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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #24

August 26, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I can and do chug an entire can of Diet Coke during most load screens.-Josh

I was 15 when I got a Sega Dreamcast. It was the best console I have ever had. Not because of the graphics, not because of the 3D Sonic game, and not because of the memory cards with the little screen on them, but because it was capable of going online. It was the perfect way to look at porn without my parents finding out.-Anonymous

When I was 11, I was playing Pokemon Red and realized I had to poop. I was in the Safari zone at the time. I went into the bathroom and when I started I came across a Kangaskhan. Through some sort of crapping magic I managed to catch it and was filled with joy, when all of a sudden my batteries ran out before I could save the game. That was the first time I ever cried on the toilet.-Bobby

I cried when I got hacked on WoW. I'm an adult.-Anonymous

I'm the co-founder of my high school Rubik's Cube Club.-Court

When I was younger, I was very reluctant to read. My mother tried and tried to teach me, but all I wanted to do was play video games. One day she decided that she wasn't going to read any game guide, or text within the game for me anymore. From that day forward, I forced myself to learn to read.-Chris

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article The Weekly IRL: Turtle Power

By Staff / December 1, 2011

Filed Under   the weekly irl   tmnt

Article 5 Mobile Games That AREN'T Completely Evil

By Jake Young / February 13, 2014

5 Mobile Games That ARENT Unrelentingly Evil


#1 Punch Quest 

by RocketCat Games

5 Mobile Games That ARENT Unrelentingly Evil

  • Brilliant Hybrid of Beat 'Em Up and Endless Runner Gameplay
  • Easy to Pick Up and Start Playing on the Go
  • Has Not Tried to Copywrite the Words "Punch" or "Quest" Because That Would Be Abhorrent.



#2 Tiny Wings

by Andreas Illinger

5 Mobile Games That ARENT Unrelentingly Evil 

  • Cute Bird Mascot
  • Relaxing Soundtrack
  • Not a Single Asset Stolen From the Most Popular Game Series of All Time
  • Was Not Programmed By an Emotionally Traumatized Vietnamese Man Who Still Has No Idea Whether His Success is Sincere or Merely a Cruel Elaborate Joke


Filed Under   tiny wings   ios   evil   android

Article Pwn Up: An Educational Pwn Up

By Andrew Bridgman / September 23, 2013
Every now and then, we get a such big and thorough entry submitted to us, that we have absolutely no choice but to run it as its own very special edition of Pwn Up. This is one of those times.
Pwn Up: An Educational Pwn Up
I'm a 29 year old whose currently working on his Masters degree in Education. One of my classes happens to be called "Assessment in Education." Basically every other week we have to make up an assessment based on the different styles of teaching and learning (yes, there's 3. There's Cognitive, Psychomotor and Affective). Anyway last week I had to do an assignment where you have to come up with a scoring rubric for a psychomotor activity within your content, but if you couldn't think of anything you could do a rubric on something within your interest. In case your wondering, a psychomotor activity is an activity where the students have to physically perform an act. This could be baking a cake, putting a small engine together or basically anything where they have to perform steps to complete the task. My problem is my content is social studies and most class format involves lectures and discussion. There's not too many activities where you have the students perform steps to complete tasks. Luckily, as I stated the professor said we could do something within our interest, and being a huge dork, I play a lot of video games on my free time. So with that, I came up with a scoring rubric on hooking up the original 8-bit NES to a television. The rubric had steps such as hooking up the RF adapter to the NES/TV, setting the NES to either channel 3 or 4 and finally putting the game in the system and having it up in running. I wasn't sure she'd accept it, but when I got the paper back I received a 100 on the assignment. Now that's thinking outside the box.

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: Animal Crashing

By Andrew Bridgman / July 15, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Animal Crashing
Playing Animal Crossing: New Leaf has made me realize how horrible a person I am. I really like all my neighbors, like Ivan, Butch, and Sprinkles. But the neighbor I really don't want to be in my town is Deena, mainly because she is too common and I want to see the new neighbors. So for days I have been constantly pushing her around and whacking her with my bug net. One day, Deena wanted to talk to me and I was really hoping that she wanted to talk about moving out. Out of nowhere, she hands me a common wall. Now those walls aren't worth much and I really didn't need it, but that gesture just really touched my heart. After that, I whacked Deena a couple more times with my bug net.-Curtis

Recently I had to bring my laptop to a shop to get repairs for the battery. When I got it back a week later, they noted that there was a extra fee for keyboard maintenance. I almost broke my keyboard from mashing the F key while using the Dowsing Rod in Psychonauts -Charlie

So, My mom has this little suction-cup-hook-thing in the shower than she keeps all her scrubby things on. And, it tends to fall down a lot. Like, once a week. It's not a very strong suction cup. Another thing I need to say is that I'm a pretty avid Minecraft fan (trust me, this will be important in a minute). So, I was getting ready for work the other day. And as I was brushing my teeth, the suction cup decided to fall. My back was turned to it when it happened, and all I heard was "ssssssssssss" and then a big crash. As soon as I heard the hiss, I bolted out of the bathroom, and the first thought that crossed my mind was "What do I have in my inventory? I'm going to lose everything!!!" Needless to say, I didn't lose any of my inventory.-Jake

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Creepy, Creative, Disgusting, Delicious Bento Boxes for Halloween

By Jake Young / October 31, 2013

Creepy, Creative, Disgusting, Delicious Bento Boxes for HalloweenThe Japanese artform of 'kyaraben" involves edible recreations of pop-culture characters that you can stow in your lunchbox. However, they don't always have to be adorable. We've assembled a gallery of some of the creepiest, most unsettling horror-themed meals we could find, and yet it still made us hungry. Anybody know a good sushi place nearby?


Creative Creepy Cool Bento Boxes

This delicious bento box is a great meal idea, as long as there's no teenagers having sex nearby.


Filed Under   food   halloween   Japan   bento box   bento

Article Pixar Announces THE INCREDIBLES 2 (andalsocars3)

By Andrew Bridgman / March 19, 2014
Pixar Announces THE INCREDIBLES 2 andalsocars3

Article A GoldenEye N64 Henchmen Reports Back to His Superiors

May 10, 2010
  1. Commander

    Lt., what the hell happened out there? I'm getting reports of massive causalities from all units. I thought we were up against just one man!

  2. Lt.

    Yes, sir. It was a massacre.

  3. Commander

    What's this I'm hearing about an explosion? I wasn't aware Bond had gained access to our explosives.

  4. Lt.

    He hadn't, sir. Lt. Smith was pursuing the target armed only with proximity mines- just throwing them right at him. Things got ugly when Smith got stuck in a corner. Damn things blew him straight to high hell.

  5. Commander

    Of all the unbelievable-

  6. Lt.

    Smith had never been to that level before, sir, and those corners are difficult to spot. It wasn't really fair.

  7. Commander

    But why in God's name was he unarmed?

  8. Lt.

    Sir, if you'll recall, we no longer equip our men before combat. It's much easier to just leave guns and ammo lying around on the battlefield.

  9. Commander

    How did we lose the others?

  10. Lt.

    Well, sir… Bond retrieved the Golden Gun.

  11. Commander

    He found the Golden Gun? Did you leave it in a dark corner like I asked?

  12. Lt.

    Yes, sir.

  13. Commander

    How dark?

  14. Lt.

    Very dark, sir.

  15. Commander

    Damn. There's no way we could have foreseen this. Well, were you at least able to eliminate the target?

  16. Lt.

    Well, sir, I was able to corner Bond once he ran out of ammo. I had him point blank.

  17. Commander


Filed Under   goldeneye

Article Google Is Literally Becoming SkyNet

By Andrew Bridgman / December 14, 2013

Google Is Literally Becoming SkyNet

You know Google? That fun-loving, carefree internet mom 'n pop operation from The Internship, where everyone just spends all day goofin' off and making neat websites for you and I to use for free? They're very quickly becoming SkyNet (that malevolent, world-destroying, Austrian-robot-creating doom-computer from The Terminator series). No matter what Owen Wilson/Vince Vaughn buddy comedies would have you believe, Google wants to control everything and know everything. But we already knew that, and as long as they're giving us better search results than Bing, who cares?

What if I told you Google just got in the Murder-Robot business?

Well, maybe not technically Murder-Robots (yet), but definitely robots that could be capable of murdering you at some point in the future. You see, Google just bought Boston Dynamics, a company that builds terrifying robots (and sounds an awful lot like another evil corporation, Fringe's Massive Dynamic):




Filed Under   google   terminator   skynet   evil robots

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #13

August 17, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

I was playing MW2 and this girl gets on and starts talking. First thing she says is "Hey guys, do your girlfriends ever fart and then you walk into it?" After some colorful responses and some sures she says "I told you I wasn't the only one!"-Jared
In Halo 3 a little kid asked my friend how he had a flaming head, something Bungie allowed all its Halo 3 players to use during Bungie Day. He told him he had to go through the hardest level on the hardest difficulty with all the kills turned on, then jump off a ledge at the end that led to a platform added that day. He then told him it usually takes several tries and if you die you have to start the level over. He came back four hours later asking for help, we laughed and then muted him.-Zack G
"Did you guys know that World War II was based off the movie Saving Private Ryan?"-Anonymous
When playing MW2, this guy asked why my name was so long then proceeded to try to say it. He failed miserably. Some people corrected him and they said it just fine. I told him it's because I don't have trouble reading. The team erupted in laughter. -Ricardo T
Filed Under   overheard on xbox