If you've been anywhere on or near the internet in the past few weeks, you may have heard that a few people (everyone) are a little less than pleased (foaming at the mouth with rage) with the ending to Mass Effect 3. But there are worse endings than Mass Effect 3 out there. Endings that are more indefensible, awful, controller-shatteringly frustrating, or all of the above. Now, let's go over the six worst endings in videogame history
6) Knights of the Old Republic II
Before we talk about the story in KOTOR II, let's bring up the minor point that the gameplay was laggy and full of stuttering, with piss-poor quality video and tons of content cut from the final product. Good, we have that out of the way.
But that all pales in comparison to the absolute what-the-hell nonsense of the game's plot and ending. You awake one somber Jedi night (see what I did there?) to find yourself on the Ebon Hawk, famed ship of Dark Jedi Revan. You don't know how you got there, or why there's an unconscious old woman named Kreia with you. To make a long, pointless story short: you never find out why, Kreia turns out to be an evil Sith (to absolutely no one's surprise), and using a gravity-based superweapon, you destroy an evil planet. Which was great, because um it was bad? And apparently a threat?
Really, the thing that made KOTOR II's ending so bad was that nothing really led up to it. Throughout the entire game, the plot is scattered and unfocused, without any real consequence on the table, because the game feels entirely disconnected from the original Knights of the Old Republic. Can you believe they allowed a beloved Star Wars property to have a wildly unfulfilling follow-up? Oh, you can? Really easily? Nevermind then.
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"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
This important-sounding quote was spoken by some guy after you die during Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, and it still holds true. Weapons in videogames, too, keep getting more and more powerful, yet there are still ones included in games that make us wish we had the raw power of some sticks and stones instead. We're not talking the purposely-terrible joke weapons that show up sometimes (like the mop in Chrono Trigger or the Bubble Gun in Earthworm Jim 2) we're talking the weapons the developers thought you'd actually use at some point. These are the 15 worst weapons in videogame history.
15. Needler (Halo: Combat Evolved)
The Needler can actually be a pretty effective weapon in Halo assuming the target is totally still, your aim is on, and you have enough ammo. Unfortunately, players tend to move around in Halo (sometimes in different directions), getting the aim dead-on can be difficult, and if you don't have enough ammo, you're doomed. Hell, it's not like they're not being upfront with us at least to "needle" typically means "to goad, provoke, or tease." Basically, it's a weapon designed to annoy your enemies not kill them. And unfortunately, "killing" is a pretty important thing to do in Halo. Luckily, the Needler was improved in subsequent Halo games, stealing the raw power once held by the mighty Pistol.
7. Mario and Peach
The Relationship: Alright, if you're on this site, you know this one. If you somehow don't, just google it- wait, actually, don't google it. You may find some things.
The Problems: It's not a class issue: even Luigi managed to score a princess in the Mushroom Kingdom and, come on, he's Luigi here. No, the problem is that Princess Peach and Bowser are clearly doing the warp-pipe shuffle behind Mario's mustachioed back.
I'll give you a minute.
But Lev, you're saying, calling my name out to the computer with a plaintive wail of disbelief. "There are eight koopa kids, each with their own castle, plus Baby Bowser. How could Bowser and Peach crank that many out while she was captured?" Well, reader, maybe they didn't. Maybe the princess got peached while they were all together playing tennis. Or baseball. Or soccer. They have a lot of opportunities. And if Bowser really isn't hitting that, why is he so eager to spend summer recreation around his general enemies?
10) Star Wars Post-Quels (Episodes 7/8/9)
This has long been a big dream for nerds, even if the prospect has faded considerably as of late: a new trilogy of films that would pick up where Return of the Jedi left off: the Empire has fallen, the New Republic has risen from the ashes, and Luke is about to restore the Jedi Order. The exciting thing about actual sequels (as opposed to the prequels) is that we wouldn't already know what happens (unless they used the many post-original trilogy books as inspiration, which they probably wouldn't). The reasons this dream is dead are:
- No one wants to see George Lucas create three more mildly underwhelming (I'm trying to keep it civil, okay?) Star Wars entries.
- George Lucas did not like the reception the prequels got, and has been quoted as saying he was done making Star Wars movies because he didn't want to go through that again.
- George Lucas is not going to let anyone but him create canonical, live action films. For a while, it looked like Spielberg might direct one of the prequels - George squashed the idea quickly, refusing to let one of the best directors of our generation and his good friend even touch the series.
So maybe it's a blessing in disguise: we don't have to watch the internet get crazily worked up over new Star Wars films that would never live up to expectations no matter how good they were and we can always let "what happens next?" live in our imagination, which is probably better than whatever the reality would be. Plus, can you imagine Harrison Ford as a cranky, elderly Han Solo? I don't think anyone wants to see that. Then again, Mark Hamill could probably use the work.