Technically issue #101. There are two issue #68s.
Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.
I was a deputy jailer for three years. During that time, I had to pepper spray more then my fair share of crazy drunk people. One night I had to deal with one drunk who had been maced before. He knew to keep his face down. The only thing I could think of was to yell "YOGA FIRE!" It worked. The guy looked up, confused, and I promptly covered him in mace. He gave up the fight and all was well.-anchampion03
Inspired by last week's post about the guy using Let's Play videos to fall asleep, I fired one up before going to bed yesterday. I ended up watching someone play trough all of Zelda II: The Adventure of Link until 4am.-Mr. Late For Work
I'm jealous of the people who submit stories to Pwn Up about the ways they get out of work or school to play a new game. I don't have have the nerve to lie to my boss. When Arkham City came out, I knew the only way I could convince myself to stay home to play was if I actually made myself too sick to work. I spent three nights eating expired food, hoping to wake up with a debilitating stomach ache. I woke up each morning feeling fine and begrudgingly went to work. The unspeakable pain didn't start until the weekend.-Remy
Article Pwn My Life: Issue #77
Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.
I'm not a gamer, but read Dorkly via collegehumor. I drive open-wheel formula race cars, and I'm a driving instructor for new drivers. While quite adept at driving an actual race car, I was never able to make heads or tails of the sims and games. Some people do it well, but I'm not one of them.
New drivers are required by regulation to attend a driving school before a competition license can be issued. I had one guy as a student who was a huge gamer. He loved racing sims so much that he purchased an actual race car, fire gear, helmet, etc. in order to do it for real. He was very cautious through his school experience, a bit less aggressive than I would have preferred, but I figured he would work through it.
After finishing school, you are on a provisional license for two races. After that, you get your competition license. The gamer guy's first race weekend was at a race I was going to be at so I told him to look me up and I'd give him a few pointers. We went out for the first practice session which included different formula cars (formula atlantic, maybe 160-170 mph capable while we were 130-ish capable). About half way through the session I lapped him. Two laps later, I was going down a straightaway and got split (one car going by on each side) by a pair of formula atlantics. No big deal. Done it a million times.
I came in from the session and pulled the race car in. His car was already on the trailer. I got out of my car and told him to get the car off the trailer. Whatever broke, we could fix it. He told me the car was fine. I asked why his car is on the trailer. It turned out he was split by the same pair of atlantics. At the speed he was moving, they had a speed differential of probably 60 mph going by him on either side, about 2 feet from his head. He said "This is NOTHING like racing sims on the computer! I'm going home!" I replied, "Yeah, it's your ass out there. No reset on a race car."
He left. Haven't seen him since. It's been 6 years.-B
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