Articles

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Article How Mountain Dew Cheetos Became a Reality

By Andrew Bridgman / January 6, 2014

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Mountain Dew Cheetos is a thing. No, this is not a joke: MOUNTAIN DEW CHEETOS IS NOW OFFICIALLY A THING. How did it come to this, you ask? We've got the transcript right here...

 

  1. Executive 1

    You know what? Fuck it. Mountain Dew Cheetos. BOOM.

  2. Executive 2

    Ha ha, very funny, Jerry. Now back to business -

  3. Executive 1

    No, I'm dead serious. Mountain Dew Cheetos. Cheetos that taste like that radioactive-green, vaguely-citrus slime.

  4. Executive 2

    That's insane, Jerry. We're trying to sell food to people products, not parody them.

  5. Executive 1

    I'm sick of it. Why are we beating around the bush here? These people want powder-y, sodium-packed snacks and a soda that's too fucking lazy to spell "Mountain." Let's save everyone a step and just mash 'em together.

  6. Executive 2

    That's going too far, Jerry. I didn't say anything when we made those Doritos tacos, but I gotta put my foot down here. I mean, what would it even taste like?

  7. Executive 1

    I'll tell you what it'll taste like...

 

Filed Under   conversations   mountain dew   cheetos

Article Toplist Results: The 25 Most Anticipated Games of 2014

By Staff / January 9, 2014
Toplist Results: The 25 Most Anticipated Games of 2014

Filed Under   results   2014

Article Toplist Results: The 20 Greatest Fictional Detectives of All-Time

By Andrew Bridgman / February 6, 2014

Toplist Results: The 20 Greatest Fictional Detectives of AllTime

After over 400,000 votes, you (the voters) have solved the greatest mystery of all - who's the greatest fictional detective ever? You found the clues, questioned witnesses, planted evidence, threatened the jury...actually, you used some pretty underhanded methods. Regardless, you got results. And here they are - the 20 greatest fictional detectives of all-time!

 

20. Professor Layton

Toplist Results: The 20 Greatest Fictional Detectives of AllTime

While Professor Layton is, obviously, a professor (teaching Puzzology 101 at Why Does Everything Have To Be Puzzles??? University), the reality is that he's really a detective - solving mysteries and puzzles much more than setting office hours for his students. He's like Indiana Jones but if literally everyone Indy ran into made him steal a relic to answer the simplest questions. The top-hatted professor (along with his usual sidekick, Luke) spends his time running around Europe, solving mysteries through time and space, all while having a collar so popped they should call him Bro-fessor Layton.

Filed Under   results   detectives

Article Quiz: Which 'Pong' Character Are You?

By Andrew Bridgman / January 28, 2014

  Quiz: Which Pong Character Are You

The distinct and unique characters of Pong are truly the perfect avatars upon which to reflect our essential and most inherent humanity. Also - Don't forget to SHARE your results with your social networks!

 

 Quiz: Which Pong Character Are You

1. What's your ideal date night?

  

a. Preventing a ball from leaving off of the left side of the screen
b. Preventing a ball from leaving off of the right side of the screen

 

Filed Under   pong   quiz

Article Stages of Grief (For Losing a Save File)

By Ryan Creamer / November 22, 2013

Denial

Stages of Grief For Losing a Save File

Whew. Finally some free time. But more specifically, Chrono Trigger time. Let's do this. Let's finally take down Lavos and restor.......uh. Hmmm. That's weird.

What's going on with the menu screen? The save file menu... Where's my name? Or my brother's? Or (the game's random previous owner) Dan's? ...Well, it couldn't have just disappeared. Save files don't just disappear - it's not like they're "my dad" or something. Maybe it's just a little dirty! Nothing that can be fixed with a little ol' fashioned mouth-to-game resuscitation!

Alright now it should be good. Ok, so far so good, that gold pendulum thing is rocking back and forth and the start screen looks normal and now I'll just press start reeeal delicately this time and -

Filed Under   chrono trigger   grief

Article Pwn Up: A Very Special Pwn Up (Love Edition)

By Andrew Bridgman / July 30, 2013

Every now and then, we get such a great and thorough story submitted to us, that we have absolutely no choice but to run it as its own very special edition of Pwn Up. This is one of those times.

This weekend I attended PAX Australia with my girlfriend. I may be the only Australian to have attended the very first PAX in 2004, and the expo holds a special place in my heart. I had also been looking for a good way to pop the question, so as soon as PAX Aust was announced, I began conjuring an elaborate plan. It began with giving my girlfriend a mysterious envelope several months ago, that she must keep with her at all times in case the time comes to open it…

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article There's a New Twitch Plays Pokemon Going On - Emerald Version

By Andrew Bridgman / March 23, 2014

via Variis

It began as an bizarre sociological experiment - getting thousands of people to control the same game of Pokemon Red via Twitch.tv chat. The original run took nearly 400 continuous hours of play and left the internet exhausted with memes and fan art and talk about what an insane idea this was. But then it continued - 24 hours after the completion of Pokemon Red, they powered forward with Pokemon Crystal version.

It was no longer a simple one and done experiment - it was much bigger than that. This is now an institution - with "Twitch Plays" being applied to other games, including The Legend of Zelda and Tetris and many others.

But coming back to the channel that started it all, they've finished Crystal version and are moving on to Generation 3 - Emerald version.

Although we tried to extensively cover the original run, we won't be tracking this too closely. This is no longer an event - it's going to be an ongoing thing that's here to stay. Still, it's worth checking in on every now and then to see what madness and new religions are being cooked up by thousands of people chaotically trying to ram their way through a videogame designed to be played by one person at a time.


  

via EUGeneration

For the first time, Twitch Plays Pokemon is playing with a girl trainer. Her name is "A". You might think that's just because it's impossible for this many people controlling a game to get anything other than a short, random assortment of letters. You'd be wrong.

The "A" stands for "Anarchy." You see, A isn't your typical Pokemon trainer. She's dedicated herself to being an agent of chaos, to upending the status quo, to tearing apart the delicate balance of society. Appropriately, her starting Pokemon was Torchic. Because some trainers just want to watch the world burn.

Basically, we're playing as The Joker.

Article The Conversation That Created The (Rebooted) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

By Andrew Bridgman / March 28, 2014

 

"Heroes are not born - they're created."

-William Fichtner (the guy from Prison Break)

 

  1. Scientist

    Uh, sir?

  2. William Fichtner (from Prison Break)

    Johnson, stop asking questions - get back to making those heroes!

  3. Scientist

    Yeah, about that...you SURE these are the heroes you wanna create?

  4. William Fichtner (from Prison Break)

    Uh, YEAH. Crime is running rampant and Megan Fox is the city's top journalist. Things are bad and we need laboratory-created heroes ASAP.

  5. Scientist

    Well, if we're MAKING heroes, couldn't we make...something else? Like, pretty much anything else other than THIS.

 

tmnt

Article Toplist Results: The 20 Greatest Videogame Sequels of All-Time

By Andrew Bridgman / January 30, 2014

  Toplist Results: The 20 Greatest Videogame Sequels of AllTime

 Ever wonder what the greatest videogame sequels of all-time are? Well, wonder no longer! After 900,000 votes from Dorkly readers and non-readers who just like clicking pictures a lot (see the full results here), we have the greatest number 2's in gaming history.

 

20. Star Fox 64

  Toplist Results: The 20 Greatest Videogame Sequels of AllTime

Beginning its life as Star Fox 2 for the SNES, eventually the project was scrapped and moved to the upcoming N64 system, starring a group of 4 animals that - for some reason - were the only ones interested in trying to stop a floating monkey head from destroying the galaxy (seriously, there's an entire army shown at the end that apparently all had shore leave during the game). With diverging mission paths, some great (if basic) multiplayer, and some top-notch meme lines (including my favorite: "Do a spin-type move, Commander McCloud!" - Pepper the Squirrel), StarFox 64 was one of the main reasons to get an N64 in the early days. But on top of all of this, it was the first game to utilize the Rumble Pak (it even came with one!). By simply jamming a 5 pound brick into your controller, you could truly understand how it felt to be a anthropomorphized fox piloting a starship through an asteroid belt.

Filed Under   toplist   results   sequels

Article The Best Luigi Fan Art on the Internet

By Andrew Bridgman / December 6, 2013

As the Year of Luigi winds to a close, we're looking to honor the eternal second banana of videogames. And since the internet has produced more fan art about every aspect of videogames than you could possibly imagine, we gathered together some of the best Luigi fan art out there.

Filed Under   luigi   fanart   internerd   year of luigi