Articles

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Article Pwn Up: Our Moment of Triumph

By Andrew Bridgman / January 13, 2014

This week on Pwn Up, we look at your greatest nerdy victories. If you have a moment so nerdy that you need to tell the Internet about it, we want you to send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail 

 

  Pwn Up: Our Moment of Triumph

 

When my brother was twelve, I was seven. For my seventh b-day, my uncle gave me a PS2 and a copy of FFX.

As in all the families, my brother played and I watched. He beat the game several times - but he never did three things: Complete a Blitzball League, beat any of the dark eons, and pass 9999 of damage, which he accomplished only with Auron. 

This year I was in England for two and a half months with some of my parents' friends. 
Their son had a PS2 with a FFX. I resisted only 2 days - then I passed literally 4 days gathering the astral weapons and the emblems. 
Then, dead Zanarkand, something between 2 am and 8 pm of July,18. 
Auron, Tidus and Yuna.
Yuna>Summon Yojimbo
Yojimbo>Give him 1 gil because cannon-meat for Dark Bahamut's turbo
>Zanmato
 
Immediately dialed my brother's number. 
"Marco, how are you doing?"
"I killed that asshole."
"Who?"
"Dark Bahamut."
We both cried and laughed until my host family made me hang up
 
-Marco

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article The 20 Best Dorkly Articles of 2013 (#10 - #1)

By Staff / December 26, 2013

  The 20 Best Dorkly Articles of 2013 10 1

 

10. The 8 Types of Sims Players

There is a clear temptation when you begin playing The Sims to simply make yourself and recreate the world around you. After all, you know yourself, but wouldn't it be great to see how a virtual version of you would react to a world where you're your own god? You can make yourself, your one bedroom apartment, and see how Virtual You compares to Real You. Can Virtual You get a job in politics by babbling in front of a mirror and telling gibberish jokes to random passers-by? Because that didn't work out so well for Real You.

Filed Under   best of 2013

Article Pwn Up: The Pwnening

By Andrew Bridgman / September 16, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

 

Pwn Up: The Pwnening I play a LOT of Borderlands 2. So much to the point that, whenever I have a lot of things to do, I list them out on a piece of paper as mission objectives. The most important ones (school work, chores, doing stuff at my job) are Story missions and the stuff I can do eventually (writing, calling old friends, watching a TV show/movie) are Optional missions. I even came up with a way to give myself EXP. for doing them. I'm currently at level 25.
-Jeff 

I'm a budget gamer, so it wasn't until fairly recently that I got to play Fallout 3. About 20 hours in, I found the follower Charon.  He stayed with me and saved my ass numerous times for the next 30 or so hours of the game.  Then I got to the Citadel and met Star Paladin Cross. I wanted her as a follower, so when I broke the news to Charon, I left my old follower some good armor (Talon Combat Armor and Power Armor), a couple different rifles (my preferred weapon style  in the game), most of my shotgun shells (since that's what he likes to use) and a couple thousand caps. The same thing happened when I was close to finishing the main story and found Fawkes.  As I told Cross she can stop being my follower, I gave her a bunch of weapons, armor, and caps as thanks for her assistance. I think of it as severence pay.
-Shaun

Earlier this year I had ran out of games to play so I started free roaming on Just Cause 2, I'd mainly just fly helicopters about. Around the same time my dad had gotten us a remote control helicopter. When I was using it one night a text came in on my phone. I had played so much Just Cause on my Xbox that I pressed the non existent start button on the rc helicopters controller to try and pause it. As I put the controller down it flew up, hit the ceiling, bounced down and cut my ear. I stopped playing Xbox for awhile afterwards. 
-James

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: Say My Name

By Jake Young / February 24, 2014

Like the pine trees lining the winding road, you've got a name. You've got a name. This week on Pwn Up, we wanted you to share the stories behind your gamertags, RPG characters, and any other psuedonym used for nerdy adventuring. If you have a moment so nerdy that you need to tell the Internet about it, we want you to send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

 

Pwn Up: Say My Name

 I always, in literally every game I play, name my character "Rook". I started doing this because my brother, sister, and I would always watch 3 Ninjas and then run around the house pretending to be the main characters. When I saw this week's topic I decided to re-watch this important piece of my childhood and I came to a bleak realization. Years of my identity was based on a VERY mediocre 1992 movie, and there was no character named "Rook". There was somenone named Rocky, and my siblings never corrected me once. If only Colt or Tum-tum were here to help me cope.

 

-John

Filed Under   pwn my life   xbox live   pwn up   gamertag   screenname   psn

Article The Internet vs. FALCON PUNCH!

By Staff / March 3, 2014

 

FALCON PUNCH

via Imgur / Youtube

 

 

FALCON PUNCH

via Imgur

Filed Under   smash bros   falcon punch   captain falcon

Article 4 Reasons It Sucks To Be An Ewok

By Andrew Bridgman and Jake Young / March 27, 2014

4 Reasons It Sucks To Be An Ewok

 

1. Your God Abandoned You

  4 Reasons It Sucks To Be An Ewok

Wow, that must have been pretty incredible to MEET a god - well, C3PO isn't an actual god (more of an effeminate robot butler), but the Ewoks THOUGHT he was a god. Some kind of benevolent savior that had been delivered to them for reasons unknown. However, after Return of the Jedi, odds are C3PO went with his buddies and left Endor - and the Ewoks.

That's right - their god abandoned them, never to return. That has to sting - the ultimate rejection - a being that you pray to and honor as the highest of being, just picking up and leaving when you need Him the most. After all, C3PO just convinced them to join the Rebel cause and battle the Empire, which led to countless Ewok deaths.

Speaking of...

Filed Under   Sad   star wars   ewok   ewoks

Article 4 Other Things Penny Arcade Should Apologize For

By Andrew Bridgman / January 2, 2014

 4 Other Things Penny Arcade Should Apologize For You may have heard that Mike Krahulik (the artist behind the internet's eldest webcomic Penny Arcade and the IRL version of character Gabe) has had a year of offending people over numerous topics - recognition of transgendersthe appropriateness of rape joke merchandise, and other crummy behavior. Yesterday, he put out a blanket apology for his behavior, along with some insight into why he behaves the way he does sometimes, a promise to be better in the future, and an announcement that he plans on removing himself from PAX gradually.

And while this is a positive step in the right direction (we'll see how it actually shakes out), here are 4 more things Penny Arcade should apologize for.

 

1. Mike Krahulik Proposed To His Girlfriend Via Videogame Webcomic

A VERY Special Penny Arcade!

In February of 1997, Mike Krahulik (aka Gabe) proposed to his girlfriend via webcomic. While the words are very sweet and heartfelt and it seems like they have a lovely marriage and life together 14 years later - he proposed to her with a freaking jpeg. A TINY JPEG. WITH COMIC SANS FONT. It's hard to imagine any person on this Earth's dream is to be proposed via a webcomic posting featuring your webcomic alter-ego. Shouldn't he himself (Mike) have been proposing instead of the character Gabe? Pretty much the most romantic thing you should ever do with a webcomic is....Hm. Okay. I just spent 15 minutes thinking and came up blank. Lesson of the day: don't ever try to do a romantic gesture with a webcomic.

 

Filed Under   penny-arcade

Article 8 Things You Didn't Know About Stan Lee

By Staff / March 30, 2014

1. He Is the Single Highest-Grossing Filmmaker In History

  12 Things You Didnt Know About Stan Lee

Since Stan Lee gets an Executive Producer credit on pretty much every Marvel film ever (including ones for characters he didn't create, like Captain America) and Marvel films have made A LOT of money (The Avengers alone is the 3rd highest grossing film ever), Stan Lee movies have made over 11 billion dollars. Take THAT, James Cameron.

 

2. He Made His Comic Book Debut As a Text Filler

  12 Things You Didnt Know About Stan Lee

The comic was 'Captain America Foils the Traitor's Revenge' in Captain America Comics #3 (May 1941). On top of it being Stan's debut, it was ALSO the debut of Cap's signature move - throwing his shield like a frisbee that would bounce back. This was the first time he used the name Stan Lee (his birth name was Stan Lieber).

Filed Under   stan lee   fan art expo   c2e2   c2e2 weekends

Article The Year of Benedict Cumberbatch: A Quiz

By Andrew Bridgman / January 16, 2014

 The past year has been a busy one for Benedict Cumberbatch - he's had a huge number of movie and TV roles, to the point where it feels as though this past year was nothing but Cumberbatch. But do you remember all of his memorable roles? Take the quiz below to test your Cumber-Knowledge!

Rollover for answers!

 

The Year of Benedict Cumberbatch: A Quiz

 

 

The Year of Benedict Cumberbatch: A Quiz

 

Filed Under   rollover   benedict cumberbatch

Article How To Deal With Every Kind of April Fool's Day Prank

By Andrew Bridgman / April 1, 2014

Entertainment News Site Has a Major Scoop

Batman vs. Superman is actually gonna star Christian Bale as Batman now? Steven Spielberg is taking over the new Star Wars movies and they're going to crossover with the Harry Potter universe? Wow - very subtle with the PRANKS, MOVIE NEWS INTERNET SITES!

How To Deal With Every Kind of April Fools Day Prank

What To Do: Write "NUH-UH - NOT BUYING IT!" in the comments. Add "YOU JUST GOT APRIL SCHOOL'D!!" if you feel your comment warrants it.

 

Friend or Relative Alerts You of a Major Life Event Via Text

Your cousin is getting married? Your best friend just found out she was pregnant? Your dad was hit head-on by a semi-truck and is in the ICU of the local hospital, where your mom is sitting in the waiting room, catatonic from shock and a grief so deep it is completely unknowable?

Could these people BE any more obvious with their pranks? (classic Chandler reference)

How To Deal With Every Kind of April Fools Day Prank

What To Do: Text back "PSSSSSSSSH - APRIL TOOLS DAY IS MORE LIKE IT!" Because they're all a bunch of piss-poor prankin' tools, that is.

Filed Under   pranks   april fools