Articles

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Article Pwn Up: The Dork Knight Rises

By Julia Lepetit / August 17, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: The Dork Night Rises - Image 1
My dad is in the Air Force and was deployed for a year so I wound up taking care of my little brother most of the time. I was also a Starcraft fanatic (I started at age 8) so I spent all of my free time playing. When it was time for my brother to go to sleep, I would lovingly rock him to the sound of exploding Zergs and machine guns. Now screaming and gunfire put him to sleep faster than lullabies.-Terisa

I never learned how to ride a bike when I was younger so when my girlfriend found out, she insisted on teaching me how to ride. At first, I was scared of falling off and would constantly stop myself because of that fear. Now, my girlfriend and I are huge fans of the "Dune" novels so at this point I shouted to my girlfriend "I'd rather ride a sandworm than a bike!" Then, she looked me in the eyes and told me "Fear is the mind killer", she put my hands on the handlebars and said "These are your maker hooks, ride Shai-Hulud and become a man". After a few repetitions of the Litany Against Fear, I psyched myself up, and pedaled the living hell out of that bike. Now I ride my bike, named Shaitan, whenever I get the chance.-Bryant

I decided to see The Dark Knight Rises on it's midnight release dressed as Batman. I was the only one in the entire theatre dressed up for the premiere. At some point, some joker (no pun intended) started getting laughing maniacally at everything. He was ruining the movie for everyone so I turned around and told him to shut up. He said "I think this is terribly funny. Who are you to decide what I laugh at?" In response, I stood up and in the raspy Batman voice, said "I'm Batman, your argument is invalid!" Just as I said that, on-screen Bane blew up the football field, the buildings, the streets, and the bridges. Everyone laughed intensely. No one could calm down for a full 5 minutes. That guy never spoke again for the entire movie. -Sawyer

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article 10 Videogame Facts About "Macho Man" Randy Savage

By Staff / June 3, 2011

Filed Under   wrestling   macho man

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #36

February 1, 2011

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

So the other night I was playing COD black ops with my friends split screen online, my girlfriend was with us and was bored as hell so I gave her my mic and told her to talk trash to people. She started to make fun of people and all of the sudden she started laughing hysterically. I asked her what happened and she said that all of the kids were just like "OH MY GOD ARE YOU A GIRL????" then started screaming out their phone numbers.-Danny B.
While recently playing Team Fortress 2, some of the players got into a conversation about the new option to rename weapons and what names to use, some were genuinely funny, some where pop culture references, etc. Soon though one of the younger players stated he wanted a suggestion to for a weapon by asking "My flame thrower is good at blowing people, what should I call it?" which was immediately replied with "name it after your sister."-Michael B.
Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article Pwn Up: The Namek Saga

By Kevin Corrigan / August 19, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

We begin this issue with a special message to commenter Joe Banana: You've won the "Pwn Up Commenter Lifetime Achievement Award," for commenting "lol. nerds." on every issue of Pwn Up from 64 to 87, except issue 67 for some reason. To put that into perspective, Joe Banana made sure to be at his computer to comment nearly every Friday from Feb 18 to Aug 5. That's 23 straight weeks. He's spent almost half a year on this project. Joe Banana's unceasing dedication to the meaningless, repetitive task of trolling an Internet message board has solidified his nerd status. Joe Banana, this week you may "lol. nerds." at yourself. Congratulations.

I worked at an elementary summer-school program in July. One day, we were going over the planets during a science lesson. The kids had to fill in the missing planets and their characteristics. One kid drew Namek and a bunch of Namekians instead of Neptune. I thought it was so funny that I left it that way.-Paul

Every time I read an Pwn Up post about someone's girlfriend, I die a little inside. Only the nerdiest guys get featured here, and even they have/had girlfriends. I have not. Ever.-K9 (ed. note: If it makes you feel better, K9, this is a common submission)

When I was about 16, I was dating this guy who let me borrow Star Ocean 2. I loved that game. I played it all the time. After a month of dating, I heard from a mutual friend that he was upset because I was spending so little time with him. He was planning on breaking up with me because I played too much Star Ocean 2. I got pissed. I wasn't about to change my ways. Instead, I got my best friend to make a move on him. When I caught them I flew into a "surprised" rage, kicked him out of my house, told him I never wanted to see him again and kept his game. I'm 24 now and I still have it. I know, I'm conniving. I did feel bad, but then again he was willing to cheat on me with my best friend, so he's kind of a dick anyway, right? Right!-Kate

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article The Weekly IRL: Rock the Dragon (7 Pictures)

By Staff / July 21, 2011
Filed Under   the weekly irl   dragonball z

Article The Weekly IRL: 7 Pictures of Infected Cosplayers

By Staff / August 25, 2011


Filed Under   the weekly irl   zombies

Article A Domestic Dispute From Link's Perspective

By David Beitzel / June 22, 2011

Hey, Zelda! Zellllda!!! Are we out of Deku juice again? Zelda! What, you're just going to ignore me? Real mature, Zelda. God, you can be such a child sometimes. All you ever do is complain about me not talking to you, and now this? Well, hunker down, princess. You want me to talk, I'll f**king talk.

So I was out all night with the guys. Big whoop. My day's not all rupees and fairy fountains, you know. Sometimes I have to save a certain princess from a certain warthog demon.

You know what I did today? I chopped down, like, a thousand bushes. I was covered in dirt, my hands were bloody and I got attacked by some real weird sh*t. I'm f**king lucky when I'm not getting chased by a seven-foot-tall lizard with a sword. That's a Wednesday for me. But it puts food on the table.

Filed Under   zelda

Article The Weekly IRL: 7 Nerdy License Plates

By Staff / August 11, 2011


Filed Under   the weekly irl   cars

Article Children Review LEGO Videogames

By Chloe Cole / November 7, 2013

The newest Lego video game, LEGO Marvel Super Heroes, was just released. The best thing about Legos (or LEGO, if you're gonna be that guy) is that kids love them. Seriously, they go crazy for Legos. Commonsense Media has given a wonderful gift to the world by allowing child gamers a platform to express their feelings about Lego games. We've gathered some of the best.

Here are some rave reviews that children wrote about LEGO Batman 2: DC Superheroes:

Lego

Team Work is always Very Good

 

Lego

 

Besides glitches and easiness, BEST GAME EVER!!!! 

Filed Under   kids   Lego   reviews

Article Issue #12

July 12, 2011

Have a nerdy horror story you want to share with the Internet? Send your submissions to areyouafraidofthedork at gmail!

About a month ago, my online buddy showed me Star Trek porn in order to mock it mercilessly. I pretended to think it was ridiculous, but I actually thought it was hot. Later in the week, I watched it again on my laptop in my room. I didn't want my roommates to find out, so I tried to be as discreet as possible. After I was done, I realized that my headphones were plugged into the microphone jack. I thought the sound as coming from my headset. My roommates heard everything. -Anonymous

I was at my first anime convention. The convention was in a hotel and the part of the hotel we were staying at had rooms with windows facing towards the walkways and pool. As my friends and I were walking back to our room from the dealer's room, I heard a slow, yet deliberate hissing noise. As we walked closer to the stairwell, it got louder and louder until we were right in front of a man in a creeper suit. I screamed bloody murder.-Princess Peachie

I got Super Mario Bros 2 for Xmas. My little sister watched as I got all the way up to 7-1, and then suspiciously ran out the room. Just as I finished the level, my parents came in with her in tow, telling me "you've played the game enough, it's her turn" and that I had to hand over the controller – on the last level of a game I haven't beaten yet. I was even more furious as she managed to kill off my stockpile of extra lives in about 10 mins. Then to ice the cake, before she handed the controller back to me for my turn, she selected Mario just to piss me off (I played the whole thing as Luigi). I'm 36 and it still mad at her about it.-mil