Articles

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Article Twas the Night Before Steam Sale

By Andrew Bridgman / December 18, 2013
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Filed Under   christmas   holidays   winter   steam sale

Article Pwn Up: Street Fighting Man

By Jake Young / November 11, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Street Fighting Man

illustration by Michael Mayne

I've been in the pro wrestling business for a little over a year now, getting my feet wet in one of the most prominent territories in North America, Ohio Valley Wrestling, or, OVW. When the time finally came to pick an entrance theme to charge into battle to, I could think of nothing better than my go-to workout remix of Guile's Street Fighter theme. Anyone who recognizes the jam usually pops (cheers) big time, as it's certainly a dorky choice for an entrance theme. 

-Joe

One afternoon when I was a little kid, I was being a tough guy out in the backyard. I was showing off for my sister and doing all my awesome martial arts moves. After awhile I tried doing a cool kick I used all the time as Bruce in Tekken. I took a running start and shouted BAZOOKA FOOT as I thrust my leg out in front of me, just like in the game. That move doesn't work in real life, I slipped and busted my ass pretty hard. My sister laughed. I just cried.

 (And yes I am nerdy enough to remember the move is actually called Foot Bazooka, and he doesn't shout it as he does the move.)

-Craig.

 

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Don Mattrick's Internal Memo To Zynga Employees

By Andrew Bridgman / July 1, 2013

It was just announced that Microsoft's Interactive Entertainment Business President, Don Mattrick, is leaving Microsoft (and his role as the face of Xbox) for the CEO position at Zynga, a major social gaming company behind such games as FarmVille. This is the internal memo sent to Zynga employees by their new CEO.

Filed Under   xbox   microsoft   zynga   don mattrick   memos

Article Rapping Shop Owners, Item Rentals, and Destroying Evil: Our Review of the New Zelda Game

By Andrew Bridgman / November 15, 2013

Review: The Legend of Zelda A Link Between Worlds

 

What You Need To Know About The Legend of Zelda - A Link Between Worlds:

  • The map is a near identical recreation of the Hyrule from A Link to the Past, for better or worse. It's fun to come back to a familiar world with new twists added to it, but at the same time there's less sense of discovery.

  • You get to rent and purchase pretty much all the big items you would normally get through the course of a normal Zelda game (hookshot, bow & arrow, etc.) at the beginning of the game AND IT IS AMAZING.

  • Instead of having a magic meter and item collecting (set number of bombs, arrows, etc.), you have one single general meter for magic and items that automatically refills AND IT IS AMAZING.

  • A mother and father who seem very worried about the whereabouts of their young child don't seem to be too concerned when you tell them that their child is a magic sage who is now in a dimension separate from our own to help destroy an ancient evil, which is weird.

  • There's a rapping shop owner.

  • REPEAT: THERE'S A RAPPING SHOP OWNER.

Filed Under   zelda   rap   reviews   dorkly review   link between worlds

Article Pwn Up: Legen - (Wait For Seven Years) - Dary!

By Andrew Bridgman / December 2, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

 

Pwn Up:

When we were young with a friend we used to play "The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time" we knew we had to travel in time because we had seen Adult Link's footage, but we didn't know how to do it.

So, since we had already acquired Sun's Song (the one that makes you go forward half a day) we thought that we had to play it 5110 times (seven years). After a couple hours playing the same song over and over we stopped.
 
-Hendrys
 
 
Pwn Up:
 

When I was about 15 or 16 my parents went out of town and left my brother and me at home alone. We didn't throw a party or anything but decided to smoke weed. At this point I had only smoked twice and didn't get too high. However, this time I got absolutely blazed. My brother sat down and blasted a new rap cd while I played Mortal Kombat Deadly Alliance. I played for what seemed like an hour, completely dominating the cp opponents. I only realized when I turned the Xbox off that the first player controller was never even plugged in (but the second port controller was). I think I was watching the demo video the whole time but I'm still not really sure.

-Tim

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

By Jake Young / February 3, 2014

This week on Pwn Up, we asked to hear about the "WTF Moments" that still leave you shaking your head. If you have a moment so nerdy that you need to tell the Internet about it, we want you to send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail 

 
In university I took a principles of law class which I really enjoyed. I put a lot of effort in studying for the endterm but I got an average grade. My professor offered me a lifeline in the form of a single oral exam that would boost my whole GPA if I did well enough. I had never taken an oral exam before in my life so I had no idea what to expect. I was extremely nervous. 
 
As she started asking me questions I was beginning to struggle and I could tell it wasn't going well. I wasn't going to get the high grade. Then she told me she had a young son who collected pokemon cards and he had recently been tricked because a kid traded a common card for one of his holo-rares. She asked me, "As a lawyer, how would you solve this dispute?"
 
 
Pwn Up: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
 
 
I was shocked, of all the things she could have asked about, Pokemon cards were my favorite things in the world at the time (and I still play today). I had encountered this situation myself where I traded my Geodude for a holo Machamp back in elementary school, tricking another kid, and had to subsequently return it after I was told off by the teacher and parents. Not to mention that I had witnessed many other situations like this. I began elaborating in extreme detail about all the possible options of going about the problem, both in the schoolyard among us kids, and with adults involved.
 
She was very impressed, and gave me a solid 8/10 for my oral exam.
That was definitely the strangest experience from my university days, the time Pokemon got me the best grade in the class that semester.
 
-Dim

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: A Link to the North Pole

By Andrew Bridgman / June 10, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up:

Back in 2006, I was half asleep in my moms car listening to the radio, when they began a contest to win, at the time, the new Playstation 3. Having heard this, I jumped out of my seat and demanded my mom to call in. Fortunately I was one of the few people who actually made the call. A week later, they dropped it off at a Gamestop, where I was given a choice for any game I wanted. With strict parents, I couldn't choose any game with a gun in it (Resistance, Ratchet & Clank), so I had only one option: Sonic '06.

I did not touch my PS3 again for three years.

-Charlie

I remember buying the Metal Gear Solid HD Collection last year, and playing it all day. Later that day I realized I was out of snacks so I went to the supermarket, and when I arrived a cashier's cellphone started ringing. And his ringtone was the sound of a codec call. So what did I do? Without thinking I reached out my finger to press the select button (to answer the call). It took me about 10 seconds to understand why I couldn't answer it. That is how I found out that playing for 5 hours non-stop is bad for you.

-Gustavo

Saw this while driving home the other day. The license plate was "GNDLFWHT."

-Daniel

Pwn Up:

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: Vidjagames University

By Jake Young / October 28, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Vidjagames University  

 

When I was in my late teens I started looking for a college to attend. At one particular college, I got to preview it overnight - which just so happened to be around when Halo 2 came out. Throughout the day we were supposed to go see what classes were like, tour the campus, and sit through seminars. Instead, I played Halo 2 in an abandoned classroom with some students and ditched the program. I ended up going to that school after all. I like to think it was Halo 2's doing.

-Loren

 

I'm an assistant teacher (or at least I think that's a similar term for what I do) at the University of Buenos Aires, here in Argentina.

Since I have to write up the practical exams, I usually try to include some gaming references in them. For example, in this semester's exam, the test was about a company named "Abstergo", whose founder was "Augusto Desmond" and they have to choose between a system called "Renaissance" offered by a company by the name of "Ezio" and a system called "Eagle", offered by "Altair".

 Even though the references are pretty obvious, I've received no comments from the students so far. How disappointing. Students should play more videogames.

 -Gustavo

 

Filed Under   college   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: Monsters in my Pocket

By Jake Young / November 4, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

   Pwn Up: Monsters in my Pocket  

 When I turned 12 I wanted a dog really badly but my family didn't have much money so for my birthday I got the next best thing: a Tamagotchi. I wasn't so thrilled at first, but after a couple of poop cleaning cycles I started to grow attached to it. I even asked my parents to come back early from our holidays because I had forgotten Dick (yes, that was the name of my egg shaped, monochrome pixel-made friend) in one of my drawers. 

After that episode I took him everywhere with me, obsessively checking his status every 5 minutes to check he was okay. I even went as far as to take him to school with me every morning, even though it wasn't allowed. I kept him hidden and was able to bypass my teachers' attention for a good couple of months, until...

One afternoon, after school, I was waiting for the bus with a friend when suddenly 3 kids about our age jumped us out of nowhere. They had blades and we had no experience fighting so we didn't put up any resistance. I gave them my bag while firmly holding Dick hidden in my pocket.

They seemed appeased by the contents of my bag, all except for one kid who kept looking at me with curiosity. He eventually told his friends I had something hidden in my pocket and forced me to show it to them. I resisted and took one hell of a beating before they snatched Dick out of my clenched fist. They looked at him, didn't know what it was, laughed and threw him to the street. I watched in shock how a pickup truck turned my friend into dust.

My friend helped me get up, but I wouldn't have it. I walked back home alone, bruised and dirty, crying the whole time. I felt responsible, as if I had betrayed and lost a friend.

When I finally got a dog the next year, I took care of him like he was the most important living thing in this world. To this day we remain best friends, even in his final years. His name is Dick.

 

-Gabriel

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: Family Games Night

By Jake Young / January 27, 2014

If you have a moment so nerdy that you need to tell the Internet about it, we want you to send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail

 

Pwn Up: Family Games Night

 

 

A couple of weeks before Mass Effect 3 was released here in the UK, I decided to play through the entire Mass Effect and Mass Effect 2 in preparation. It came to the day before ME3 release and all I had to do was the Collector's Base at the end of ME2. I must have only spent an hour or so on it, but I got really engrossed in it. When I finally finished it and the credits were rolling, I looked at my phone and saw 13 missed calls from my brother.

It turns out his wife had gone into labour and he had been calling me, so that I could drive them to the hospital, as per our agreement a week or so before. In the end, he'd given up and called a taxi. I felt so bad that I paid them for the taxi fair, and also took them out to dinner once they were comfortable enough to leave the baby at my parent's for an evening.

 

At the dinner, when we were finally alone together for the first time since the incident, he asked what I'd been doing that had gotten me so engrossed that I missed all 13 calls. So I loaned him Mass Effect and he's now as addicted as me...I don't think my sister-in-law is very happy with me at the moment. But oh well. Brotherly bonding FTW.

 

-Matt

Filed Under   pwn my life   gamers   family   pwn up