So Rook, how was the first day?
I'll be honest, Captain, I'm pretty confused.
Rookies always are. There's a lot to take in on your first day, I'm sure you'll do fine.
But I'm just not sure I get it. It just feels a little over the top.
OK Rook, let's hear it.
You know when Simmons took me out to try and break up that race earlier? Do you know what car we took? A brand new Zonda! Those things cost about $400,000!
Article Issue #5May 24, 2011
Have a nerdy horror story you want to share with the Internet? Send your submissions to email@example.com!
A year or two before Batman: Arkham Asylum came out, my TV and Xbox 360 hard drive broke simultaneously in one awful sound and static flash of light. I lost all my data, and was really angry, but that's a different story. When Arkham Asylum came out I played it nonstop. When I got to the part where your screen goes all static I thought it happened again, and screamed and cried. A minute later, I realized the static was part of the game. I was in an Xbox Live party with my friends. They heard everything.-Silas
I lent my PSX to my cousin. When I went to his house to retrieve it, he told me that he had sold it. I miss Crash Bandicoot.-Murilo
Plot: A rag tag group of Missourans set off on a light-hearted adventure in search of gold in "The Oregon Trail." Along the way they'll encounter all sorts of wacky situations, from a hilarious case of fatal diarrhea to a pratfall-filled river fording attempt, to a squirrel hunting expedition that's sure to tickle your funny bone!
Cast: Adam Sandler as "The Pharmacist", Kevin James as "The Wainwright", Rob Schneider as "The Surveyor", David Spade as "The Saddlemaker"
Inevitable Sequel: Oregon Trail 2: We Thought Of A Few More Diarrhea Jokes
I remember getting Super Mario Bros 3 very clearly. I played so much I gave myself a headache. In retrospect I think I was dehydrated. Like Curt Schilling in his bloody sock, I played through the pain.-Jeff Rubin
Nintendo 64 With Legend of Zelda Majora's Mask, Ocarina of Time, Mario Party 2, Super Mario 62, & WWF No Mercy I can't remember how old I was but I remember being young. Best Christmas ever. -Xander J.
My very own Sega Genesis. I don't remember how old I was. Probably 6 or 7. Next best was Metal Gear Solid. I don't think I turned that game off for my entire Winter Break I miss Winter Break.-Marcus H.
A PS3. I was 15, and it was my favorite because I now get to play new games from sony owned makers (insomniac games)-Eric R.
Must have been about 10 or 11 and my parents decided to sell my Amstrad CPC that I loved! I was gutted but when I found out it was to fund my birthday present of a SNES I was more than happy! Made my life!-Craig S.
When I was in second grade my older brother and I got a Sega Genesis for Christmas (after us both begging for one). I LOVED Sonic at that age and always played the games on the test consoles at Blockbuster and I was finally able to play to my heart's content.-Charity W.
Gameboy Color with Pokemon Gold. I logged over 1000 hours on that game.-Nick L.
The BEST X-mas was when i spent it at my best friend's house. He got a Playstation 3 for Christmas with about 4 Playstaion games to go with it, so in celebration we went outside and ritualistically destroyed his Xbox 360 which had gotten the red ring of death. Just picture the scene from Office Space when they destroy the printer, except with 2 teenagers and an Xbox.-Brian B.
Article Pwn Up: The Pwnward Sword
Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.
At one time, I was an avid Eve Online player. Since in real life I manage an HR department, I inevitably ended up being the HR manager for our in-game corporation (EVE Online's version of guilds). At one point I wrote a health insurance program for our members that would cover the cost of in-game ship replacement due to loss in PVP. It was easy, but I had trouble getting people to pay their premiums.-Anonymous
Everyone who knows me knows that I am a nerd. I am not ashamed to be a nerd. I love being a nerd, but I have one of those moments sometimes.I go to Gamestop all the time. The other day when I went to Gamestop, there was a new cashier. She was really pretty. I wanted to reserve Dragon Ball Z: Ultimate Tenkaichi, but I didn't want her to think that I'm a nerd. Instead, I walked in, asked if there was a bathroom and walked out.-JT (Who doesn't realize that the people working at Gamestop are also nerds)
I ate at Subway something like 20 times this past October because of the Uncharted 3 beta. I'm not complaining. Subway and Uncharted are like my two favorite things. When I saw the promotion, I started planning my schedule around when I would be in the mood for footlongs.-Anonymous
I'd been nervous to break up with my boyfriend of three years, and I was procrastinating. One afternoon we were watching the episode of Arrested Development with actor Alan Tudyk of Firefly fame. At the time, I had just finished Firefly and hadn't yet had a chance to watch Serenity. Upon seeing Tudyk, my idiotic boyfriend made what he considered to be a frivolous comment, but to me was a MASSIVE Serenity spoiler. My heart nearly stopped. After ten seconds I burst into tears of absolute fury. I was so angry that I drove home right then, didn't speak to him for a full day, and broke up with him a week later. Although my heart is still shattered from having Serenity ruined, his spoiler motivated me to get out of that relationship once and for all.-Nalyak
Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue 14August 24, 2010
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.
When Modern Warfare 2 came out, half of my co-workers got it and we all would always party up until 5 am. Every night things would be going good but after 3 am hit, one of my buds would always just go nuts. His most infamous quote "If this guy kills me again I'm going to quit my job and hang myself".-Keith
It's always rough being a girl who likes to play COD. I was near the end of a match once, and some guy (as usual) asks if there were any girls. I spoke up, and they proceeded to call me a liar, and asked why I sounded, instead, like a twelve year old boy. I had no witty comebacks, other than, "yes I'm really a girl". But the coup de grace was some guy with a heavy southern accent saying "Son, why don't ya just go wank yer willy?" just as the match ended. I'm not sure my friends will ever let me live that one down.-Nicole
A English guy on MW2 destroyed everyone in the game, he was unbelievably amazing and didn't say a word the whole time. The game was full of red necks who began shouting stereotypical English slurs and shouting references to the Revolutionary War. All this shouting was interrupted by a slurping noise that lasted a good 10 seconds followed by "WTF was that!!!" The English guy then replied: "That was a Victory Sip, bitch." -Alex