Articles

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Article Halo Firefight: A Hero's Death

March 7, 2011
  1. General

    Uh, Mrs. Gunki77er?

  2. Mother

    Yes, general?

  3. General

    There's no easy way to say this. Your son died in a Halo firefight last night-

  4. Mother

    What?

  5. General

    Ten times, ending his game.

  6. Mother

    That…that is a lot of times.

Filed Under   conversations   halo

Article Console Review: The Xbox One

By Andrew Bridgman / November 22, 2013

Filed Under   reviews   xbox one   dorkly review

Article Pwn Up: Epwna's Song

By Andrew Bridgman / September 21, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Epwnas Song - Image 1
When I was a kid, I played the Legend of Zelda on the NES. Since the game was called 'Legend of Zelda,' I entered Link's name as Zelda (thinking that was what his name was supposed to be). Little did I know, that was the code to make the game much harder. I gave up almost instantly and hated the series for years, never realizing I had screwed myself over.-Jason

One summer, my PSX memory card started to act up. It wouldn't save anything correctly. I had just borrowed Final Fantasy VII from a friend, I was determined to beat it regardless of my memory card. I would play for a couple of hours a day and then I would leave the PSX on overnight and wake up and go at it again. This went on for about 6 days. Finally, I got to the boss and I beat him. I jumped around my room. I never felt so good in my life! Then I realized there was a disc 2…-Kerby

The first word I ever spoke was "Pikachu." Apparently, my parents had me watching the cartoon series a lot when I was a baby. I didn't learn "mama" or "dada" for another few months.-Julio

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article The Weekly IRL: 7 Nerdy Manicures

By Staff / June 23, 2011


Filed Under   the weekly irl

Article In the Stands at the Wii Tennis Court

July 28, 2010
  1. Spectator #1

    So, who's playing today?

  2. Spectator #2

    Looks like a pair of identical twins against a different pair of identical twins.

  3. Spectator #1

    Huh. What are the odds, right?

  4. Spectator #2

    Pretty high, actually. I've been watching these matches for years, and it's mostly twins playing against twins.

  5. Spectator #1

    Whoa! Did you see that?

  6. Spectator #2

    What?

  7. Spectator #1

    Each set of twins is swinging in unison! It's… kind of creepy.

  8. Spectator #2

    Well, you know. Tennis is a creepy sport, right?

  9. Spectator #1

    …Maybe. Jeez, these guys aren't very good.

  10. The balls flies into the stands.

  11. Spectator #1

    I mean, what was that?

  12. Spectator #2

    Oh, that's this team's signature play. When the ball's headed to their side, they both swing at the same time, but the front guy misses, so when it gets to the back guy he's still recovering from that first swing and he just kind of flails around wildly. He generally either hits the ball into the stands or misses completely.

Filed Under   conversations   wii

Article The Weekly IRL: Videogame Jack-o-Lanterns

October 28, 2010

Filed Under   the weekly irl

Article Videogame WebMD

July 28, 2010


Filed Under   mario   webmd

Article 10 Insane Game of Thrones Fanfics

By Mark Hill / April 4, 2014

10 Insane Game of Thrones Fanfics

It's no surprise that a franchise as popular as Game of Thrones (or A Song of Ice and Fire, if you're part of the superior book reading breed) has generated its fair share of fanfiction. What may surprise you is just how... creative some fans are. Amidst the countless stories where Daenerys flies her dragons to Westeros, kills all the bad guys and has awesome sex with Robb Stark are tales that will make you question if you were even watching the same TV show as the writer. So if you need some new reading material and don't like having a firm grasp on your sanity, check out... 

 

1. The Bodyguard

 10 Insane Game of Thrones Fanfics

via sashaudinov

"So when that little prick had ordered him to take care of another person that night, Sandor had been furious...

...Because Joffrey had sent him to take care of a singer."

 

Sansa Stark and Sandor Clegane are a common fanfic pairing, because there's nothing more beautiful than the love between a young teenage girl and a violent, alcoholic, emotionally (and physically!) scarred sociopath. The Bodyguard takes their love a ridiculous step further by moving the characters to a modern setting, where Sansa is a pop star and Oscar nominee who's engaged to be married to presidential candidate Joffrey, in what has to be the worst democracy ever. But Sansa slowly falls in love with Joffrey's bodyguard, Sandor, and they eventually consummate their love after surviving a terrorist attack lead by Arya. It's the perfect story for Thrones fans who also wish that they could masturbate to House of Cards. Oh, and good luck watching any more Sansa or Sandor scenes without getting a Whitney Houston song stuck in your head.

Filed Under   sex   wtf   fan fiction   game of thrones   fanfic

Article Pwn Up: Homestuck

By Andrew Bridgman / February 1, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: - Image 2
When I was 10, I bought my first GameBoy game – Pokemon: Blue Version. After I turned it on and started playing it, I got stuck: in my character's house. I didn't realize that the mat in front of the door was the way to exit a building. I spent about an hour pressing "A" on everything in that freaking house and gave up. I didn't touch the game or the GameBoy again until about 2 weeks later when a friend's sister showed me what to do after I told her I was "stuck" on one part in the game.-Claire

I was late to work one day last week, and there is a long, clear, straight stretch of road I have to take to get there. The speed limit is 20 mph, though (because it's adjacent to a school parking lot and a residence hall), which makes it a great place for policemen to hang out and catch anyone going more than 5 over the speed limit. As I turned onto this road, my index finger began twitching – I was thinking of hitting F5 to quicksave in case I get caught speeding. I've been playing too much Skyrim.-Natalie

I have a daughter on the way. I'm trying to convince my wife to name her Tali. I'm thinking of letting her name our daughter, so if we ever have a son, it'll be my decision and we can name him Garrus.-Anonymous

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #29

December 7, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

Once, a buddy and myself were playing Halo 2 on Live and my friend thought it would be funny to start killing everyone on his team. After somehow not getting booted, the game ended with everyone furious and screaming at my friend for making us have such a low score. His response was he thought they were playing golf rules.- Connor "Balls-Out" B.
"Stop grunting and screaming lad, that's your mother's job." - Jon
While playing Black Ops a guy in the lobby who went 4-12 said, "I'm trying to teach my daughter about fractions. See Honey this is 1/3."- Jonathan
I went into a lobby the other day and came in mid-conversation between 10-year olds.Kid 1: So, how many kids do you want when you get older?Kid 2: I don't know, 5? Yeah, 5.Kid 1: Cool, I want 3, one for each gender!long pauseKid 1: Boy, Girl, and abortion!- Brody
Filed Under   overheard on xbox