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Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

During a Halo 3 session with my buddies we had gotten the mythic map packs before it was released for the USA. These group of 7-12 year-olds were begging us how you get them. We told them if you join recent players custom games and SCREAM AS LOUD AS YOU CAN you will receive the map packs from us. We got a party of around 10 of these kids. We join some random kids game and out of nowhere the recent player is freaking out because there is 10 little kids screaming their asses off!!
-Danceder0961

"I put up with so much crap from my ex-wife. When she asked if her boyfriend could move in with us, that's when I'd had it."
-Tim R.

Me and my friend were playing CoD MW2, and some kid with the gamertag "CalibratedLemur" was annoying everyone, yelling "GET SOME!" after every kill and generally being an ass. Then, about halfway through the game we hear: "Hey, CalibratedLemur. That rhymes with lubricated wiener, which is what you want, in your FACE." This followed with a weak "Nuh uh…", and then LubricatedWiener shut up. I think someone's due for a new gamertag.
-Sam W.

1. Passenger

   Hey, I need to get to Union and Packard.

2. Driver

   Where is that? Oh wait, the giant blinking green square-thing? No problem.

3. Passenger

   What? No, nothing is blinking. Are you okay?

4. Driver

   Yup, the good old 'giant blinking square'. I'll just follow this giant green arrow hovering in the air as fast as possible.

5. Passenger

   What?

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

As soon as I heard about Kingdom Hearts 2, I knew I had to get it the day it came out. I was in middle school. I told my mom that it was such a huge game that she had to get me to the store two hours early to beat the line. She wouldn't stand for that. It was a 30 minute drive already. I settled for half an hour before the store opened. The only other people waiting were a college student and a grandma. Both of them were there for batteries.
-L.T.

I fought with my girlfriend all the time when I was 16. She told me that she would move on if I didn't buy her a great birthday present. We were both huge Star Wars fans, so I gave her my custom-built lightsaber I'd made at Disney World a few years earlier. She dumped me and never gave it back.
-Reid

I'm a fanfic writer. I love writing crossover fanfics. I once crossed the universes of the Odd Thomas series and Harry Potter. As time passed, I got no reviews. The problem was evident. Rare were the fans of Odd Thomas, and rarer were the fans of Odd Thomas fanfiction, let alone Odd Thomas, Harry Potter crossovers. One glorious day though, I received a long and stunning review from a fan of both who adored my story. I wrote her back. Now we're best friends.
-Jess

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

When I was 10, I played Dragonball Z so much I couldn't sleep without my GameBoy under my pillow playing the title screen music. I went through a lot of batteries.
-Aiden

A coworker and I were horsing around at work and attempting a crossword puzzle. The clue for one of the words was "Small Plateau" with 4 letters and the first we had as "M" and with out even thinking I blurted out "Mesa". I had no clue where that answer came from, but it was right. A bit later I realized the logo for Black Mesa is a plateau in a circle.
-Jack

My parents were very proud of me today when I told them I picked up a night job in addition to going to college. My reasoning behind it was that way, I would have more money so I could buy both Pokemon Black and White 2. As soon as I saved enough money to get the games, I'm submitting my two weeks notice. They won't be proud of me for long.
-Randal

1. Mario

   Alright, so we're racing karts.

2. Luigi

   Woo!

3. Mario

   I know just the place. It's this awesome rainbow road.

4. Luigi

   Oh, psychedelic. And um, distracting?

5. Mario

   The most distracting. It's also on a literal rainbow.

6. Luigi

   Wait, like in the sky?

7. Mario

   No, outer space. So I guess it's a figurative rainbow, now that you mention it. Huh.

8. Luigi

   That sounds really dangerous.

The US Army recently cancelled their free-to-play series of recruitment videogames. Here's why…

1. An army briefing room. A four-star general enters with Herman, a pimply, greasy fifteen-year-old.

2. General

   Men, meet Herman Wallace. He's topped the America's Army leadboard for the past five months, and we believe he is our best and brightest hope of winning this war.

3. Herman

   Sup losers.

4. The Middle East, a few weeks later…

5. Marine Sargeant

   Commander Wallace! Insurgents have the compound surrounded. What are your orders?

6. Herman

   OK, first thing, we need some health packs.

7. Sargeant

   Sir?

8. Herman

   Big white boxes with a red cross on them. Trust me, you do not want to get shot without one of those ready.

9. Sargeant

   Sir, I'm not sure-

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

I got suspended from my high school this week. I got in a fight with a kid in my algebra class for spoiling the Gears of War 3 campaign.
-Anonymous

Once, while having ingrown toenail surgery, I used New Super Mario Bros DS as an anesthetic. I played through world 4-4 in lieu of effective painkillers.
-Steven

During elementary school, I wasn't exactly what you'd call popular. For two glorious months, however, I was the mayor of the playground. I used my knowledge of Sim City and Roller Coaster Tycoon, along with a bucket of chalk, to turn the playground into Chalktown. It was an enormous expanse of chalk lots and residential zones on the asphalt. I numbered them and rented them out to my fellow students. I even designated a police force to keep the peace. There was a department of commerce to oversee the commercial district. Our currency was kickballs. The best part was when the bullies came to me and begged for a residential lot after noticing the rest of the playground was vacant. I gave them one right in-between the industrial district and the nuclear power plant.
-Anonymous

Have a nerdy horror story you want to share with the Internet? Send your submissions to areyouafraidofthedork at gmail!

When I was about 10, I wandered in on my brother playing Clock Tower for the Playstation. Despite the fact that I was terrified, I stayed and watch him play all the way up until the mansion, when he inevitably got bored and decided to do something else. Later that night, I was getting ready to go to bed, having finally forgotten about the game and the Scissorman, who would scare the crap out of me every time he was on screen. As soon as I switched on the light, my brother jumped up from under the covers brandishing a pair of scissors. I ran from the room screaming and crying. Everybody thought it was hysterical, my parents included.
—Sam

When I first played through Kingdom Hearts, I had the tendency to go back to all the worlds and get all the trinities. This was because you need Goofy and Donald with you to do them, and I usually got rid of one of them so I could have the characters from the different planets on my team. When I played the Nightmare Before Christmas level, I played with Goofy and Jack on my team. There was a red trinity at the bottom of Oogie Boogie's castle that I planned on going back to do. After I defeated Oogie, he turns into his castle and you have to destroy it. I didn't know this before hand. The trinity is gone forever with Oogie's castle. This was the only thing preventing me from getting 100% completion.
-Anonymous

When I was younger, my my older brothers got into fights all the time and were extreme video game nerds. My brother Timmy enjoyed playing Sim City above all other games and had finally created the perfectly functioning city. Then he decided to piss off one of my other brothers: Phillip. Phillip logged on to my brother's Sim City and created multiple natural disasters completely destroying the city. And then he saved it. Timmy still talks about Phillip doing this and how angry he still is about.
-Anonymous

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

My girlfriend has been dragging me to Yoga for the last two weeks. At the end of every class, we have to meditate and we're told to focus our energy into something that we want to come true. I continue to try to create the Spirit Bomb. I'm hoping it comes true next week so I don't have to go to yoga anymore.
-Kyle K.

I had to go out of town on business for a week immediately after getting Fallout: New Vegas. Naturally, I packed my PS3 and RCA cables. I expected to be able to play on whatever shitty TV they had in the hotel room. Well, the TV didn't have any inputs at all. My PS3 was useless. The first thing I did, even before unpacking my clothes, was to go online and order an unreasonably expensive adapter that converts RCA to USB so I could plug the PS3 into my company issued laptop. I paid for it, as well as overnight shipping, on the company credit card. Upon my return I had to explain the expense and the unapproved software on the laptop. In retrospect, I could have covered my tracks better, but I think the residents of New Vegas appreciated it in the end.
-Anonymous

In 8th grade, I got in a fight with a kid because he said he beat Battletoads without using Game Genie. I've GOTTEN passed the Turbo Tunnel. I know that it does not get any easier. That kid will forever be a liar in my mind.
-Anonymous

When my girlfriend found out she was pregnant, I was excited to name our future son. Being an unwed couple and long-time fans of A Song of Ice and Fire, we decided we would name him Jon Snow. We got married two months ago, Jon Snow no longer seemed appropriate. Last week Robert Stark was born weighing in at 9 lbs 6 ounces. I'm getting him a husky puppy as soon as he can walk.
-Patrick

1. Princess Peach runs into her father, The King's, arms.

2. King

   Oh Peach, how I worried I would never see you again! My darling daughter is returned!

3. Princess

   Father, I am home safe, rescued from the evil dragon Bowser by a brave hero. I wish to marry him, father.

4. King

   Tell me of this man you wish to marry, daughter. Surely, he is a brave Knight of the Mushroom?

5. Princess

   No father, he is not a Knight of the Mushroom…

6. King

   Ah, so he is a warrior from the Order of the Fire Flower! Splendid! They served me well in…

7. Princess

   No, father, he is not in the Order of the Fire Flower, either. He is not a warrior. He is a plumber, father.

8. King

   A plumber, you say…well, in this land of pipes and drains, plumbers are needed and respected!

9. Princess

   He is not from the Mushroom Kingdom, father. He is from a place called Brooklyn.

10. King

    Brooklyn…Brooklyn…I cannot say I have heard of it. But surely plumbers in the Kingdom of Brooklyn are important, no?

11. Princess

    I suppose. Important like garbagemen, say. Oh, and Brooklyn is not a kingdom. It's a working-class section of a larger city called New York.

12. King

    OK…OK, well, tell me, daughter, how this plumber you wish to marry was able to deceive the evil Bowser and save you? He must have used all manner of trickery and out-smarted the beast! My daughter, betrothed to a genius!

13. Princess

    He ran under Bowser and pulled an Axe lever.

14. King

    Seriously?