Articles

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Article Police Reports From 'Twitch Plays Pokemon'

By Ryan Creamer / March 4, 2014
Police Reports From Twitch Plays Pokemon

Filed Under   police   pokemon   twitch plays pokemon

Article Theory Corner: Who is "The Winter Soldier?"

By Andrew Bridgman / March 19, 2014

Theory Corner: Who is The Winter Soldier

With the upcoming release of Captain American: The Winter Soldier, rumors have been swirling about who is the titular seasonal soldier. He wears a mask, and his (or her!) identity has been a closely guarded secret that will no doubt have huge implications on the plot. We've done a little bit of research and have come up with a number of candidates for who could be The Winter Soldier.

It's important to note that literally no one on the internet has any idea who or what the Winter Soldier truly is, so odds are one of these theories are right.

 

1. Captain American (Split-Personality)

Theory Corner: Who is The Winter Soldier

Here's what we know about Captain American: he's a soldier (check!) and he was frozen for 70 years (aka WINTER!). And wouldn't that just be the ULTIMATE twist? Captain American simply couldn't cope with the culture shock of waking up in the modern world and his personality split in two - good guy Captain American and bad guy The Winter Soldier. How his hair got so long and how he manages to battle himself (as seen in the trailers) is a mystery. Maybe it's like Fight Club and it's revealed later on that he's just punching himself and looking like a goofy idiot.

Article Pwn Up: Animal Crunking

By Andrew Bridgman / May 13, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Future
Last night I drank a few too many beers with my neighbors. I didn't remember going to bed, but when I woke up, Animal Crossing: City Folk was playing on my TV. Apparently I'm an excellent fisherman when I'm drunk, as my entire inventory was full of Sea Basses. I'm just glad none of my neighbors moved out.-Justin

When I was 9, my mom took my brother and I down to the local bowling alley to play a few games. Once we got there, I noticed that they had a booster box of the original set of Pokemon cards sitting right behind the bar. To my surprise, there were only two packs left. I begged my mom to buy them for me. She finally did, and I was so happy that I might be able to own one of my favorite Pokemon at that time, Pikachu.

I opened my two packs, and was upset at the fact that there was not a single Pikachu card in there. However, I did open up a holographic first edition Charizard and Blastoise. I did not really care for those – so, just like most of my cards, I just put them away in my desk drawer and forgot about them.

Recently I got looking into them on eBay to see how much they were worth. I saw the price of Charizard, and I was astounded! The highest price I saw it going for was $700. I hated Charizard with a passion. And, when I was younger, I used that card specifically in the spokes of my bike.

I regret to this day that my quest for a Pikachu made me waste away a potential gold mine.-Phillip

Once I had a worksheet in Spanish class that had a crossword puzzle on it. One of the clues was "____ Vegas". Without even thinking about it, I put "New." It was later on when other words didn't work that I realized that the answer was "Las". Moral of this story – too much Fallout: New Vegas can mess with your mind.-Nathan

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: Is That a 3DS In Your Pants?

By Andrew Bridgman / May 6, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: The Pwn - Image 2
Yesterday I had to dress nicely for a photoshoot my school was doing to send out to various camps I will be working at this summer. As any other normal day, I carried my 3DS in my pocket unaware of it's pronounced outline in my dress pants. I just got the photos back and in every photo you can see a large rectangle on the front of my pants.-Jeffrey

My wife just gave birth to our first child. We've certainly had some nerdy moments throughout this.

  1. Our music playlist. At the facility, we were allowed to bring in our own music players with playlists to help the mothers relax and get through labor. Of the small playlist we selected, some of the tunes were mixes from Final Fantasy, Chrono Trigger, and Kingdom Hearts.
  2. We had a doula, a woman that acts as an assistant during the pregnancy and birth. Towards the end of the labor, my wife does the expected "Please, make this stop" and "I can't do this anymore" and my job was to keep encouraging her. "This will be a triumph…" I said. The doula chimes in, "Yes, it will!" I say, "We're going to make a note here, this will be a huge success." Again, the doula agrees, oblivious that I was working my way through Still Alive. My wife was looking at me the whole time, going "Smartass…"
  3. Being the mother, she had priority in choosing the first name, Stephan, a tribute to her late sister, Stephanie. I got to choose the middle name. I wanted to go with Sabin, from Final Fantasy 6, but we're in Louisiana, and everybody would think we were honoring LSU's head coach Sabine. Almost went with Balthier, but I wasn't that attached to FFXII. So we welcomed Stephan Auron Hand into the world.
-Bob

Around the beginning of March, I found myself bored with the lack of interesting games being released. I decided that I'd make it my goal to beat every Final Fantasy made for the traditional consoles (SNES, PS1, PS2, etc.) I was so excited about this idea that I told my friend, who is a Final Fantasy fanatic, about it. Not only did he think it was a great idea, but he also decided take on the exact same task I set for myself. He now has his own personal gaming closet in my apartment. He comes over every other day, even if I'm not home; opens the closet and starts playing away. We now spend our nights lounging in chairs and playing Final Fantasy on two screens, and in no way is that depressing.-Adam

Pwn Up: The Pwn - Image 1
Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article 10 Nerdy Gingerbread Creations

By Chloe Cole / January 2, 2014

Optimus Prime

Nerdiest Gingerbread Creations

Already 100 times better than anything Michael Bay did with Transformers.

Filed Under   gingerbread

Article Theory Time: How Did Sherlock Survive His Fall?

By Andrew Bridgman / December 3, 2013

Theory Time: How Did Sherlock Survive His Fall

In the 2nd season finale of the BBC's hit drama Sherlock, the title character seemingly plummeted to his death as his partner Watson looked on helplessly. The major cliffhanger that ended the episode, however, revealed that Sherlock somehow survived his apparent death - and unscathed, no less. But how did the world's greatest detective fake his own demise? Here are some theories...

Filed Under   TV   theories   sherlock

Article Pwn Up: Lose Yourself

By Jake Young / January 20, 2014

After last week's edition (the Pulitzer award winning "Pwn Up: Our Moment of Triumph") we asked our readers to share stories about moments when victory evaded their grasp. You guys did not disappoint with your disappointments and we're going to share some of the best ones. If you have a moment so nerdy that you need to tell the Internet about it, we want you to send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail

 

Pwn Up: Lose Yourself

 

This summer me and my sister were staying at my cousin's for the night since we both had a lot of free time on our hands. Me and my cousin ended up playing endless hours of Pokemon Emerald and ranting about it the whole day while my bored sibling just watched us since she wasn't into Pokemon.

Sometime after midnight we turned my cousin's room into a battle arena while role playing as our favorite Pocket Monsters; I was Pikachu and she was Lillipup. So basically imagine the two of us screaming random Pokemon moves accompanying it with singing the battle theme song in our pajamas ,running around the room like maniacs. The worst part was we were both pant-less. We had a blast goofing around with each other performing every single move available, but the horrifying truth was that we were completely unaware my sister was sitting in a corner and filming the entire process.

Months passed and we forgot about that until a few weeks ago my sibling did the most embarrassing thing to me after an argument we had; I witnessed her show the video (which my soul was completely unaware of) to the entire household because she wanted to get back to me! I ran to my room feeling heavily defeated when I heard the family blast in a laugh while she showed it to my parents . Now I also know if I ever dare make her too angry or do something similar again, she'll put the video on the internet.

https://mail.google.com/mail/u/2/images/cleardot.gif-Gisoo

Filed Under   pwn my life   pokemon   pwn up   chao

Article The 10 Best Videogame Masks

By Andrew Bridgman / April 7, 2014

The 10 Best Videogame Masks

In the world of videogames, it doesn't need to be Halloween to put on a mask and go take candy from strangers (or whatever personal belongs you can find in the treasure chests they have lying around). Videogame masks come in all shapes and sizes and can do all sorts of things - from hiding someone's identity to LITERALLY BRINGING ABOUT THE END OF THE WORLD. Also, sometimes they can make doors kill you.

Anyways, these are our top 10 masks in videogame history...

 

10. Handsome Jack's Mask (Borderlands 2)

The 10 Best Videogame Masks

Handsome Jack's mask is a pretty weird one - because, well, it's pretty much just his face. Or, rather, how his face is SUPPOSED to look, if not for the deformed Vault-style branded his actual face got. The mask says pretty much everything about the character of Handsome Jack - how self-obsessed he is, how vain he is, and how OUT OF HIS MIND he is. And since Handsome Jack is one of the best things about an already-great game, we gotta give the mask some credit.

 

9. Psycho Mantis Gas Mask (Metal Gear Solid)

The 10 Best Videogame Masks

Psycho Mantis - which, REMINDER, is just a cool-as-hell name - has a mask that serves basically no purpose (other than to hide the scars from when he burned down his childhood village). Mantis' reasoning for the mask is to block out the thoughts of others from his mind, since he's read enough minds to be generally repulsed by humanity in general. There's no real reason it has to be a gas mask - other than it looks really cool for this floating guy in a gas mask magically intuit what other Playstation games you've been playing. 

Filed Under   masks

Article Pwn Up: Grand Theft Spouse

By Andrew Bridgman / September 30, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

 

Pwn Up: Downtown HotBlooded Pwnio One time while playing Skyrim, I had no important quests to do, so I used the console commands to make my wife Ysolda a follower and took her out on a date night.  We went down to the Winking Skeever for dinner, where we talked about (what else) khajit and sleeping tree sap, how her store was doing, and how our daughter liked living in Solitude.  We danced to some of Lisette's songs and drank the night away.  Then we took a long midnight walk down by the water, and finally headed home for some Lover's Comfort.  Since then, every time I find a scenic spot during a quest, I remember to bring Ysolda there for a date afterwards, where we'll go for a quiet walk or just take in the scenery.

-Steve

 

I just bought a house with my wife and a few days later GTA V came out, I was so excited I went and picked it up on my way to work at 3AM. Once I got home to play it I couldn't put it down. My wife had planned a day for us to go move our remaining items at our old house and she left early so I could clean up our yard. Once I was done rather than leaving to go help at the old house (like I had planned and was told to do) I played GTA V.... for 3.5 hours. My wife wont talk to me right now.

-Phillip

 

I was at my girlfriend's parent's house for Thanksgiving, and I was set up to room with her younger brother. Late one night, I was up late playing The Force Unleashed, when I realize he's talking on the phone. He's been calling up people all night but it's pretty obvious this is a girl he's into. Out of politeness I pretend not to notice and keep playing. As he begins to engage in some kind of phone sex, I try turning up the volume but I don't want to wake up everyone with the sounds of explosions. As I get tired and sore from furiously ragdolling thousands of stormtroopers, I don't dare stop because then I'd have to face the reality of what's taking place under the blanket behind me. As the night drew on I realized how short the game actually was. I eventually overheard him saying into the phone that "there's so much of it" and when the game finally ended and I replayed the ending to get the alternate cutscene, I got the hell out of there to let him clean up.

Weirdest Thanksgiving ever.

-François

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article The Goatee Game: Tony Stark, Walter White, or Gordon Freeman?

By Chloe Cole / November 6, 2013

Walter White, Tony Stark and Gordon Freeman are all popular cosplays these days. They're all ambitious science-types who (for the most part) have shunned all facial hair outside of their goatees (also, they each kill a bunch of people), so close up they all look pretty similar. Let's celebrate No Shave November by trying to guess which goatee belongs to which cosplay.

So - who does each goatee belong to: Tony Stark, Walter White, or Gordon Freeman? 

Rollover each picture to find out!

 

Guess the Beard

(via)

 

Filed Under   half life   iron man   quiz   breaking bad   facial hair   tony stark