Sup, internet-bros? 2012 is almost over and everyone's doing their dumbass end of the year lists. But only one list matters: YA BOY, BRODY'S! (that's me) I played all the best bro games this year, and I ranked them from BROest to lowest. And assuming the bro-pocalypse doesn't bro up the planet and send us all to bro-blivion this Friday, remember that these were the chillest games of the year.
10. Halo 4
OF COURSE we gotta start with the sequel to Halo 3, Halo 3: Part 2 (aka Halo 4). Mister Chief is back and he's a bigger badass than ever. Cortana's back too and has a virus or something, just like the one I got when I tried to download that file labeled "cortanas_boobs_REAL.exe" on Internet Explorer. There's hardcore shootin', hardcore explosions, and hardcore PWNING OF NOOBS in Halo Multiplayer (or there would be if everyone would stop being chodes and killing me so fast).
Bros: (like "Pros" but way chiller)
- Cortana is hot as shiz
Bcons: (like "Cons" but also with more chillness)
- What is going on in the story does anyone know??
- No one will drive me when I'm warthog gunnin c'mon idiots
- I would be awesome at multiplayer if everyone would stop being so dumb
Score: 4.5 Fist bumps
A few days ago, the Pokemon Company announced a new Pokemon, very reminiscent of Mewtwo, for the upcoming Pokemon X/Y games.
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They say "Never judge a book by its cover," but they never said we couldn't judge videogames that way. Terrible videogame covers have a lot of explanations: laziness, confusion, the desire to depict an airbrushed photo of Tommy Lasorda that came to the artist during a night terror, etc. But they all share one common factor: they are hilariously awful. Here are 20 of the worst offenders of all-time.
(Note: We are excluding the Mega Man games, since we already covered them extensively.)
Ultimate Duck Hunting
There's always a lot of grumbling whenever a new generation of Pokemon games come out primarily that Nintendo is scraping the bottom of the PokeWell and coming out with ridiculously stupid designs for Pokemon, like ice cream cones and ghost swords. But the truth is that Nintendo has always included incredibly dumb Pokemon designs (with some even dumber names), ever since the very beginning. Here are 8 first generation Pokemon that are dumber than anything that came after.
Pitch: "Hey, you know what's crazy? Computers. What about a computer program Pokemon? Yeah, sure it can exist in the real world, even though it's explicitly made of virtual polygons."
Porygon's an incredibly dumb idea for a Pokemon. It's literally made of programming code, but it somehow interacts with the physical world. In other words, it makes no sense at all and Nintendo just thought it would be neat to have some kind of Pokemon to take advantage of the "computer" fad that was sweeping the world.
How Lazy Is The Name: It's like Polygon, but we replaced the L with an R for some reason. Possibly to sound like an incredibly racist impression of a Japanese person? We can only hope.
When it comes to turning videogame ideas into TV shows, or turning TV ideas into videogames, that weird alchemy only works going in one direction. Television shows adapted from videogames are mostly goofy crap. But these ten television shows got adapted into videogames that are worth playing again and again. They prove that more TV should live on in playable pixelated form (even if it's only in our imaginations).
There's a lot of ways you could go with an Animaniacs videogame adaptation, and I'm still holding out for a Goodfeathers shoot-em-up. With so many options, Konami ended up making two different games based on the show, and got it right the first time with their earlier 1994 version for Sega Genesis. You get to bound through a movie studio lot with Blazing Saddles-like glee, alternating between Yakko (special attack: a paddleball), Wakko (special attack: a mallet), and Dot (special attack: blowing kisses), with a battle at the end against Pinky and the Brain. All in all, this game's as fun as a Wheel of Morality segment with Sonic-esque playability.