortunately, the first five minutes Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas spell out the fact that Officer Frank Tenpenny is a very, very bad man. His behind-the-scenes string-pulling gives our hero CJ the mass-murderer status demanded by every Grand Theft Auto installment to date, and Tenpenny's own crimes eventually lead to a full-scale riot the aging hardware of the PlayStation 2 did its best to simulate. Close to ten years later, and Grand Theft Auto as a whole has yet to come up with a more enigmatic villain or at least one voiced by a guy with some clearly defined snake boundaries.











