Articles

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Article Office Walking Dead: The New Intern

By Jared Bronen / August 22, 2013
Rollover to see the effects of Jared's choices!

Filed Under   the walking dead   decisions

Article Pwn Up: The Year of the Pwn

By Andrew Bridgman / January 4, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

My aunt sent me a text asking if I wanted "HALO cry Vegas" for Christmas.-Nick


When I graduated, I took my diploma, held in the air in front of everyone and sung out-loud the "Zelda: found item" song clip.-Brett

Pwn Up: - Image 2

No matter what I do in my life, I feel that my greatest achievement will always be in Paper Mario: the Thousand Year Door when I beat the Pit of 100 Trials before I had beaten Chapter 1.-Riley M.

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Humble Bundle Math

By Andrew Bridgman / September 12, 2013
Humble Bundle Math

Filed Under   charity   indie games   fez   humble bundle   ftl

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #34

January 18, 2011

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

I was playing zombies on Black Ops with some strangers on PSN. Only one guy had a mic, so he decided to start telling us his tragic life story. RANDOM DUDE WITH A MIC: I live in Boston, I'm unemployed right now, and I have to raise my 2 and a half year old daughter. All I do all day is take care of her and play zombies. I know the entire map by heart, and NO DON'T SHOOT THE CRAWLERS!!!-William
I started playing Halo Reach on Xbox live and hear some twelve year old talking. I guess he was doing science homework or something because he asked "Hey, my teacher wants to know how many atoms are on a penny. I think it's a trick question 'cause JOHN ATOMS (his words) is on the penny, so I should put one." He then proceeds to talk about how maybe the answer is 1991 because that is the date on the penny. He then decides his final answer is 1992, which he got by adding his two answers together. Then he said "I can't wait to be my only one in this class to get the right answer. He could not figure out why everyone was laughing at him.-Joshua G.
I was playing a round of MW2 TDM on Trailer Park. After the match was over, I heard someone with a southern accent saying the reason he did so badly was that he had dial-up. Free dial-up, at that. He was also playing on a black-and-white TV.-Michael K.
Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article Other Controversial Tweets By Adam Orth

By Andrew Bridgman / April 12, 2013

Last week, Microsoft creative director Adam Orth shared some controversial tweets regarding rumors that Microsoft's new Xbox console would require an active internet connection at all times.

Other Controversial Tweets By Adam Orth - Image 1

The internet outcry against Orth's dismissive, condescending attitude was immediate, leading to Orth's departure from Microsoft soon after. However, this is not the first instance of Orth taking a controversial stance on Twitter. Below are previous tweets, that for one reason or another never attracted the same level of outrage.

Other Controversial Tweets By Adam Orth - Image 1

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #2

June 3, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

Kid 1: I hate when big kids call you out on stuff just because- Kid 2: Dude, you just said "big kids."- Calvin L.

In the middle of a Gears of War game, there were two guys split screening on our team. The one guy said that he had to go to the bathroom, but I noticed that he never stopped playing. I heard occasional grunting and bowel movements for the rest of the game. - Eric

I overheard a guy who sounded to be about 17 doing a drug deal on his cell phone during a free-for-all Halo 3 match. He won by nine kills.- Calvin L.

My friend and I joined a game, and our team was full of little kids. I assumed they were all friends, but then they all started yelling at each other. One kid said "I will rip your balls off!" About 5 seconds later, another kid in the background of all the other kids yelling at each other yells "I'm going to rip your balls off and put it on your pepperoni pizza!" - Ryan D

Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #81

By Kevin Corrigan / June 24, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

Most people don't know this, but my local ice cream shop makes ice cream cakes with pictures of Link on top. Most people don't know this because as soon as they finish making them, I buy them. In fact, I have the schedule of the guy who designs those particular cakes on my Blackberry. I don't want my cakes getting scooped by some fake nerd. One day, I went in to get the cake and some girl was trying to do it instead of Greg. Greg was the guy that usually made the cakes. I later became friends with him. The girl had the color scheme wrong to a disgusting extent. Her Master Sword was black. I got mad and asked her, Annabel, where Greg went. She said, "I don't know, I think he quit." I got so upset I ate the whole cake that night and haven't gone back since.-Bailey

My cousin got married a month ago. He and his wife are both avid gamers. At the reception, they didn't do a first dance. Instead, they set up a projector and PS3, and played a custom level of LittleBigPlanet 2. It was made by the best man for the occasion. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the new standard for nerd weddings.-Dan

When I started at my current job, I was told that I had to provide my own hard hat. I bought one at a local workwear place. It happened to be blue. That was the only color they had left of the cheap ones. I thought it looked boring, so I stuck a "Blue Sun" decal on the front. My co-workers (who are geek-impaired), assumed that it was the logo of my former employer. I never corrected them, and stuck a similar decal on my clipboard. As far as anyone at work knows, I am a proud former employee of the Blue Sun Corporation. Shiny.-NytCrawlr

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Issue #9

June 21, 2011

Have a nerdy horror story you want to share with the Internet? Send your submissions to areyouafraidofthedork@gmail.com!

I was 11, my dad was painting mine and my brother's room so I had to put all my things in the middle, then went to stay with my grandma. By this point I'd spent probably close to $500 total on Pokemon cards. Anyway, I put my cards in a bin, and because I didn't want to get paint on them, covered it with a towel. My father, also had a towel to wipe paint if it was dripping, and threw it on top of my garbage. Apparently, he at some point confused the two and threw the wrong bin out. By the time I got back, it was past garbage pickup, and my huge collection of cards was gone forever. I had over 50 hollo cards, and every card was in plastic for protection. I still feel sad whenever I think about them.-Anonymous

For years, I refused to be downstairs alone due to the life-sized borg queen bust with glass eyes in the corner. Those stupid glass eyes followed me everywhere I went, I swear to god. That bust is in the loft now. I don't go in the loft anymore.-Ken

I was 12 years old when I first played Silent Hill. As many gamers would know, when an enemy is near, your radio goes static. So one night I'm playing alone in my living room and I accidentally sit on the remote for our stereo. The thing comes on with very loud static. I slept with the lights on for 5 months.-Sno

Article Issue #7

June 7, 2011

Have a nerdy horror story you want to share with the Internet? Send your submissions to areyouafraidofthedork@gmail.com!

I am the wimpiest gamer in existence. A few years back I was playing Wind Waker when I came across a room that freaked me out. After an hour, my mother came downstairs to see where all the pathetic whimpering was coming from. She found me in the bathroom, shaking from fear and bracing myself to vomit. That's right. I almost puked from getting huge adrenaline rushes. Darknuts are scary. -Stacie

When I was in 4th or 5th grade, my brother and I played the "Are You Afraid of the Dark?: Tale of Orpheo's Curse" on my grandfather's computer. I was convinced that Orpheo escaped from the game and was haunting the downstairs of my grandfather's house. I wouldn't go downstairs by myself until about the 8th grade.-Whitney

To this day I am scared of the dark because I'm afraid a Grue will get me.-Daniella

Article Issue #6

May 31, 2011

Have a nerdy horror story you want to share with the Internet? Send your submissions to areyouafraidofthedork@gmail.com!

I loved playing Bioshock, but it scared the hell out of me. When some of my friends discovered this, they started having Bioshock parties in which they would sit around and watch me play for comedy value as I involuntarily whimpered my way through the game. I allowed this to happen because I was often too scared to play it alone.-Anonymous

After beating Kingdom Hearts and collecting all the post-game things, I remember attempting the new Coliseum matches. I immediately gave up on Sephiroth, but I was constantly attempting to beat the Ice Titan. On one lucky fight, I managed to get his health down to a point where one more attack ought to have done it. I don't remember what I messed up, but suffice to say I died. I proceeded to cry and scream and I think I tried to throw my chair. My mom ended up taking the game away for several weeks. I never went back to that damn Coliseum.-Conor

A couple years ago, my family was preparing to go on a road trip. Not wanting me to be bored and annoying, they got me Final Fantasy Advance Tactics on my GBA. I hunkered down in the back seat and found myself hooked immediately, I played the whole 6 hour ride; then played well into the night at the hotel room, in fact I played so long that I fell asleep while playing. I woke up and my Gameboy had inevitably run out of battery and turned off. I hadn't saved the game since I hadn't planned on stopping. I broke down and cried in front of my whole family.-Anonymous