Articles

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Article A N00b Meets His Girlfriend's Parents

May 14, 2010
  1. Mr. Leet

    Who do you think you are bringing his kind into my house?

  2. Mrs. Leet

    Gerald, he could hear you! He just went off to the bathroom…

  3. Jessica

    Dad! He's a nice guy, really.

  4. Mr. Leet

    He's a n00b, Jessica. A n00b.

  5. Jessica

    So what? I love him!

  6. Mr. Leet

    This relationship will never work, it's got epic fail written all over it.

  7. Mrs. Leet

    Honey, he called WoW "Wordcraft."

  8. Jessica

    I don't care what you say! Ryan and I are perfect for each other.

  9. Mr. Leet

    You're a Leet, God damn it. We don't date n00bz, we pwn them!

  10. Mrs. Leet

    He's right, dear. Insolence FTL.

  11. Jessica

    This is so unfair, I wish I was never a Leet!

  12. Mr . Leet

    You bite your tongue, young lady. There are children playing third world MMO's that would KILL for your phat lewtz.

  13. Jessica

    Maybe I don't care about phat lewtz! Maybe I LIKE n00bz! Maybe I want to MARRY a n00b someday!

  14. Mr. Leet

    Over my Level 70 Rogue's temporarily dead body.

  15. Ryan

    …Mr. Leet?

Filed Under   n00b

Article 8 Things You Didn't Know About Stan Lee

By Staff / March 30, 2014

1. He Is the Single Highest-Grossing Filmmaker In History

  12 Things You Didnt Know About Stan Lee

Since Stan Lee gets an Executive Producer credit on pretty much every Marvel film ever (including ones for characters he didn't create, like Captain America) and Marvel films have made A LOT of money (The Avengers alone is the 3rd highest grossing film ever), Stan Lee movies have made over 11 billion dollars. Take THAT, James Cameron.

 

2. He Made His Comic Book Debut As a Text Filler

  12 Things You Didnt Know About Stan Lee

The comic was 'Captain America Foils the Traitor's Revenge' in Captain America Comics #3 (May 1941). On top of it being Stan's debut, it was ALSO the debut of Cap's signature move - throwing his shield like a frisbee that would bounce back. This was the first time he used the name Stan Lee (his birth name was Stan Lieber).

Filed Under   stan lee   fan art expo   c2e2   c2e2 weekends

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #3

June 10, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

Some random little kid joined my Xbox live party to tell everyone in the party that he was going to bed and then signed off.
-Giuliano

The first truly online experience I had was the first time I played Call of Duty 4's multiplayer. The very first thing I hear from the speakers is, "If I stick my finger up my butt, does that make me gay?" From that moment forward I knew I was going to love the Call of Duty fanbase.
-Derek O.

I was playing Modern Warfare 2 and this little kid starts talking, he's probably 5-6 years old. He says "Hi, I'm Jake and my brother is letting me talk for him" so just to get a small laugh, I reply in a very polite and cordial tone "I'm sorry, that is a violation of XBOX Live rules and your brother can lose his account." All of a sudden I hear this kid bawling hysterically and him telling his brother through his tears that we aren't letting him talk. I burst out laughing, because honestly that's the only response I had. Nothing like accidentally making a small kid cry.
-Matt

Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article 4 Reasons It Sucks To Be An Ewok

By Andrew Bridgman and Jake Young / March 27, 2014

4 Reasons It Sucks To Be An Ewok

 

1. Your God Abandoned You

  4 Reasons It Sucks To Be An Ewok

Wow, that must have been pretty incredible to MEET a god - well, C3PO isn't an actual god (more of an effeminate robot butler), but the Ewoks THOUGHT he was a god. Some kind of benevolent savior that had been delivered to them for reasons unknown. However, after Return of the Jedi, odds are C3PO went with his buddies and left Endor - and the Ewoks.

That's right - their god abandoned them, never to return. That has to sting - the ultimate rejection - a being that you pray to and honor as the highest of being, just picking up and leaving when you need Him the most. After all, C3PO just convinced them to join the Rebel cause and battle the Empire, which led to countless Ewok deaths.

Speaking of...

Filed Under   Sad   star wars   ewok   ewoks

Article Max Payne's Morning Schedule

By Andrew Bridgman / November 27, 2012

Max Paynes Morning Schedule - Image 2


 - Image 1

6:00 – Wake up, hungover from a night of drinking whiskey and remembering painful memories.

6:01 – Vomit, providing melancholy narration between hurls.

6:15 – Breakfast! Half a grapefruit, some Raisin Bran, and a handle of the cheapest whiskey available.

6:45 – Stare mournfully at a photo of Mona and Rose

6:55 – Stare joyfully at a photo of the handle of whiskey he just drank

Filed Under   max payne   max payne 3   schedules

Article The Year of Benedict Cumberbatch: A Quiz

By Andrew Bridgman / January 16, 2014

 The past year has been a busy one for Benedict Cumberbatch - he's had a huge number of movie and TV roles, to the point where it feels as though this past year was nothing but Cumberbatch. But do you remember all of his memorable roles? Take the quiz below to test your Cumber-Knowledge!

Rollover for answers!

 

The Year of Benedict Cumberbatch: A Quiz

 

 

The Year of Benedict Cumberbatch: A Quiz

 

Filed Under   rollover   benedict cumberbatch

Article The Weekly IRL: Dorkly Halloween Round-up 2k11

By Staff / November 3, 2011


Filed Under   cosplay   the weekly irl   halloween 2k11

Article How To Deal With Every Kind of April Fool's Day Prank

By Andrew Bridgman / April 1, 2014

Entertainment News Site Has a Major Scoop

Batman vs. Superman is actually gonna star Christian Bale as Batman now? Steven Spielberg is taking over the new Star Wars movies and they're going to crossover with the Harry Potter universe? Wow - very subtle with the PRANKS, MOVIE NEWS INTERNET SITES!

How To Deal With Every Kind of April Fools Day Prank

What To Do: Write "NUH-UH - NOT BUYING IT!" in the comments. Add "YOU JUST GOT APRIL SCHOOL'D!!" if you feel your comment warrants it.

 

Friend or Relative Alerts You of a Major Life Event Via Text

Your cousin is getting married? Your best friend just found out she was pregnant? Your dad was hit head-on by a semi-truck and is in the ICU of the local hospital, where your mom is sitting in the waiting room, catatonic from shock and a grief so deep it is completely unknowable?

Could these people BE any more obvious with their pranks? (classic Chandler reference)

How To Deal With Every Kind of April Fools Day Prank

What To Do: Text back "PSSSSSSSSH - APRIL TOOLS DAY IS MORE LIKE IT!" Because they're all a bunch of piss-poor prankin' tools, that is.

Filed Under   pranks   april fools

Article Pwn Up: Halo...Is It Me You're Looking For?

By Andrew Bridgman / October 21, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

 

Pwn Up: HaloIs It Me Youre Looking For

 

This week, my girlfriend and I had our fifth year anniversary. The day was nearly over and we didn't have enough time to enjoy a romantic movie, so I said I had an alternative and popped in The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask. Knowing she didn't know a whole lot about it, I played through the entire Kafei and Anju sidequest. She smiled at Anju's promise to wait, sat there scared that Kafei wouldn't make it back to the inn in time, and was utterly gratified when Kafei and Anju finally reunited.

-Michael

 

Back in the day when Halo first came out, I had a group of friends that always hung out and played multiplayer. One of the guys, lets call him KC,  was REALLY into his gamertag: Knight.  One night when we were playing, before he could sign into the game I created a character under his gamertag, thus rendering him unable to choose the name Knight in the current game.  This upset him so much that he ran downstairs (playing system link) and tried to break down the door which we had locked. After that proved useless he packed his stuff and drove home.  On his way home he called us up and screamed that if we wanted to play under that name, we had to fight him for it.  The next time he came out to play, we let him choose his character, but everyone else's gamer tags were some sort of pun on the word Knight:  Knight Lite, Knight Boat, Kniet Coke, and Knight Rider.

-Shon

 

I've been teaching my high school students for over a month now.  I should know everyone's name & how to pronounce them, but I still don't.  One girl is named Hodolis.  I never call on her because I asked her like three times how to say her name and it's too far into the semester for me to not know.  I decided to call on her one day and I pronounced it "Hodorless."   I held my breath, fearing some Game of Thrones fan would start cracking up.  No one did.  Whew.

-Jim

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article An Excerpt From Super Mario Bros The Novel

May 5, 2010

The sweat burned my eyes. Blinking hard I tried to focus. I needed to focus. Only a cold blooded creature could consider a castle full of lava as its home. My overalls felt like they weighed a ton. My movements were all in slow motion. Even my moustache was drenched through. As the heat pressed in from all sides I wanted to give up. From the glint in his red eyes I could tell that's what he was waiting for. If it was just me maybe it would have been O.K. to just curl up and die, but she was counting on me, her and the entire Mushroom Kingdom. If he had laid one hand upon her soft flaxen hair so help me I would…

Damn. I had let my mind wander and he had seen it. A toothy grin spread across Bowser's face as he exhaled. The flaming expulsion from his bowels hurled towards me. He was gloating already that bastard. This was my chance. I summoned all the strength I had left and blindly leapt forward. With my eyes squeezed shut, I felt the intense heat of the fireball pass beneath my feet. I just might do it. I forced my eyes open. Seeing that look on Bowser's face invigorated me more than a thousand cold showers. He knew that death had finally come for him. I started to descend. My thick steel toed boots made contact with the vile lizard's skull. My full weight slammed his head into the stonework bridge. With a sickening crunch it was over. Bowser was dead. There was no time to celebrate or to consider how I was going to wash the reptile brains from my overalls, a crack had formed where we had landed and it was starting to splinter the walkway. I ran. The stones behind me fell away. I heard the sizzle from Bowser's corpse hitting the lava but I did not stop. I ran. I saw her face again. My princess. I jumped as the last piece of the bridge gave way.