Articles

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Article The Dorklyst: 8 of the Greatest Floating Islands in Videogame History

By Dan Abromowitz and Caldwell Tanner / July 27, 2011


As long as mankind has stood on dry land, we have looked up at the sky and wondered, "Shit, dude, how cool would floating islands be?" While science and technology continue to fail us day after day, videogames have come through to stoke our imaginations with images of our ultimate aspiration: to live among the clouds. In the spirit of that lofty ideal, here's our list of the greatest floating islands in video games.


8. Skyloft (Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword)


The only way living on a series of floating islands could ever be construed as a safe idea is if you don't actually know that solid ground exists beneath you. Luckily for Link, Zelda, and the other inhabitants of Skyloft, a life surrounded by nothing but a sea of clouds (and of course the ever-present threat of death by freefall) is all they've ever known. As a result, the people of Skyloft appear to be both prideful, brave, and severely ignorant. Possessing the Triforce of Courage doesn't really seem that impressive when one of the main hobbies for Skyloft youth appears to be jumping off cliffs and then hoping that one of the island's indigenous giant birds will break your fall. Eventually, Link makes his way to the surface world of Hyrule, but can travel back to Skyloft using the Skyward Sword at any time. We can only hope he uses this ability to help drastically reduce Skyloft's ultra-high mortality rate among wandering blind people.

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Article Dorklyst: 8 of the Most Awful Paid DLC in Videogame History

By Andrew Bridgman / April 11, 2012
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DLC (Downloadable Content) is, at its core, actually a really great idea: after completion of the full game, the developers can add content to extend the playability, while gamers pay to get the content. It's win-win. Except it never works out that way, and usually the content is worthless, overpriced, or something that should have been a feature to begin with. These are 8 of the most awful paid DLC in videogame history.

8) Battlefield 3 – Ultimate Shortcut Bundle

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DLC has somehow found a way to get more degrading and insulting over the years, and here's the latest evidence: The Ultimate Shortcut Bundle for Battlefield 3. What it does, essentially, is give you pretty much everything you would earn in the game, had you, ya know, actually played it for a while. But who has time to play a game? "When I buy a game, I want to pay extra money so I don't have to play it much!" thought everyone who paid for this.

The problem is two-fold: the people who actually legitimately spent a great deal of time to get all of the upgrades and weapons felt their achievements had been cheapened by the feature, and the people who paid for it a) are actual human beings who spent actual money they probably worked for at actual jobs to get this, and b) supported the idea that this is something that should be the norm. I can't wait for the day I'm able to buy a game, pay an extra $10, and skip right to the credits immediately.

7) The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion – Horse Armor

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Oblivion was an enormous game filled to the brim with great content – but something was missing that would make the experience truly complete: horse armor. Before, your poor horses were naked. Naked! Can you believe that? Who ever heard of a naked horse?

The answer, of course, was "everyone, are you insane?" No one cared – or probably even considered – that their horses were nude and defenseless. Because they're horses. The inclusion of horse armor is fine in and of itself, but the idea of actually having to pay extra money for such a simple, useless item is horrible, although at least there'll be less fodder for the Tamriel glue merchant.

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Article The Dorklyst: The 5 Weirdest Changes George Lucas Ever Made To The Original Star Wars Trilogy (Not Including "Han Shot First")

By Andrew Bridgman / June 22, 2012
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There's no point getting mad about changes George Lucas makes to the original Star Wars films anymore. They're amorphous blobs more than films at this point, and have been since Lucas started seriously tinkering with them back in 1997. And that's okay! The original versions of the films still exist, so you can always cling to that, but the new ones are actually pretty fascinating, if for no other reason than Lucas makes some very strange, subtle changes. We all know (and mostly agree) how weird it was to reverse the Han/Greedo scene (the infamous "Han Shot First!" battle cry of internet nerds for the past 15 years), but there were a lot of changes made, some of which have some seriously questionable logic behind them, and these are some of the most baffling.

5. Adding More Dewbacks To The Droid Search on Tattooine

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Why is the Empire using multiple giant lizards for transportation on this desert planet? If they were sand people, okay, I'd get it. Sand people aren't the most technologically advanced folk in this universe, and they use whatever is available to them.

But the Empire is not only technologically advanced, they are the MOST technologically advanced organization in the galaxy. They have a laser that blows up planets. They can have their giant Star Destroyers travel at light speed with no issue. But when they're looking for droids on a desert planet, they choose to travel by giant iguana? You have to feed and care for these giant, unwieldy animals that are difficult to control. Even a poor farmboy has a landspeeder. Why wouldn't they use one too? Odds are they have ones that are way better than Luke's, and would probably have tools to help find droids that would not be susceptible to bearded old guys waving their hands. If one or two Stormtroopers were using dewbacks it would be okay (maybe their landspeeder broke down or they were being punished for another terrible day at the shooting range), but the idea of this many Stormtroopers riding fat, slow iguanas is a little weird.

Article IRL Pokemon: Learning is Dangerous

By Brian Murphy / April 15, 2011


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Article Player 2 Injury Attorney Ad

By Daniel Abromowitz / August 8, 2011

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Article Disappointing Videogame Facts

By Andrew Bridgman / August 13, 2012

The Wii series (Sports, Fit, Motion, etc.), which has spanned about 6 years, has sold approximately triple the entire Legend of Zelda series, which has spanned 25 years.
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Filed Under   nintendo   facts   disappointing

Article The Dorklyst: The 7 Cheapest Moves in Videogame History

February 23, 2011



Some people say, "if it's in the game, then it's fair." These people are jerks. Disregarding manners or sportsmanship, they take what should be an enjoyable game and turn it into a never-ending source of frustration. Here's our tribute to the seven cheapest moves you can pull.


7.



Multiplayer games often require a degree of stealth, which is sometimes difficult when your opponents are literally in the same room as you. Imagine lining up a target in your sniper crosshairs when he suddenly has a psychic premonition and dives behind cover. Or having the entire enemy team throw you a surprise bullet party because they knew the location of that burnt-out jeep you happened to be looking at. Screen-peekers might as well be taking the game out of the system and stomping on it. Imagine if Nazis had been able to stare through the eyes of our boys back in WWII to deduce their location? We'd all be gaming in lederhosen right now. Do you like wearing comfortable pants? Yes? THEN WHY ARE YOU STARING AT MY SCREEN!?


6.



Rushing is one of the most frustrating strategies out there. Popular in RTS games, the objective of "rushing" is to throw everything at your opponent right away, killing them with your pathetic low-level minions before they can build a defense. The obvious pro-rush argument is that both players could easily exploit the same strategy. But what's the point of an RTS game that's decided in the first 5 minutes? We buy these game to fill up the social lives we don't have. Slow down, man, the popular kids will still be partying in two hours, and they probably won't notice you staring longingly in through their window anyway. Spawn a few more zerglings and stay a while.

Article Everything I Need to Know in Life I Learned From Super Mario

By Julia Lepetit and Tom Holste / February 3, 2011

Filed Under   mario

Article The Dorklyst: The 15 Most Annoying Levels In Video Game History

May 25, 2010

Gamers love a good challenge. Unless it involves an underwater level. Or a mine cart. Or pretty much anything from Mega Man 9. Come to think of it, gamers are frustrated by a lot of things. Here's a tribute to the levels that made us collectively break our controllers.

1. Battle Toads: Turbo Tunnel

The most annoying level of the Citizen Kane of near-impossible video games, the BattleToads speederbike level, is the reason why the Game Genie and adderall were invented. Nothing short of John Nash-like spatial recognition is enough, as even thousands of plays can still leave the most talented gamers in the fetal position. What sets it apart from other classic video games, and what is perhaps its most annoying quality, is that years later it still retains the same level of difficulty it had when you were 9.

Article Gamebook: Videogame Characters Invade Real Facebook

November 11, 2010


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