Articles

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Article Pwn Up: The Ghosts of Christmas Presents

By Jake Young / December 23, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail. This week the theme was tales of Christmas memories, which inevitably turned into an in-depth look of the psychological maelstrom that is "Christmas Morning".

 

It was Christmas 2000, Pokemon Gold and Silver had just come out and it was all that I wanted. As me and my siblings are opening presents my brother got his game boy color and copy of gold. I was so excited, when it was my turn to open my copy of silver... Only the game isn't in there. It's socks...

I couldn't find my game anywhere. Everyone moves on and I am devastated. Finally after hours of torment my mom tells me to check the bottom of a shoe box. They had put in a fake bottom to hide my game and game boy.

Pwn Up: Ghosts of Christmas Presents

To this day I still feel weird around Christmas because of those few harrowing moments that I "almost didn't get Pokemon".

-Stetson

Filed Under   christmas   pwn my life   pokemon   pwn up   gifts

Article Honest ESRB Ratings

September 21, 2010


Filed Under   ratings   esrb

Article Everybody Hadoukens, and We Have the GIFs to Prove It

By Jake Young / February 20, 2014

Consider the mighty Hadouken. The most universally famous of the special moves, there is something so compelling about it. Focusing your energy, drawing back, and with both open palms releasing a powerful blast to obliterate your enemies. At least once in your life I bet you even tried to do it when nobody was looking. Young or old, human or animal, nobody can escape the fantasy of the Hadouken which is why we've assembled these GIFs.

Admittedly, a few Kamehameha Waves got thrown in there and not Hadoukens, but let's stop pretending those are two different things already. 

 

Let's start with these guys who are all masters of the variant technique "The Dad-ouken"

Just Some Everyday Hadouken Gifs 

Filed Under   irl   street fighter   hadouken   gif   internerd

Article Great Job, Steam Taggers!

By Andrew Bridgman / February 14, 2014

Recently, Steam introduced a tagging system to its platform - allowing users to add tags to games in order to better categorize their vast library of selections. Naturally, users have already gone hog-wild into abusing and trolling the system. Great job, Steam taggers!

 

Barbie Dreamhouse Party

A post-apocalyptic horror masterpiece that's HUGE in the competitive Major League Gaming scene.

Great Job, Steam Taggers

Filed Under   wtf   steam   internerd   tags

Article Dorkly Exclusive: The Latest 'Grand Theft Auto 5' Trailer Analysis

By Andrew Bridgman / November 14, 2012

The newest trailer for Grand Theft Auto V has been released, and Dorkly has combed through every frame of footage to bring you the latest reveals and details from the most anticipated game of 2013.

Palm trees WILL be featured in the game.
Exclusive: The Latest Grand Theft Auto 5 Trailer Analysis - Image 1

Finally, months of speculation can come to an end.

Shirts are no longer included.
Exclusive: The Latest Grand Theft Auto 5 Trailer Analysis - Image 1

About time! Shirts just get in the way of Rockstar's updated, HD nipple graphics.

Filed Under   grand theft auto   trailers   gta 5

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #16

September 7, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

12 year old boy on MW2 to his mom."Mom where the f*ck is my chocolate milk? You said you were gonna make me some motherf*cking chocolate milk, and I don't see no motherf*cking chocolate milk".-Oto
I just got Team Fortress 2 a few months ago, so my friends helped me get some achievements by us acting out the required actions. We were in an empty server, until this Australian kid (no older than 11) joined. He kept complaining that he wanted achievements too, so one of my friends told the kid "If you shout BANGBALLS really loud, you'll get the achievement for that." Not only did the kid repeatedly shout that over and over, trying his best (us laughing our asses off behind mics) another friend of mine joined our game. "Oh, it might work now that HE'S in here." "Okay, but I'm only doing it one more time! BANGBALLS BANGBALLS BAAANGBAAALS." Till the day I die, I will never forget.-Chris
I'm a female gamer. While playing Halo3 the other day an annoying nasally voiced kid starts hitting on me. He tried several pick up lines two of the best were "I hope you have flood insurance cause you're about to get wet" and "Girl do you fart? Cause you blew me away." Then proceed to rap about random crap the whole match and got 1 kill.-T
I was playing Halo at like 3 in the morning and I fell asleep mid-game from a combination of fatigue and liquor. The other team had heard me snoring into my mic and had started searching out my body for free kills. When I woke up it was to a bunch of guys screaming in my ear in the lobby – apparently one of the best players on the other team had come up to kill me, and I had somehow managed to assassinate him in my sleep, scoring the winning kill for me team and ruining his spree. He raged and quit for the night, and I don't remember a thing.-Kristin
Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article Everything You Need To Know About Tonight's Community (Season 5, Episode 3)

By Andrew Bridgman / January 9, 2014

Everything You Need To Know About Tonights Community Season 5, Episode 3

This episode is titled "Basic Intergluteal Numismatics."

Intergluteal meaning "between buttocks" and numismatics meaning "currency, primarily coins". And, uh, basic meaning..."basic". So basically (see what I did there?) - Coins Between Butt-Cheeks.

Everything You Need To Know About Tonights Community Season 5, Episode 3

...and they delivered.

Filed Under   community

Article Pwn Up: Our Moment of Triumph

By Andrew Bridgman / January 13, 2014

This week on Pwn Up, we look at your greatest nerdy victories. If you have a moment so nerdy that you need to tell the Internet about it, we want you to send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail 

 

  Pwn Up: Our Moment of Triumph

 

When my brother was twelve, I was seven. For my seventh b-day, my uncle gave me a PS2 and a copy of FFX.

As in all the families, my brother played and I watched. He beat the game several times - but he never did three things: Complete a Blitzball League, beat any of the dark eons, and pass 9999 of damage, which he accomplished only with Auron. 

This year I was in England for two and a half months with some of my parents' friends. 
Their son had a PS2 with a FFX. I resisted only 2 days - then I passed literally 4 days gathering the astral weapons and the emblems. 
Then, dead Zanarkand, something between 2 am and 8 pm of July,18. 
Auron, Tidus and Yuna.
Yuna>Summon Yojimbo
Yojimbo>Give him 1 gil because cannon-meat for Dark Bahamut's turbo
>Zanmato
 
Immediately dialed my brother's number. 
"Marco, how are you doing?"
"I killed that asshole."
"Who?"
"Dark Bahamut."
We both cried and laughed until my host family made me hang up
 
-Marco

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Boss Music: 5 Classics From Final Fantasy VII

November 8, 2010

Boss Music is a weekly column dedicated to classic videogame music. Have a game you want featured? Tell us at the Dorkly Facebook page.



Filed Under   final fantasy   boss music

Article Pwn Up: v1.8 Adventure Update

By Kevin Corrigan / September 9, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

All of the computers at my work are linked together. I was bored one day and decided that, since nobody checks on me, I would play solitaire. After winning my first game, I noticed that I wasn't even close to the top score in the office. That was held by my boss. One month later I had the top 23 scores and was fired for playing games on the job.-Brendon

I lost a bet. The wager was that I had to get an SNES controller tattooed right above my arse, on the area generally known as the "tramp stamp." I love it.-Anonymous

My girlfriend and I play strip Pokémon.-Anonymous

My dad walked in on me during a Catherine cut scene that had some sexual tension. He left quickly, making things very awkward. He didn't talk to me for a few days after, just the occasional "Hi son" whenever I walked in the front door. One day he gave me a sleeve of DVDs and said, "It's not my place to judge, just don't let your mother find out." Confused, I popped the disk into my laptop and it was anime. I fast forwarded five minutes and it was hentai. My dad thought I was playing hentai on my PS3.-Anonymous

Filed Under   pwn my life