Articles

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Article The Adventures of Thaldin Grixbane: Office LARPer

March 3, 2011

  1. Thaldin

    Fellow warriors! A grave injustice has been committed this day!

  2. Coworker

    What is it this time, Eric?

  3. Thaldin

    As ye all know, within yonder breakroom fridge, there dwells a legendary sandwich, forged with the bread of truth and tempered with Hellman's Lite Mayo.

  4. Coworker

    We all know what a sandwich is, Eric.

  5. Thaldin

    BUT ALAS, whilst I was battling spreadsheets, mine lunch was pilfered.

  6. Coworker

    You could just send an email abou-

  7. Thaldin

    I SUSPECT WOOD SPRITES.

Filed Under   larp   thaldin grixbie

Article Pwn Up: Legend of Luigi

By Andrew Bridgman / September 28, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Legend of Luigi - Image 2
When I first the Nintendo 64, I fell, hook-line-and sinker, for the "Luigi is in Mario 64 myth" and spent countless hours and lives trying to find Luigi. I tried literally every method I could find on the (dial-up) internet to do so, from trying to jump into the lavafall inside the volcano in "Lethal Lava Land" at "just the right angle", using the cannon outside the castle to break through an invisible wall over the lake, to attempting to find the supposed hidden 121st star supposedly at the highest point of the rainbow ride world. After many failed attempts, my 12 year old self was forced to give up on the fruitless mission, not because I realized I was being played a fool, but because I thought I was doing something wrong… It was not until reading Dorkly's article "The 6 Cruelest Hoaxes and Urban Legends in Videogame History" over 14 years later that I realized that I had been hoodwinked.-Gary

I was totally unprepared for my first Latin test – but the first thing I did when I got the paper was to translate all the "mi fili"s that could be found. Thank goodness for Sephiroth.-Nadya

I am in high school right now and taking an AP U.S. Government course. The teacher told us to go home and find an article or a video that represented the importance of the Revelutionary War. So the next day I came back to my class and showed them the trailers for Assassin's Creed 3. In the end I got an F for the assignment.-Kaiser

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #31

December 21, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

I was playing Black Ops and I was in the pre-game lobby, when someone asked if anyone had seen the latest episode of Sons of Anarchy. Some guy decided he was going to be a smart-ass and said, "I don't watch that show because it glorifies things that I don't appreciate. I only watch shows that have values and things that I support." Some other guy spoke up and said, "Yeah, that's why you have all season's of To Catch A Predator on DVD." -Big Steve
So I was playing some Free Roam on Red Dead Redemption and I pass this guy who is just standing out in a field doing nothing. I ride up and all I hear on his mic is "fap, fap, fap, fap,fap" followed by grunting. -SHOTBlocker4044
One day while playing MW2 with a coworker, he said "The bigger they are, the harder they fall" since he unlocked the challenge. I regret it to this day, but my response was "No, the bigger they are, the harder you choke!" He never really looked at me the same.-Aaron
Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #4

June 15, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it?Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

In high school, I got picked on by the guys who brought in BeyBlade tops.-Devin

I had an interview for a promotion at work. My manager told me that the position required patience and the ability to follow through. I told him that wouldn't be a problem, because I've collected all 251 Pokemon in Pokemon Gold. -Chuck

I always play as female characters. If I have to stare at someone's digital ass for 5 hours, it's going to be a female.-Ben

My friend once did the Chidori from Naruto to impress a girl: sound effects, hand signs, and all. She couldn't stop laughing at him. -Damien

I'm 20 years old. I recently spent nearly 36 hours organizing all 4,568 of my Yu-Gi-Oh cards, then made the best deck I could possibly conceive. It was a glorious day. I was filled with confidence. I entered a tournament and was ready to kick ass. My first opponent was an 8-year-old girl. It ended quickly with me screaming "HOW COULD I LOSE TO A CHILD AT A CHILDREN'S CARD GAME?"-Cormel

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article The Best Archer Cosplay On the Internet

By Chloe Cole / January 13, 2014

Season 5 of Archer premieres this Monday at 10 pm. Before you all sploosh yourselves, check out these awesome Archer cosplays.

 

Best Archer Cosplay

Filed Under   cosplay   TV   the weekly irl   archer

Article Twas The Night Before GTA IV

May 4, 2010

'Twas the night before GTA IV and all through the dorm,not a student could sleep, anticipating the following morn.

With their laptops a'glow they laid awake in their beds,while visions of ghostriding motorcycles danced in their heads.

All papers were turned in weeks before due,and all absences saved for this gaming debut.

The hallways were empty, the RAs were gone,they camped out at Best Buy 'til it opened at dawn.So I stared out my window and gazed at the stars,dreaming of beating pedestrians and stealing cop-cars.

Filed Under   poetry

Article Plants vs. Zombies vs. Awesome

December 29, 2010
  1. Peashooter

    Ah, life. Fresh air, warm sunlight, and plenty of water, garden life is great.

  2. Repeater

    Bunker-up soldier, welcome to hell.

  3. Peashooter

    What are you talking about?

  4. Repeater

    You've just been planted into a battlefield.

  5. Peashooter

    A battlefield? But the sunflowers look like they're having such a great time.

  6. Repeater

    Their smiles are just for show. They have it rough.

  7. Sunflower

    BLARGH!! Oh God make it stop!

  8. Peashooter

    Did he just vomit sunshine?

Filed Under   plants vs. zombies

Article Issue #4

May 17, 2011

Have a nerdy horror story you want to share with the Internet? Send your submissions to areyouafraidofthedork@gmail.com!

When I was 10, I tried to clone an Aerodactyl on Pokemon Blue using the trading method. On the other end of the trade was a "sacrifice Hypno" to be replaced by the clone. The trade went wrong, and the Aerodactyl died in the link cable. I ended up with two Hypnos.-Anonymous

About an hour into playing Ocarina of Time, my brother sunk up behind me with a ventriloquist dummy. I was so scared that I dropped the controller and huddled in a corner. It wasn't until 6 months laterthat I got the nerve to play Zelda again. I'm still terrified of dummies.-John

So, I was the weird kid in grade school. All of the girls in my elementary classes were bitches, so I hung out with the guys. As a result, I got into Pokemon, other video games, and trading card games. Being a girl who liked boy stuff marked me permanently as 'that weird girl.' In 3rd Grade, the guys in my class decided it would be a good idea to take my hand and force it across the chalkboard, making me scratch it. They did this a lot, and it sent me into fits. To this day I can't even think about my hand coming into contact with a chalkboard without having a phobic freak out.-Hallie

Article Sex Tips From Mario Kart

By Staff / March 11, 2014

Sex Tips From Mario Kart

 

Sex Tips From Mario Kart

Filed Under   sex   mario kart

Article The Weekly IRL: The Dark Knight Rises (8 Pictures)

By Staff / July 28, 2011


Filed Under   the weekly irl   batman