Articles

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Article How To Purchase 'Bravely Default' (As a Socially-Awkward Adult)

By Andrew Bridgman / February 14, 2014

Are you a socially-anxious, overly-neurotic, deeply self-critical individual? If you are, you occasionally run into potentially embarrassing situations that you overthink even though they're likely completely irrelevant and you have no reason to be embarrassed. One of these situations might be buying a videogame with a weird cover. Like, oh I dunno, Bravely Default.

 

How To Purchase A Game With An Embarrassing Cover

 

The game looked great (and it IS great) - but the problem is, I really, REALLY didn't want to go to an employee at Best Buy or GameStop and buy a game that featured some kind of creepy "sexy teenage butterfly." This is not a "cool thing" for a grown adult to be buying in a public setting. However, I wanted a physical copy AND I wanted it immediately, so that took downloading and Amazon off the table.

 

Luckily, this gave me an excuse to come up with different methods for getting the game, embarrassment-free!

 


 

 

1. Pretend You're An Exasperated, Confused Parent

  How To Purchase A Game With An Embarrassing Cover

Go To Line: "I'm looking for a game my son wanted. Bravery My Fault or something? For the 3D Gameboy?"

Filed Under   guide   bravely default

Article 7 More Videogame Worlds It Would Seriously Suck To Live In

By Andrew Bridgman / April 2, 2014

1. Civilization

6 More Videogame Worlds It Would Seriously Suck To Live In

Welcome to your new civilization! As a citizen of this new society, you will be ruled by an immortal god-king with complete control over every aspect of your life and the entire civilization. Also, you will be more or less in a state of constant warfare with the rest of the world. Building ANYTHING takes decades upon decades. If you're one of the unfortunate few who's drafted into the war effort, you may very well end up being a spearman or a horseback rider stuck battling a friggin' TANK.

Oh, and you're always in danger of being nuked by Gandhi - or if you happen to live in Gandhi's civilization, always in danger of being retaliation-nuked by EVERYONE ELSE who Gandhi just started  a nuclear war with.

 

2. Sonic the Hedgehog

6 More Videogame Worlds It Would Seriously Suck To Live In

The world of Sonic is generally pretty terrible - everything is divided into insanely-dangerous, completely incongruous 'zones' - from lava-filled ruins to a world of enormous casinos to a place that's just nothing but pollution. And odds are you're going to be a tiny forest critter who's subjected to one of two fates: either being locked in a capsule, waiting desperately for anyone to come by and press a button to release you (hopefully they come fast enough) or getting a sweet robot-body and inevitably having it destroyed by an out-of-control enormous hedgehog whose body is essentially covered in blades. You're nothing but a pawn caught between groups of beings trying to collect super-gems that will give them Dragonball Z knockoff powers.

And while humans DID become part of the Sonic mythos later on (not including Dr. Robotnik, who was bizarrely the only human present for the first couple games in the series), life isn't gonna be much better for you. In fact, there's a pretty good chance you'll be kissing anthropomorphic hedgehogs before you know it. 

Filed Under   the sims   oregon trail   sonic   civilization

Article Letter from the Regular Potion in Your Item Bag

By Jake Young / January 16, 2014

Filed Under   pokemon   potion   letter   item

Article Twitch Plays Pokemon Has Killed Lord Helix!

By Andrew Bridgman / March 15, 2014

 In the world of Twitch Plays Pokemon, no one is safe - not even gods. For on Saturday, March 15th, the players of Pokemon Crystal defeated their ultimate foe: THEMSELVES...and also their god, Lord Helix.

Twitch Plays Pokemon Has Killed Lord Helix

via Jack Kaiser

In case you're not familiar (and judging by how Pokemon stuff tends to do on this site and on the internet as a whole, you probably are), after you defeat the Elite 4 and your rival and become the Pokemon League champion of Johto, the original Pokemon region of Kanto opens to you, where you will need to defeat the gym leaders and get another 8 badges. And once that's complete, you travel to Mt. Silver and face off against Red - the hero of Pokemon Red/Blue.

Twitch Plays Pokemon Has Killed Lord Helix

via VerbumDei

The team held by AJ (the nickname for Twitch Plays Pokemon Crystal's protagonist) was Solid Snake (Steelix), Ace (Raticate), Katie (Dragonite), Burrito (Espeon), LazorGator (Feraligatr), and Brian (Pidgeot).

Normally Red's team consists of Pikachu, Espeon, Snorlax, Venusaur, Charizard, and Blastoise. But the emulators of Twitch Plays Pokemon decided to keep the canon of their own playthrough, and replaced Red's normal team with Bird Jesus (Pidgeot), Battery Jesus (Zapdos), All Terrain Venomoth (Venomoth), The Fresh Prince of Bel Air (Lapras), King Fonz (Nidoking), and Lord Helix (Omastar).

THE SAME TEAM THAT ENDED THE ORIGINAL TWITCH PLAYS POKEMON RUN.

Article What 'Game of Thrones' Actors Looked Like In Their Younger Days

By Staff / April 14, 2014

 

Young Tywin Lannister (in Pascali's Island)

Game of Thrones Actors In the Wayback Machine

Yep, that's Lannister patriarch Charles Dance - in total young stud mode - hanging out with young Helen Mirren. Old people! They used to be young!

 

Young Ned Stark (in The Bill)

Game of Thrones Actors In the Wayback Machine  

Old age is coming.

 

Article The Dorklyst: The 8 Most Bizarre Celebrity Videogame Pitchmen

By Hudson Hongo / September 10, 2013

When deciding how to spend your hard-earned gaming dollar, a celebrity endorsement is about as convincing as a YouTube comment reading "SONIC RULEZ." Nevertheless, game publishers have used famous faces to sell their products for years. Of course, few of these stars have any actual connection to videogames, leading to Nintendo Hard mindf*cks like "Would I enjoy the same paddle-based arcade action as Don Knotts?" In honor of deputy Fife and other questionably chosen game reps, here are some of the strangest people to ever pimp a PlayStation, Atari, and any other thing Aretha Franklin probably has zero interest in.

8. Don Knotts for Atari Breakout

Even after repeat viewings, it's basically impossible to follow the thought process behind this 1978 commercial. "Okay, so for Home Run we'll have Pete Rose and for Air Sea Battle we'll use, um, Pelé, and for Breakout…screw it, Don Knotts, I guess?" Admittedly, Breakout doesn't have a lot in the story department other than "smash the bricks with your ball," but they still could have found a more convincing jailbird than The Incredible Mr. Limpet. Or, if they were going the comedy route, someone who's Atari-directed threats came across as just a bit less murder-y.

Filed Under   the dorklyst   commercials

Article Well, These Videogame Consoles All Look Legit

By Staff / April 17, 2014

Step 1: Pick the worst movie of the year

Step 2: Forget how to spell "Batman"

Step 3: Re-evaluate your life choices

 

Well, These Videogame Products All Look Legit

 

via Technabob

 

 

 

If you're gonna knock off a console, maybe at least choose one of the successful ones.

 

Well, These Videogame Products All Look Legit

 

via My Treamcast

 

Filed Under   fake   internerd

Article FALLOUT 4 REVEALED!!!

By Andrew Bridgman / December 7, 2013

FALLOUT 4 REVEALED

 

Beginning a few weeks ago, Fallout fans worldwide have been talking about a mysterious site named "The Survivor 2299." While the site did not directly state that it was connected to Bethesda Softworks (the publisher behind Fallout 3 and Fallout: New Vegas), the imagery used and hints within the source code clearly indicated that it was some sort of viral marketing for a new entry in the Fallout series. And though Bethesda remained tight-lipped throughout, there were countdowns that were seemingly leading to a major announcement. And on December 6th, that announcement came...

Filed Under   fallout   fallout 4   real news

Article Well, Twitch Is Playing ANOTHER Pokemon Game

By Andrew Bridgman / March 2, 2014

Twitch Plays Pokemon: Gold Version

Those maniacs at Twitch Plays Pokemon - not content with their original experiment, which lasted about 400 consecutive hours - have begun a game of Pokemon Crystal. For people invested in this (which includes: people with the willpower and patience to actually participate in this, and exhausted internet writers who would like to not be doing this on a Sunday morning) this feels a little soon - it started a mere 24 hours after the completion of Pokemon Red. But the game is afoot, so GET YOUR ENGINES REVVED FOR SLOW, CHAOTIC PROGRESS!

Filed Under   pokemon   twitch plays pokemon

Article The Best Quotes From Frank Underwood, Pokemon Champion

By Andrew Bridgman / February 19, 2014

The Best Quotes From Frank Underwood, Pokemon Champion

 

The Best Quotes From Frank Underwood, Pokemon Champion

Filed Under   TV   pokemon   house of cards   frank underwood