Atari headquarters, 1983. A group of bored game designers sit around a table.
All right, guys, I know it's been a slow day, but let's finish on a high note, okay? We just need to come up with something that kids will find fun. We were all kids once. What did you guys think was fun when you were kids? How about you, Jonathan?
Hmm I had a paper route for a while. That was pretty good.
Okay, good. What sort of stuff did you do?
Let's see I delivered papers. That was important.
Sure. What else?
Well, I delivered the papers while riding a bike.
Okay! Bike riding! Now we're getting somewhere!
I don't know. The whole biking around thing wasn't really that fun. I remember having to spend a lot mental energy just avoiding obstacles. Lots of fire hydrants and lawnmowers and bees. Also a lot of breakdancers for some reason.
Hmm. Maybe we should focus on the act of delivering the papers. You had to throw the papers at the houses, right?
And throwing stuff's pretty fun, right?
Article Origin Story: PaperboyJuly 26, 2010
Article Crisis in Donkey Kong CountryJuly 12, 2010
Donkey Kong breaks open a barrel containing Diddy Kong. Diddy falls out, dazed.
Diddy! Are you all right?
(rubbing his head) Jeez what happened?
King K. Rool has stolen all of our bananas! The entire hoard's gone!
No! God, no
I know. So we've got to get them back. Luckily he left a trail of perpetually spinning bananas that lead to his hideout.
All right, let's hey, wait. Perpetually spinning bananas?
They both look at a nearby line of three bananas, each one spinning in the air.
Oh, also, all the spinning bananas hover.
Jesus And there's a trail of these? All the way to his hideout? The one in that boat that's miles away?
Yeah. A trail of thousands of hovering, spinning bananas. So?
Article 5 Awkward Moments From E3 2010June 17, 2010
1. Konami's WTF Press Conference
I've got to give them credit, it takes a lot of guts to give a press conference in anything but your native language. Still, that doesn't make it any easier to watch. Konami Producer Tak Fuji stumbles through an extremely hard to understand intro, only to pass it off to Thomas Nagano and Naoki Maeda for an awkward slam dunk. Worst. Alley-oop. Ever.
2. Controller Issues During Miyamoto's Zelda Demo
I get it, an entire room full of active mobile devices probably isn't the best thing for a wireless gaming demonstration. And in Nintendo's defense, the Wii was mostly responsive during the first half of their "Skyward Sword" demo. But the second half, particularly any moment involving Link's bow and arrow, was tough to sit through. There are few things stranger than watching someone pitch their "revolutionary" product, only to have it fail in front of a huge live audience.
Article Pwn Up: Bloody Christmas
Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.
I started a new Fallout 3 game not too long ago, planning to take a more evil route. My first order of business was to blow up Megaton. At first I got a little apprehensive, thinking I could blow it up and then revert to a previous save. But when it came time to do it, I couldn't bring myself to hurting the good people of Megaton, not even if I could immediately undo it.
I thought this proved what a good person I was. Then I remembered I had no problem at all killing Butch and his mom back in the vault.-Anonymous
I was in the 3rd grade when Pokemon Red/Blue came out. After months and months of harassing my parents, I was finally successful in explaining that Pokemon Blue was probably the only thing in the world I care about when it came down to Christmas presents. My parents would always leave out a few presents unwrapped around the tree for my two sisters and I to entertain ourselves while they slept.
At about 4am, after knowing that this would be the time I would finally get the game. I snuck into to the living room and there it was: a Game Boy Color and Pokemon Blue. As my tiny 3rd grade hands attempt to open everything, I realized I needed scissors. This resulted in me slicing my thumb right open. I covered it with paper towel, picked Squirtle and got on with my adventures. My mom woke up a few hours later, horrified to find my hand and clothes spattered with blood as I stared intently at the tiny screen.-Brad