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Article N64 Wingman

May 11, 2010
  1. Jerry

    Alright guys, I'm gonna go talk to that cute girl up at the bar. One of you mind chatting up her friend?

  2. Falco

    I'll take this one! You get the one behind me!

  3. Jerry

    That's the wrong girl! Falco, WAIT.

  4. Peppy

    I'm GOIN' IN!

  5. Slippy

    Fox! Get this guy off me!

  6. Jerry

    My name's Jerry, dude. And chill, it's just a waiter.

  7. Slippy

    Thanks Fox…I thought they had me.

  8. Falco

    I could use a little help over here!

  9. Girl

    What the hell?

  10. Jerry runs over

  11. Jerry

    Sorry, my friend's kind of out there. It's just his sense of humor.

  12. Falco

    Gee, I've been saved by Jerry. How swell.

Filed Under   starfox

Article Pwn Up: School Daze

By Andrew Bridgman / June 29, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: School Daze - Image 1
In 4th grade, I moved from the ghetto to a nicer area of town. I didn't know anyone there and was very shy, but I soon bonded with a kid in my class named Mack. We liked all of the same nerdy things – but most of all Pokemon. We used to run around the schoolyard every recess holding battles with each other and training our Pokemon. One day Mack invited me over to his house, and after a while he pulled out this huge deck of Pokemon cards and asked if I knew the rules and how to play. Of course being the new kid from across town, I knew how to play – the way we used to play in my old neighborhood. About 3 turns into the match it was very clear that the way of "Raaawr Raawr my Pikachu attacks your guy, you're dead" wasn't how it was supposed to be played. Mack yelled at me to swap the Pokemon off my bench and to attach the element cards before I attacked. I got so fed up of him yelling at me, I ran out of his house crying and never spoke to him again in the 6 years of elementary school and 4 years of high school I had with him. Pokemon grudges last a lifetime.-Connor

I was in my health education class, and we were talking about radiation and what it causes. I had just gotten Fallout 3, and 'I Don't Want To Set the World On Fire' was playing in my head. I started singing it to myself. Then I realized it had suddenly gotten very quiet. I looked around – everyone was looking at me. I've never been more embarrassed. But then one kid jumped up and shouted "Oh man! Fallout 3!"-Alex

Everyday when I wake up I do one of the basic moves from each of the bending disciplines from Avatar: The Last Airbender just to see if I've miraculously learned how to bend.-Casey

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #44

April 5, 2011

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

I have found that playing in the nude improves my KD. The whipped cream doesnt hurt, either.-Zach
I just overheard my younger brother telling his friend over Xbox to "Watch out, they're taking us from behind!" while playing CoD Zombie. -Tild
I was playing in a COD: BO Team Deathmatch and a little kid was repeating what everyone saying ex., 'You're an ass' 'No, YOU'RE an ass'. Until one point someone said 'Yeah that's funny, If I wanted my own come back I would've wiped it off of you're mothers chin.' The kid raged-quit a few moments later.-Matt
Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article The Weekly IRL: Hittin' The Streets (8 Pictures)

February 24, 2011

Filed Under   the weekly irl

Article Pwn Up: Never Cave In

By Andrew Bridgman / September 7, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Chevy MPH - Image 2
I was running a while ago when I tripped, skinning my knee. It was pretty bad, pretty much covering my entire knee. Strangely, it didn't hurt at all. My first thought was that it was probably the endorphins numbing the pain. I immediately thought of the Hardened Adrenaline Rush in Mass Effect 2, "Your endorphins block out all pain and trauma in addition to speeding your reaction time." I finished the last mile of my run in record time, imagining that I was leading my team through the Collector's Base suicide mission. And even though I was just imagining, Garrus still died.-Cuyler

I was car shopping for a blue Chevy Sonic, however after I test drove the car with the dealer I mentioned I would only get the car if I could get a license plate that said "Tails". After which the dealer looks at me like I was crazy and asks "why?" …Maybe I should have said "Miles Prower"?-Jeff

I'm a grunt in the Marine Corps. The 15 mile hikes with 100 lbs of gear on our backs can get pretty rough – so in order to stay motivated, I repeat the Cave Johnson lemon speech in my head.-James

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article The Weekly IRL: 7 Nerdy Food Stuffs

By Staff / June 30, 2011
Filed Under   the weekly irl   pokemon

Article State of the Sim City

June 7, 2010
  1. Advisor

    Mr. Mayor — I think we should talk about some of the complaints the citizens have had lately.

  2. Mayor

    Like what? Actually, wait one second – I'm gonna summon a monster attack.

  3. Advisor

    See – that's exactly what I'm talking about. You need to stop pressing the "Monster" and "Earthquake" buttons. Actually, we should probably have them uninstalled altogether.

  4. Mayor

    Listen: I was elected to this office –

  5. Advisor

    You created the town and have been running it for over 100 years with no elections.

  6. Mayor

    Same difference.

  7. Advisor

    Not really. There've also been some questions about your immortality, but we'll get to that later. First off, I think we should consider moving the nuclear power plant away from all the residential zones. Especially because you can't seem to stay away from the "Meltdown" button.

  8. Mayor

    Ugh, but if we move it away, it could cost over $90 in extra power lines! How am I supposed to explain that to the community?

  9. Advisor

    If we're talking about the budget, we should probably think of giving the fire department more than $0 funding a year. The fire at the airport has been raging for almost six years.

  10. Mayor

    Oh sure, then the police department will start asking for more money too!

  11. Advisor

    I doubt it, sir. Against the constant begging of the citizens, you still haven't built a single police station or hired any officers. If you'll look at the chart, the areas in red are where crime is the worst…

Filed Under   the sims   pc   conversations   sim city

Article If The Internet Wrote Ghostbusters

By Andrew Bridgman / September 6, 2013

Filed Under   ghostbusters

Article Conversations in the Terran Locker Room

August 18, 2010
  1. Marine

    Finally, I can get out of this chicken-sh*t outfit.

  2. Marauder

    Good job waxin' those critters today. Too bad those noob Zealots had to show up and ruin our fun.

  3. Marine

    Yeah, they were all like "honor guide me" and "it shall be done."

  4. Reaper

    More like, "your mom shall be done."

  5. Marine

    Get some! But seriously, I'm amazed they end up reproducing with how ugly the Protoss women are.

  6. Marauder

    Well, at least they aren't as slimy as the Zerg.

  7. Reaper

    I don't know man. Kerrigan is kind of hot.

  8. Marine

    What are you talking about? She's an evil monster.

  9. Reaper

    Yeah, but imagine what she could do with those tentacles, and that outfit!

  10. Marine

    She's the Queen of Blades, those limbs would unfurl your entrails boy, and that outfit is her exoskeleton. Plus I'm pretty sure she is infested bro.

Filed Under   starcraft   conversations

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #14

July 22, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I keep a paused DS next to me to play during load screens on console and PC games. Nerdy, yes, but I bet you just thought, "why didn't I ever think of that?"-Michael

I was checking out stuff on Dorkly when I saw a picture of a gamer wedding cake. The bride was dragging the groom away from a gaming session. My first thought wasn't how cool the cake was. It was, "How the hell is he playing Gears of War on a PS3?"-Dan K.

One of my goals in life is to get published by the Black Library, the people responsible for publishing Warhammer fiction.-Seth

I call my portable hard drive "The Death Star Plans," because they're not in the main computer.-Amber

When I suffered a stroke, I had my brother make one call for me. I had him tell the Dungeon Master that I wasn't likely to make it to D&D that weekend.-Juwl

Filed Under   pwn my life