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Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #45

April 12, 2011

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

I once knew a guy who made his GT "like seven midgets", so when playing online with him you'd get messages like "You killed like seven midgets" or "You were beaten down by like seven midgets".-Kristen
I was playing COD:MW2 and I walked into a lobby and into the middle of a conversation between some people and this girl.Girl: "Yes. I'm a girl" Boy 1: "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?"Boy 2 "Yea, you should be making me a sandwich with you left hand cause girls don't have rights." (Get it?)The room: (laughing)Girl: "OMG, that's racist!!"The room: (slient)
Not that it really matters, but her avatar was blond…-Phil
Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article Pwn Up: Say Your Prayers

By Staff / April 27, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Say Your Prayers - Image 2

Every Tuesday, 8 of my mates come around to play Halo: Reach. During the day, while everyone is still at work, we like to text taunts to each other to fire everyone up for the night ahead. Last week I sent my own Halo-inspired version of the Lord's Prayer:

Our Spartan on Reach, Halo be thy gameThy Elites comeBattles will be done on Spire as it is on Hemmorage,Give us this day our weekly pizza,and forgive us our betrayals,as we forgive those who betray against us,Lead us not into the scope of a sniper,but deliver us the Flag.For the victory, the power and the glorious swords1 minute remaining,Game Over-Matt

A couple weeks ago I was at work planning my foray into Skyrim once my shift ended. I started making a list of all the Daedric artifacts I had and still needed to get. I was called away from my post and left the handwritten list by my register. A week later my manager pulled me aside and said there was a problem. He said, "Corporate called. They looked over the list of required items you left at your register. They said they were sorry but they don't have the Masque of Clavicus Vile in their inventory."-Scott

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article The 20 Best Internet Pictures of the Year

By Andrew Bridgman / December 26, 2013

 The 20 Best Internet Pictures of the Year

 

20. Star Wars BFFs

(via Chris Gugliotti)

Star Wars: BFFs

Filed Under   best of 2013

Article Issue #8

June 14, 2011

Have a nerdy horror story you want to share with the Internet? Send your submissions to areyouafraidofthedork@gmail.com!

Back when I was in High School in 2001, I played Diablo II on battle.net all the time. I didn't have my own computer, and we still had dial-up at the time. Since my dad was adverse to extended online play, I had to install it in a random folder, play in the middle of the night, and hide any evidence of it's use. One night, I was playing until 5 AM, just before my dad woke up to get ready for work. I don't remember doing it, but I fell asleep on the couch next to the computer. I awoke to furious yelling about me using the computer, sneaking around, and being on the Internet all night. He then proceeded to shatter the game CD in front of me. It wasn't until later that I discovered at a friend's house that he also deleted all the characters from the account as well. I had several level 80+ guys too. It was devastating. -Rob

I was a huge Bill Nye the Science Guy fan. When his computer game came out, I bought it and played it. However, I did not count on there being a sentient computer in the game. MAAX, the computer in charge of stopping the meteoroid, scared the shit out of me. MAAX claimed that he would not destroy the meteoroid unless you solved some science riddles. I took this way too seriously. I was afraid that if I messed up, Earth would be destroyed. The anxiety of saving earth combined with my fear of this sentient computer prevented me from beating the game. I had nightmares for a month.-Anonymous

Article The Weekly IRL: Nerd Ink

By Staff / December 15, 2011


Filed Under   the weekly irl   tattoos

Article 7 More Reasons Phil Fish Canceled Fez 2

By Andrew Bridgman / July 30, 2013

This weekend, Phil Fish – the creator of Fez and head of Polytron – announced that Fez 2 was canceled. This came in the wake of a (mostly) Twitter-based feud with GameTrailers.com's Marcus Beer, who launched some personal attacks on Fish (and Braid designer Jonathon Blow) over their opinions (or lack thereof) on the Xbox One's recent indie game self-publishing announcement. But the feud wasn't the only thing that led Phil Fish to cancel Fez 2…

Filed Under   fez   phil fish   fez 2

Article Dorklassic: Another Castle?

September 27, 2010

World 1

Filed Under   princess peach

Article The 9 Best Snowmen of Videogame History

By Bob Mackey / January 31, 2014

The 9 Best Snowmen of Videogame History

Throughout history, children have built spherical snow totems in an attempt to appeal to Höðr, the god of winter, because school-destroying, softball-sized hail rarely falls from the sky without the help of dark rituals. Over time, though, the original intent of this practice faded with the introduction of Frosty, a magical, mirthful snowman who came to life just to teach children harsh lessons about mortality and the dangers of sun exposure. So, with the continued popularity of these lumpy elementals, it isn't surprising to see videogames borrow liberally from the time-honored tradition of personifying mounds of precipitation using pieces of apparel unfit for the Goodwill dumpster. Odds are, if you find yourself in an ice level, you'll likely see one of these guys hanging around, being all whimsical and stuff.

 

9. Bad Mr. Frosty (ClayFighter)

  The 9 Best Snowmen of Videogame History

The meteoric rise of Street Fighter II caused a lot of resulting weirdness, as kids of the era couldn't get enough of whaling on each other with all manner of colorful characters. 1993's ClayFighter decided to parody the one-on-one fighting genre with a cast soaked in irreverent '90s 'tude, and included characters like a doughy Elvis impersonator and an oversized opera lady. Bad Mr. Frosty stood as the series' official mascot, appearing prominently on the box art for each game, and even traded in the traditional top hat for a backwards baseball cap for ClayFighter 2: Judgment Clay--a sequel that proved it's never too late to make that Terminator reference you've been holding onto for years.

Filed Under   snow   snowman

Article Everything I Need to Know in Life I Learned From Streets of Rage

By Amanda Miller / July 26, 2011

Filed Under   streets of rage

Article 10 Insane Game of Thrones Fanfics

By Mark Hill / April 4, 2014

10 Insane Game of Thrones Fanfics

It's no surprise that a franchise as popular as Game of Thrones (or A Song of Ice and Fire, if you're part of the superior book reading breed) has generated its fair share of fanfiction. What may surprise you is just how... creative some fans are. Amidst the countless stories where Daenerys flies her dragons to Westeros, kills all the bad guys and has awesome sex with Robb Stark are tales that will make you question if you were even watching the same TV show as the writer. So if you need some new reading material and don't like having a firm grasp on your sanity, check out... 

 

1. The Bodyguard

 10 Insane Game of Thrones Fanfics

via sashaudinov

"So when that little prick had ordered him to take care of another person that night, Sandor had been furious...

...Because Joffrey had sent him to take care of a singer."

 

Sansa Stark and Sandor Clegane are a common fanfic pairing, because there's nothing more beautiful than the love between a young teenage girl and a violent, alcoholic, emotionally (and physically!) scarred sociopath. The Bodyguard takes their love a ridiculous step further by moving the characters to a modern setting, where Sansa is a pop star and Oscar nominee who's engaged to be married to presidential candidate Joffrey, in what has to be the worst democracy ever. But Sansa slowly falls in love with Joffrey's bodyguard, Sandor, and they eventually consummate their love after surviving a terrorist attack lead by Arya. It's the perfect story for Thrones fans who also wish that they could masturbate to House of Cards. Oh, and good luck watching any more Sansa or Sandor scenes without getting a Whitney Houston song stuck in your head.

Filed Under   sex   wtf   fan fiction   game of thrones   fanfic