Articles

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #18

August 5, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

My alarm clock ringtone is the Final Fantasy VII victory theme. I start every morning feeling like a winner.-Lee

One day, I was over a friend's house and we were cutting up peppers for his parents' restaurant. He got a bit carried away and cut his finger all the way to the bone. Instead of going to the hospital straight away, he got a bunch of tissues and ran to the nearest keyboard to check if it was a finger that he used for any of his WoW hot keys.-Anonymous

My family's only Christmas tradition is to play Golden Eye for N64 on Christmas Eve, all day. -Danny

One time a male friend and I spent a whole evening creating our own teenage mutant ninja turtle. We chose a color, weapons and researched Italian Renaissance artists so we could get an appropriate name. We even made a photoshop picture of the turtle by mucking around with a pic of Donatello. The funny thing was his girlfriend broke up with him over it, because she felt what we did was "too intimate" and he was "obviously cheating" on her.-Saskia

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Article Charizard's Revenge

June 1, 2010

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #12

July 15, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I quit World of Warcraft on April 22nd (shortly after I got Monster Hunter Tri) by putting an authenticator on my account and smashing the shit out of it so it wouldn't generate a code anymore, therefor rendering the account useless. I had eight level 80 characters, four of which were quite well geared for raiding. I was done for good, until I made a new account on June 24th, and leveled a warrior to 80 in under a week.-Paul

A couple years ago I was over at my girlfriend's house, she told me she was going to take a shower and dropped some not-so-subtle hints that she wanted me to join. I passed on that opportunity to watch an episode of the original Voltron series. It was a good one. After the show was over, she came back into the living room quite upset after a long, long shower.-DW

After being shot and killed during an all night marathon of pwning noobs online in Socom II: US Navy Seals, I got so mad that I smashed my hand down on the arm of my chair. There was a searing pain in my wrist and a doctor visit later revealed that I had fractured the bone. I spent the next week telling everyone at school that I broke my arm skateboarding.-Matt

I was so mad at M. Night Shyamalan over his Avatar movie that I wrote him two letters. One about how much I hated that he changed Aangs name, and another about why firebenders don't need a source of fire to firebend.-Alec

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Article Pwn Up: Snake Healer

By Andrew Bridgman / August 24, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Snake Healer - Image 1
I skipped my school's Hershey Park field trip, telling everyone I was afraid of roller coasters. The real reason was so I could stay home and watch the E3 press conferences live.-Jacob

A few weeks back I cut my foot open pretty bad. I thankfully found the first aid box in my house, but I had no idea what to do. Then I remembered how the health system in Metal Gear Solid 3 worked and was able to take care of my foot that night. I mean – I still had to go to the doctor a few days later. But Metal Gear Solid 3 saved me a trip to the emergency room.-Virginia

I've been playing a lot of Skyrim lately, and was recently given a quest in Markarth called "The Forsworn Conspiracy". I won't go into all the details but eventually the quest lands you in prison where you have to break out with the leader of the Forsworn (at the time it didn't occur to me to kill him and break out myself) so I helped him and some of his followers break out. As soon as we did, they started wrecking havoc on the town and I began to panic. While I didn't care for the corrupt family that was in charge there and I did feel kinda bad about the Forsworn guys, I'd spent so much time helping various villagers and getting to like them that I just couldn't let this all happen to them. Unfortunately, my last save was from five hours earlier. After a few minutes of debate I decided that the good people of Markarth were worth losing a few hours of progress.-Katie

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Article Sex Tips From Mario Kart

By Staff / March 11, 2014

Sex Tips From Mario Kart

 

Sex Tips From Mario Kart

Filed Under   sex   mario kart

Article The Weekly IRL: Live Long and Prosper

By Staff / January 5, 2012


Filed Under   star trek   the weekly irl

Article Pwn Up: Cloud Tested, Cactuar Approved

By Kevin Corrigan / September 23, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

When I was younger, I prided myself on knowing everything about FF7. I played through it once a year. My mother would say, "Why do you bother memorizing all of this crap? This isn't going to help you in real life!" Today I work in HR for an insurance company. I wrap up every interview by asking, "What's the prize for beating Ruby Weapon?" It works as a tie-breaker if someone knows. I do it so people can call their parents and tell them they got a job for their "useless knowledge." Take that, mom!-Raleigh

It was my senior year of college when Gears of War 3 was announced. I decided, right then and there, that I wanted to dress up as Cole for the midnight release. I started going to the gym and bulked up to near 200 lbs for it.-Richie

Today in my western civ class, my professor asked if we knew the old english word for horse. I said "rohan," which is right. He asked how I knew. I said from Lord of the Rings: the kingdom of Rohan, the Mark of the Riders. Now I'm that kid in the class. Great way to start off the semester.-Steven

I told my air force recruiter I to want wait till February to join so I can get my affairs in order. My affairs are getting Skyrim and playing it thoroughly.-Howard

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Article Pwn Up: Do You Even Bench?

By Andrew Bridgman / April 22, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Do You Even Bench - Image 2
I was at the gym with my friend recently. While we were taking a break, I decided to draw a few Pokemon on the gym sign-in sheet, just to goof around. Eventually, we went back to working out – and the gym supervisor approached me. I was nervous we were in trouble, until he asked "Do you still collect them?" I asked what he was talking about, and he replied "Pokemon cards. Do you still collect them?" Turns out his son just moved out, and left behind a box of Pokemon cards. My gym supervisor said he might bring some in to play a game if I still had mine. Now I'm more excited to go to the gym than I've ever been.-CJ

Here's the story: last summer after playing various FPS's for almost 12 straight hours, a couple of my friends dropped by. After a couple of hours, we have noticed that we were out of beer. Mind you that all of us are really lazy individuals, so we decided to order some beer from the shop just across the street (I live in Turkey and you can order alcohol by phone). The problem was I didn't know the phone number of the shop, so I went to my window to see if I could read the number. I live on the 10th floor, so I reached out with my right hand, and just right-clicked the air to zoom in. It took a couple of seconds to realize what I have done, but my friends were already laughing their asses off.-Eren

I recently had to write an essay for a test. The prompt asked whether or not a factory built next to a school should be required to dispose or prevent any air pollution that it produces since it's near a school.

While I should have written about different safety precautions in place, I instead went on a rant using SimCity questioning why on earth would some idiotic city planner decide to put industrial next to education.-Carlos

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Article Pwn Up: I Can See Your Halo

By Andrew Bridgman / November 16, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: I Can See Your Halo - Image 1
When Halo 4 came out, I was the only one at the midnight release not getting it. I got a copy of Dragon Ball Z Budokai HD instead.-Christian

I was so pumped to hear everyone throwing the word BAMF around recently. I thought it was cool that a comic book reference had become modern slang. It wasn't until much later that I found out that the current use of BAMF was not a reference to the sound Nightcrawler made when teleporting.-Zack

I recently went to see a movie with my girlfriend. Since it was the Friday after Halloween, all the theater employees were dressed up. We go to get our popcorn and the cashier has an awesome Link costume, complete with a sword, shield and Navi. I compliment him on his costume and he lets out a big relieved sigh and says "Thanks man, you're the first person to get it. Everyone keeps calling me Peter Pan."-Fraser

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Article Pwn Up: Assassin's Quiz

By Andrew Bridgman / November 2, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Assassins Quiz - Image 4
I gave a true/false pop quiz to my class on the Assassin's Creed 3 release day. Every answer was false, and I let them work on whatever they wanted after the quiz. Nothing is true. Everything is permitted.-Mr. R

When I was about 13, my grandma got me a Sega Dreamcast for my birthday. The problem was the store she bought the console didn't have the memory card/VMU for sale, and since I live in a small town in Brazil, it was the only one store that sold the Dreamcast. I was crazy about finishing Sonic Adventure (which came along with the Dreamcast), but I didn't have the VMU, so the furthest I went was the Knuckles stages.

I waited for a holiday and played it nonstop for more than 24 hours (minus eating and stuff) and I was able to finish the game in about 18 in-game hours. When I finally turned my Dreamcast off, I cried for like 10 minutes, since I knew I'd lost it all.-Gabriel

On the night that Silent Hill: Revelation came out, being a big Silent Hill fan, I went in with a friend dressed as Pyramid Head, expecting a large turn out for the premiere. I walked around the lobby for a while, handing out flyers for a haunted house I work at that supplied the costume, and talked to the staff of the theater for a while, a few of whom took pictures, and scaring random movie goers. Then, when I walked into the screening room, I held my blade high…. for about 10 people to see. Not exactly what I was expecting, but at least I didn't have to worry about blocking anyone's view.-Skyler (see below)

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